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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have ‘defaced’ this photograph??

818 replies

Boobsakimboo · 14/08/2022 09:39

We have lockers at work, in our break room where everyone goes and one co-worker,
Jim, has a photo of a famous, topless page 3 girl on the inside of his door.
the girl in the photo was 16 when it was taken, and he’s had it since around the same age - he wrote into The Sun and got a signed one sent- so it’s very precious to him.

several women have mentioned to Jim that they’d rather he didn’t have it there as the locker door is often left open and we can see it. Jim thinks we’re prudes, because it’s famous page 3 girls, and IN his locker it’s not an issue.

Anyway, cut to last week. I was alone in break room. Locker door was open so I’m looking at this picture. There were Sharpie pens sitting on the table. So I gave the child in the photo quite a substantial bikini top with the permanent marker.

shit has hit the fan! Management don’t quite know what to do. Jim is furious, and the workforce divided into those who think it’s funny and those who think it was wrong.
no-one know who did it… Jim
his suspicions …

So MN, was AIBU??

OP posts:
Onandupw · 14/08/2022 11:46

@CrunchyCarrot but your position is based on the principle that the child sexual image should have not been defaced because it had value to Jim.

you can only consider that Jim has suffered a loss if you start from the position that the child sexual image has value and that should be preserved.

whereas my view is that the legal/ethical system
should not accept that there is any value in the picture except for that given to it by men aroused by the images of children.

you can only think the op has done wrong to deface the image of you think that child sexual images should be protected.

my view is that they should not.

i accept that vigilantes should not beat up
or kill holders of child sexual images. But that is because there is a human right to life and not be assaulted (which our society functions on the basis of). Our society does not child sexual images to be protected to continue to function.

MightyFishwife · 14/08/2022 11:46

Laughing at the YABU votes; how dare you deface a man’s child porn, which he repeatedly exposes his colleagues to despite being asked not to.

Fuck him — I’d have torn it up and binned it.

whalleyt · 14/08/2022 11:46

Like I think Bob X down the road is peadophile but there’s no evidence (the cunning bastard) so the police will do nothing, so I’m going to gather a mob and force him to flee from his house and threaten him with being murdered in the street if he ever comes back to my neighbourhood.

tbf there's no question over who owns the image

Discovereads · 14/08/2022 11:48

whalleyt · 14/08/2022 11:46

Like I think Bob X down the road is peadophile but there’s no evidence (the cunning bastard) so the police will do nothing, so I’m going to gather a mob and force him to flee from his house and threaten him with being murdered in the street if he ever comes back to my neighbourhood.

tbf there's no question over who owns the image

That’s irrelevant. The point is that vigilantism on small stuff always leads to vigilantism on the big stuff.

Skinterior · 14/08/2022 11:48

For those of you that think a pornographic picture displayed in a locker room is fine -

What did you think about Tractor Porn MP?

It's still porn in the workplace and as I understand it no one was actually masturbating. Or was the problem with Tractor Porn MP because he was watching it when he should have been working?

Sparklingbrook · 14/08/2022 11:49

If this photo was a picture of a naked 16 year old Thai prostitute, would everyone be so cool about it being displayed at work

Who is being 'cool' about the photo being displayed? Saying the OP went about things in the wrong way doesn't mean Jim should have had the photo in his locker.
The 'YABU' vote just means they think the OP was BU for doing what they did from what I can see.

WhatsitWiggle · 14/08/2022 11:49

I said you were BU, not because I think it's ok to have a photo of a topless woman on display but because you interfered with someone else's property. That's not ok.

Did you or any of your colleagues report the display of the picture to management?

whalleyt · 14/08/2022 11:49

whereas my view is that the legal/ethical system should not accept that there is any value in the picture except for that given to it by men aroused by the images of children.

this is my view particularly as it's in the workplace.

Sparklingbrook · 14/08/2022 11:51

WhatsitWiggle · 14/08/2022 11:49

I said you were BU, not because I think it's ok to have a photo of a topless woman on display but because you interfered with someone else's property. That's not ok.

Did you or any of your colleagues report the display of the picture to management?

The OP said they did but they were 40 year old men who didn't have an issue, so that's when they should have gone higher.

whalleyt · 14/08/2022 11:51

The point is that vigilantism on small stuff always leads to vigilantism on the big stuff.

yep the OP doing this will definitely lead to more attacks on suspected pedos & it's definitely the same thing. Just like the vegan & leather handbags 😆

Anniefrenchfry · 14/08/2022 11:51

MightyFishwife · 14/08/2022 11:46

Laughing at the YABU votes; how dare you deface a man’s child porn, which he repeatedly exposes his colleagues to despite being asked not to.

Fuck him — I’d have torn it up and binned it.

I think you’re confused. Or hysterical or both.

firstly there is no such thing as child porn, it’s rape every time. Secondly this is not porn, porn is an image or video showing a sexual act. A topless image is not porn. It’s an explicit image. Thirdly she was 16 and above the age of consent. She could at that moment in time in that era. consent to her image being used as she did.

Onandupw · 14/08/2022 11:52

@WhatsitWiggle mens rights to sexual abuse should
be protected as property rights?

i mean I’ve never researched it - but I suspect there’s probably depressing case law that says just that.

wouldnt be something I’d be upholding though

Blowthemandown · 14/08/2022 11:53

@Onandupw when the photo was taken the person was a paid model. The photo is of its time. When I started work, it was common for men to display entire page 3 calendars, only a few work places would have done anything to stop that. In the 80s and 90s loads of people were in work at that age; most of my friends were. The subject of the photo may now regret their life choices but it’s in the public domain. Nowadays most employers would ask the person to take it home - It’s wrong to display the photo as I said. However, OP asked about defacing it, which was, IMO, the wrong approach.

