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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have ‘defaced’ this photograph??

818 replies

Boobsakimboo · 14/08/2022 09:39

We have lockers at work, in our break room where everyone goes and one co-worker,
Jim, has a photo of a famous, topless page 3 girl on the inside of his door.
the girl in the photo was 16 when it was taken, and he’s had it since around the same age - he wrote into The Sun and got a signed one sent- so it’s very precious to him.

several women have mentioned to Jim that they’d rather he didn’t have it there as the locker door is often left open and we can see it. Jim thinks we’re prudes, because it’s famous page 3 girls, and IN his locker it’s not an issue.

Anyway, cut to last week. I was alone in break room. Locker door was open so I’m looking at this picture. There were Sharpie pens sitting on the table. So I gave the child in the photo quite a substantial bikini top with the permanent marker.

shit has hit the fan! Management don’t quite know what to do. Jim is furious, and the workforce divided into those who think it’s funny and those who think it was wrong.
no-one know who did it… Jim
his suspicions …

So MN, was AIBU??

OP posts:
whalleyt · 14/08/2022 10:30

Why is not getting what you want = being ignored? She wasn’t ignored, she complained and her request was denied by management.

the point is management were most likely wrong to ignore it.

CandyLeBonBon · 14/08/2022 10:30

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Erm. 16 is still a child. 16 might be the age of sexual consent but 16 is very definitely still not classed as an adult.

MistyGreenAndBlue · 14/08/2022 10:30

There is a lot of nonsense being spouted on this thread about poor Jim and how he kept the photo in his locker because it was "precious" to him.

Bullshit!
He kept it in his locker AT WORK to make a point.

Had his comeuppance now though eh?
Twat!

DorchaAndLouis · 14/08/2022 10:30

OP you should've closed the door if you couldn't stop yourself gawping at the picture.
What's the point of having a locker if it's left open? Management should tell people to keep them locked when not in use.

Starrystarrynight456 · 14/08/2022 10:30

Really shocked that some posters think Jim can have whatever pics he wants in a workplace.

I am struggling to copy the link but the Equality and Human Rights Commission list displaying explicit photos as an example of sexual harassment under the 2010 equality act. Given management have failed to do anything about this despite knowing that some employees were unhappy and offended, I wouldn't be too worried about disciplinary action if I were the OP. That photo has no place in a workplace. The fact that Jim knew it was upsetting people but felt his right to look at a 16 year olds breasts at work overrides the right of his colleagues not to feel uncomfortable at work is disgusting and worse, the management who did nothing about it.

PurpleCatCuddles · 14/08/2022 10:30

oakleaffy · 14/08/2022 10:29

And neither is the model!
She is probably comfortably middle aged, like him.

Show quote history

She's still 16 in the photo! The photo didn't miraculously age just because the real person did! If someone exploited as a child grows up, it doesn't change the fact that they were exploited as a child.

Memyselfandfood · 14/08/2022 10:30

KrisAkabusi · 14/08/2022 09:47

I said you were unreasonable, because you damaged someone's property. He shouldn't have had it there, there's no excuse for this in the workplace any more, but there were other options other than destroying it.

This

CecilyP · 14/08/2022 10:30

whalleyt · 14/08/2022 10:18

in all seriousness wouldn't HR count this as an indecent image of a child as subject is under 18?

Doubt it. She didn’t look like a child and unless they could be sure of the date it was taken and then went to the trouble of googling her age, they’d be none the wiser.

SuperlativeOxymoron · 14/08/2022 10:31

Hmmm I'm in 2 minds on this. Both because it is a photo of a topless woman, but also it was in his locker albeit not shut and for that:

  1. I think what you did is very funny
  2. No matter the object of the picture I think it's wrong to draw on someone else's photograph
CounsellorTroi · 14/08/2022 10:31

It never seems to be a problem when women are ogling at half naked oiled hunks in suggestive poses. Remember the Chippendales?

If I recall correctly they were grown men.

PollyRockets · 14/08/2022 10:31

Starrystarrynight456 · 14/08/2022 10:30

Really shocked that some posters think Jim can have whatever pics he wants in a workplace.

I am struggling to copy the link but the Equality and Human Rights Commission list displaying explicit photos as an example of sexual harassment under the 2010 equality act. Given management have failed to do anything about this despite knowing that some employees were unhappy and offended, I wouldn't be too worried about disciplinary action if I were the OP. That photo has no place in a workplace. The fact that Jim knew it was upsetting people but felt his right to look at a 16 year olds breasts at work overrides the right of his colleagues not to feel uncomfortable at work is disgusting and worse, the management who did nothing about it.

