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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have ‘defaced’ this photograph??

818 replies

Boobsakimboo · 14/08/2022 09:39

We have lockers at work, in our break room where everyone goes and one co-worker,
Jim, has a photo of a famous, topless page 3 girl on the inside of his door.
the girl in the photo was 16 when it was taken, and he’s had it since around the same age - he wrote into The Sun and got a signed one sent- so it’s very precious to him.

several women have mentioned to Jim that they’d rather he didn’t have it there as the locker door is often left open and we can see it. Jim thinks we’re prudes, because it’s famous page 3 girls, and IN his locker it’s not an issue.

Anyway, cut to last week. I was alone in break room. Locker door was open so I’m looking at this picture. There were Sharpie pens sitting on the table. So I gave the child in the photo quite a substantial bikini top with the permanent marker.

shit has hit the fan! Management don’t quite know what to do. Jim is furious, and the workforce divided into those who think it’s funny and those who think it was wrong.
no-one know who did it… Jim
his suspicions …

So MN, was AIBU??

OP posts:
pictish · 14/08/2022 10:39

Boobsakimboo · 14/08/2022 10:34

‘It never seems to be a problem when women are ogling at half naked oiled hunks in suggestive poses. Remember the Chippendales?’

I can confirm that none of the women at work have ‘sexy’ calendars or partially clothed men ( or women) up at work. Lots of dog and cat pics though. LOADS of those.

So what? When it comes to personal possessions or preferences it’s not a case that the majority rules.

oakleaffy · 14/08/2022 10:39

PurpleCatCuddles · 14/08/2022 10:30

She's still 16 in the photo! The photo didn't miraculously age just because the real person did! If someone exploited as a child grows up, it doesn't change the fact that they were exploited as a child.

Show quote history

Topless modelling at 16 must have been what she wanted to do, don't know how long ago this would have been but people left home at 16/17 at the end of the last Century, they weren't considered ''Children'' as one could marry at 16.

titchy · 14/08/2022 10:39

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Err 16 is a child. It's child porn. (And yes I know there's no such it's all CSA, but in context it may not have been abuse, but certainly it's a porn photo of a child.

Good on you OP! Though I suspect the sensible thing would have been to take a photo of the open locker and point out that the fact that it was inside makes no difference.

Discovereads · 14/08/2022 10:40

gatehouseoffleet · 14/08/2022 10:32

I think you did the right thing OP.

Ultimately, if people won't do the right thing you have to force the issue. Fed up of the idea that you just have to put up with nonsense because the authorities won't act.

It's a bit like accidentally on purpose scratching cars parked on pavements when you try to get your buggy or wheelchair past. I can't say I have any sympathy for the car owner at all.

Right well, then I’m going to go next door and kill the dog that killed my cat because the authorities won’t do anything about a dangerously out of control dog. My poor cat was mauled to death, so I think beating and kicking the dog to death is appropriate, a slow death for a slow death as it were.

Not seriously going to do that, but cant you see that the same principle applies- you can’t go taking things into your own hands and destroy something because you don’t think the authorities are doing the right thing. If we allow it to be ok for valuable property, next on the list is pets. And after that, mobs hunting down humans for alleged immorality or offences. Vigilante justice is what that attitude leads to, and there is no justice in vigilantism.

ChicCroissant · 14/08/2022 10:40

I used to work in HR, we've been involved in requesting people to remove images on display. This was inside a locker so you could have pushed the door closed or contacted HR at any point, yet you decided to go down the Sharpie route? 🤔

whalleyt · 14/08/2022 10:40

Emailing a photo of a topless child would constitute distributing indecent images!

oops

SammyScrounge · 14/08/2022 10:40

You went into a colleague"s locker and vandalised his property. That was a mean thing you did. Dangerous precedent to set-thanks to you, lockers are no longer sacrosanct. Is Jim now justified in going into other people's lockers, taking whatever he likes and defacing it ?
Management should have been alerted that there was material unsuitable for the workplace on display and they should have had a word with Jim about removing it .

lunar1 · 14/08/2022 10:40

I'd have gone to HR, friend or not. If they didn't do anything I'd start pinning up ever increasingly pornographic images until we found their line in the sand.

It's not acceptable for him to display that image in any capacity at work, I don't know why you care he would have been told off for it.

Sapphire387 · 14/08/2022 10:41

Equality Act 2010:

Creating a 'intimidating, hostile, degrading, humiliating or offensive environment'.

Him keeping this photo in his locker where others can see it, and particularly after others have complained, falls foul of the law on the grounds of sexual harassment.

I cannot believe anyone here is defending him, and your management should have acted before now.

I can't say I blame you for defacing it!

Sparklingbrook · 14/08/2022 10:41

whalleyt · 14/08/2022 10:33

@Discovereads You're missing the point, by not involving HR the management did ignore it.