Madwife123 · 14/08/2022 11:53

Your colleague quite literally had child pornography displayed to the rest of the office. I can’t believe management have allowed this to happen! Well done you!

Sparklingbrook · 14/08/2022 11:54

When the OP posted this, I assume they have drawn a line and gone out for the day. Although they are right as it's Jim's move next.

Anyway, photo gone. No consequences for anyone, we all know it should never have been there.
I’ll watch my back though, revenge is a dish served best cold etc etc!

ThirtyThreeTrees · 14/08/2022 11:54

It's a completely inappropriate picture in any workplace.

Management did nothing to address it even when they knew it was an issue.

What can Jim actually do about it....nada...I don't think a court case claiming she destroyed my pornography will get him far!!!

Similarly, the OP will have a fantastic time in court if she is dismissed from her job for defacing pornography!!!

How could anyone possibly find in favour of Jim or the company here?

TheGraceFace · 14/08/2022 11:54

Years ago when I worked with all men the architect really got in my tits as he kept asking for a choccy biccy (his words not mine), & asking me, to get him, a tea, & he’d say “Alan is cold today”. Of course I’d tell him to fuck off. If I got in early I’d turn the heating off in his office to punish his stupidity. Then I decided on a beard for the woman on his calendar, gave her glasses, & colored her teeth in black. He was furious & told me that the lesbian Clerk Of Works had probably done it out of spite, I agreed with him. He was still harping on about it a week later so I threw the calendar in the skip. When he asked me if I’d seen it I told him I’d seen the clerk behaving suspiciously around the calendar. He said he was going to confront her, I said best not to as she was a lot bigger than him & it wouldn’t look good if she battered him in front of everyone. I really enjoyed that job.

Boobsakimbo2 · 14/08/2022 11:54

OP here - So I named changed and was about to sail off into the sunset ( well comment on other threads without being too identifying as this is kicking off! ) but I’ll pop back to say
Yes this IS all true - except obvs I have not used his real name and I changed ages slightly trying to be non-identifying. But yes he was around 16, yes the model absolutely was and yes he is now a middle aged man, and then some.

I have ZERO regret about adding a bra to the photo. would do it again.

I thought voting might be close but I am STUNNED by some of the comments on here justifying him having a topless glamour shot in the workplace
Anyone who thinks men don’t wank in the workplace are sadly mistaken!
Peace.

Sswhinesthebest · 14/08/2022 11:54

He can’t take it home. His wife wouldn’t let him have it up! And you shouldn’t let him either.
Given that management wouldn’t do anything about it, your solution was better than the alternative of dobbing him in to higher powers.

Discovereads · 14/08/2022 11:56

whalleyt · 14/08/2022 11:51

The point is that vigilantism on small stuff always leads to vigilantism on the big stuff.

yep the OP doing this will definitely lead to more attacks on suspected pedos & it's definitely the same thing. Just like the vegan & leather handbags 😆

You have no idea what you’re talking about in regards to vigilantism. You are so lucky to have lived such a sheltered life.

Sparklingbrook · 14/08/2022 11:56

Boobsakimbo2 · 14/08/2022 11:54

OP here - So I named changed and was about to sail off into the sunset ( well comment on other threads without being too identifying as this is kicking off! ) but I’ll pop back to say
Yes this IS all true - except obvs I have not used his real name and I changed ages slightly trying to be non-identifying. But yes he was around 16, yes the model absolutely was and yes he is now a middle aged man, and then some.

I have ZERO regret about adding a bra to the photo. would do it again.

I thought voting might be close but I am STUNNED by some of the comments on here justifying him having a topless glamour shot in the workplace
Anyone who thinks men don’t wank in the workplace are sadly mistaken!
Peace.

Great namechange-so different. Good job you said.😆

Boobsakimbo2 · 14/08/2022 11:57

@Sparklingbrook that wasn’t the original change😅

thecatsmum12346 · 14/08/2022 11:57

well done! It’s horrible having a picture like that on display and women should not be made to feel uncomfortable in their workplace. I used to have a guy working for me who looked at online porn. I took my concerns to my director and was ignored. The guy is now in prison..,

Buythebag · 14/08/2022 11:57

TheGraceFace · 14/08/2022 11:54

Years ago when I worked with all men the architect really got in my tits as he kept asking for a choccy biccy (his words not mine), & asking me, to get him, a tea, & he’d say “Alan is cold today”. Of course I’d tell him to fuck off. If I got in early I’d turn the heating off in his office to punish his stupidity. Then I decided on a beard for the woman on his calendar, gave her glasses, & colored her teeth in black. He was furious & told me that the lesbian Clerk Of Works had probably done it out of spite, I agreed with him. He was still harping on about it a week later so I threw the calendar in the skip. When he asked me if I’d seen it I told him I’d seen the clerk behaving suspiciously around the calendar. He said he was going to confront her, I said best not to as she was a lot bigger than him & it wouldn’t look good if she battered him in front of everyone. I really enjoyed that job.

😂 😂 😂

Discovereads · 14/08/2022 11:58

Anyone who thinks men don’t wank in the workplace are sadly mistaken!
So you’ve seen men wanking at work then?

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