Who is saying that

He was unreasonable for having it

But the OP was far worse for defacing someone else's property

It was a signed photo he has kept since childhood

whalleyt · 14/08/2022 10:31

@Ws2210 your link explains why in the eyes of the law this is not ok at work.

bluberries · 14/08/2022 10:32

There's no need for sexualized boobs of any age in most work places, especially without the consent of all the other workers there.

Discovereads · 14/08/2022 10:32

whalleyt · 14/08/2022 10:30

Why is not getting what you want = being ignored? She wasn’t ignored, she complained and her request was denied by management.

the point is management were most likely wrong to ignore it.

They were wrong, but they didn’t ignore it. Ignoring means zero response. Not making a decision that goes against you.

Original poster
Boobsakimboo · 14/08/2022 10:32

‘If you had a photo of a partner you'd had when you were both sixteen, would you destroy it? Or would you enjoy the nostalgia?’

is that a serious question? I would not bring a topless picture of an ex girlfriend or my DW into work at all. For nostalgia’s sake or any other reason!
if Jim had that photo on his fridge at home I wouldn’t have gone near it. But he didn’t.

OP posts:
gatehouseoffleet · 14/08/2022 10:32

I think you did the right thing OP.

Ultimately, if people won't do the right thing you have to force the issue. Fed up of the idea that you just have to put up with nonsense because the authorities won't act.

It's a bit like accidentally on purpose scratching cars parked on pavements when you try to get your buggy or wheelchair past. I can't say I have any sympathy for the car owner at all.

whalleyt · 14/08/2022 10:32

@CecilyP but the point is we do have google & what age you look is irrelevant.

PurpleCatCuddles · 14/08/2022 10:33

PollyRockets · 14/08/2022 10:31

Who is saying that

He was unreasonable for having it

But the OP was far worse for defacing someone else's property

It was a signed photo he has kept since childhood

Show quote history

Sorry so possessing child porn is not as bad as drawing on a picture? Come on.

Sparklingbrook · 14/08/2022 10:33

the point is management were most likely wrong to ignore it

Definitely, but a quick email with photo attachment to HR would have got things moving...

sleepymum50 · 14/08/2022 10:33

About 30 years ago I worked a temp job for three weeks in a VAT office.

One guy (in his 40’s) had a girlie (topless) calendar stuck to the wall next to his desk. Visible to anyone walking past.

It obviously annoyed someone in the mixed office. One day the girls all had their breasts covered up with Tippex. You’d have thought the bloke would have got the message, but no, he used Tippex remover and put the calendar back up.

The problem was the girls now looked like they all suffered from some kind of skin disease that turned them green.

I left the office, so never saw what happened next.

I don’t know if it’s different these days, but then they worked on flexitime. The head of the department used to leave at 4pm everyday, most others at 5pm on the dot. I had to stay later because of waiting for a bus. The calendar guy came in late , but as soon as the office was empty, he went to play billiards in a staff room. I was not impressed by their work ethic, I hope it’s better now.

whalleyt · 14/08/2022 10:33

@Discovereads You're missing the point, by not involving HR the management did ignore it.

CounsellorTroi · 14/08/2022 10:33

PollyRockets · 14/08/2022 10:31

Who is saying that

He was unreasonable for having it

But the OP was far worse for defacing someone else's property

It was a signed photo he has kept since childhood

Show quote history

If it was that precious he shouldn’t have brought it into the workplace. Things get stolen.

Maireas · 14/08/2022 10:34

oakleaffy · 14/08/2022 10:29

And neither is the model!
She is probably comfortably middle aged, like him.

Show quote history

It's not a picture of her now in her cardi and leggings

bluberries · 14/08/2022 10:34

Georgeskitchen · 14/08/2022 10:28

Many of the page 3 girls willingly got into glamour modelling and some went on to be big stars and made lots of money.
It never seems to be a problem when women are ogling at half naked oiled hunks in suggestive poses. Remember the Chippendales?
Jim should probably have either kept his locker door shut or kept his picture at home. I don't think you should be going around vandalising other people's property because you Don't approve of it!!

It absolutely is a problem. I have had, many years ago, had to ask staff to remove Heat "Torso of the week" from the office before.

SoupDragon · 14/08/2022 10:34

CounsellorTroi · 14/08/2022 10:33

If it was that precious he shouldn’t have brought it into the workplace. Things get stolen.

Show quote history

nice bit of "victim blaming" there.