Which is why because OP cared so much about this they should have contacted HR having not got the required response from the managers. But no, instead they did something and are now sitting back and enjoying the 'who was it' drama and enjoying the applause and back slapping/drama.

whalleyt · 14/08/2022 10:41

Topless modelling at 16 must have been what she wanted to do, don't know how long ago this would have been but people left home at 16/17 at the end of the last Century, they weren't considered ''Children'' as one could marry at 16.

how many times!!!

bluberries · 14/08/2022 10:41

SammyScrounge · 14/08/2022 10:40

You went into a colleague"s locker and vandalised his property. That was a mean thing you did. Dangerous precedent to set-thanks to you, lockers are no longer sacrosanct. Is Jim now justified in going into other people's lockers, taking whatever he likes and defacing it ?
Management should have been alerted that there was material unsuitable for the workplace on display and they should have had a word with Jim about removing it .

Lockers have never been sacrosanct. They are company property. You can't just store what ever offensive items you want in there

ancientgran · 14/08/2022 10:41

If you think it was a good thing to do then admit you did it, don't leave it to cause upset with people suspecting innocent parties. Or aren't you that proud of what you did?

Sparklingbrook · 14/08/2022 10:42

ChicCroissant · 14/08/2022 10:40

I used to work in HR, we've been involved in requesting people to remove images on display. This was inside a locker so you could have pushed the door closed or contacted HR at any point, yet you decided to go down the Sharpie route? 🤔

Exactly. Makes no sense.

Antarcticant · 14/08/2022 10:42

It would be perfectly legal for 50-year-old Jim to have sex with or even marry a 16 year old.

CandyLeBonBon · 14/08/2022 10:42

Oh and by the way I used to produce all the 'signed' publicity images used by many of the page 3 Models at the time, including Sam Fox and I can guarantee this was a print and not an original signed photo - they used to order thousands of reprints at a time to send out for requests like these so it's not irreplaceable, precious or original. It was a piece of mass produced junk to send out as wank fodder. You can probably buy them on eBay.

SunnyD44 · 14/08/2022 10:42

YABU you destroyed his property.

Thats like someone cutting up someone’s leather handbag because they are vegan.

If you were offended by nipples being shown then you should have asked him to take it down else you would have taken it higher.
If he still didn’t take it down then you should have taken it higher.

Sorry OP but you don’t have a leg to stand on here.
Hopefully you’ll just get a warning and nothing else.

Starrystarrynight456 · 14/08/2022 10:42

@PollyRockets I disagree it was worse so we will have to agree to disagree. Regardless, I wouldn't think it would be prudent for management to take any action against OP (if they find out it was her) when they have allowed a hostile environment and are potentially in breach of the Equality Act.

The point where I lose any sympathy for Jim having his property defaced is where he continued to have it in his locker despite knowing he was upsetting people.

FOJN · 14/08/2022 10:42

It never seems to be a problem when women are ogling at half naked oiled hunks in suggestive poses. Remember the Chippendales

That's not acceptable either, I would be no more comfortable with pictures of near naked men than pictures of near naked women. I would have some serious concerns about any middle aged woman with a picture of a near naked 16 year old boy displayed at work, well anywhere for that matter.

The diet coke ad used to make me cringe.

Maireas · 14/08/2022 10:43

Boobsakimboo · 14/08/2022 10:38

‘Just out of interest, how about a copy of Michelangelo's David on display?’

😅😅😅😅at the comparison of this with Page 3 Girls! I’ve seen the light, thank you. Shall we start a campaign to get Page 3 topless models back?

I think we can imagine the level of abuse Clare Short got when she tried to get Page 3 banned.
I don't know if the Vatican was mentioned, though 🤔

bluberries · 14/08/2022 10:43

Antarcticant · 14/08/2022 10:42

It would be perfectly legal for 50-year-old Jim to have sex with or even marry a 16 year old.

Doesn't make it ok to have her picture up in the workplace

Onandupw · 14/08/2022 10:43

Are sexual images of children okay?

Are sexual images of children okay if they are important to a middle aged man because he’s been sexually aroused by them since he was himself sixteen?

Does the fact that someone paid for an image of the sexual image of a child and therefore it is his property make it okay for him to have a sexual image of a child? in other words - why is ownership relevant to whether a sexual image of a child is okay (displayed or not)?

Does a sixteen year old girl, under pressure from adults, have the capacity to decide that she is comfortable with sexual images of her being taken that can then be displayed for the rest of her life?

Is it really annoying when men just want to have a bit of a bantz about child sexual images? Are the needs of men to display their sexual needs more important than children who are exploited for sexual images and those that wish to protect them?

Child safeguarding and protecting girls is all just soooo hysterical and boring isn’t it.

whalleyt · 14/08/2022 10:43

@Sparklingbrook I would have gone to HR but I still think it's funny and I think any tribunal would come down harder on the person with said photo then the person who defaced it.

PurpleCatCuddles · 14/08/2022 10:43

oakleaffy · 14/08/2022 10:39

Topless modelling at 16 must have been what she wanted to do, don't know how long ago this would have been but people left home at 16/17 at the end of the last Century, they weren't considered ''Children'' as one could marry at 16.

Show quote history

.... what?

I've really heard it all now.

I left home at 16 and did sex work. It was what I 'wanted' to do at the time. I look back now and see I was exploited. Because I was a child.

Jesus christ.

CloudCatz · 14/08/2022 10:44

If she was 16 when it was taken, then it's CP/CSAM surely.

It's very weird to have naked women in public places. Why does he want to become aroused every time he uses his locker? Surely they belong at home in the bedroom? Men can be so very weird.