Grandsons first birthday

Blitzen123 · 2022-08-14T08:01:15+00:00

My DIL has arranged the baby's first birthday party on his actual birthday which is lovely but it's At 3pm on a weekday. Myself and all my family work so can't go. All her family and friends don't...even when I explained I have no AL leave left she said "I didn't think you would". Am I being unreasonable to feel upset?

HSKAT · 14/08/2022 09:08

YANBU to be upset.
But I get why she's doing it.
Can you suggest you do a tea party for him the weekend after his bday? So your side can celebrate with him?

Narcheska · 14/08/2022 09:14

YANBU to be sad you‘ll miss it but personally I don’t see 1st birthdays as a massive deal surely you can just arrange to have a little birthday tea together a day you can make it? All my kids have a cake & presents on their birthdays in the afternoon (after school so it’s not a massive rush in the morning) it’s usually just me DH and their siblings. We then have a party with friends a different day and a smaller family tea on a Sunday afternoon

LIZS · 14/08/2022 09:14

It is a weekday and probably a get together for fellow new mums and babies. Can't you just mark it another time? Baby won't know!

Flopisfatteningbingforchristmas · 14/08/2022 09:16

Just arrange a time at the weekend when you can go and see him. 3 o clock on a week day sounds like it’s timed for toddlers which I assume is who she is invited.

GrazingSheep · 14/08/2022 09:17

What does your son say?

LidFlipper · 14/08/2022 09:18

I’ll be celebrating my baby’s first baby on a weekday because that’s his actual birthday. If it’s their first just let them be excited for it.

DisforDarkChocolate · 14/08/2022 09:18

Just go after you've finished work.

Skyeheather · 14/08/2022 09:23

What kind of party is it? Can't you go round before or after work? Our children always have their party on their actual birthday, nothing wrong with that. Maybe the evening would be too late, go past bedtime etc.

If you absolutely don't want to miss it, if it means so much to you, call in sick that day?!

Sunnyqueen · 14/08/2022 09:24

Obviously they want to celebrate on baby's actual birthday. They aren't going to change that because you have used all your annual leave up. Just go after work or do something special at the weekend.

AllFreeOwls · 14/08/2022 09:25

Who is going? Friends with baby's/other mums? Or has it been arranged so her family can go but not yours?

Dinoteeth · 14/08/2022 09:27

Who is actually going to be there? Do her family not work or is it a toddler party with other new mums?

Speak with your son and sort a suitable time to see your DGS.

justasking111 · 14/08/2022 09:28

Well it's a good time of day for little ones so let it go. It's not about adults but baby. Fix up a more suitable time for you.

litlealligator · 14/08/2022 09:29

She's invited you. The fact you've used up all your annual leave already is not her fault is it?

ClocksGoingBackwards · 14/08/2022 09:30

Has she done it to include older children after school maybe?

It does seem selfish of her tbh. She’s ensured all her family can go so it’s about her, not her child and his family. She could at least have said you’re welcome to come over later that afternoon to join in.

Ellyfinsmum · 14/08/2022 09:42

If it’s at 3pm on a weekday it doesn’t sound like a huge party, is she just inviting a few mum friends and their toddlers?

Awoooga · 14/08/2022 09:43

Why didn’t you book his birthday off before you used up all your annual leave? Or at least a half day?
I get it’s disappointing, and if it was me I’d probably have asked close family when they were free but maybe her ‘I didn’t think you would’ comment was her being unsurprised you hadn’t planned ahead. 3pm on the day of a kid’s birthday sounds a reasonable time to have their birthday party if they haven’t started school yet and it falls on a weekday.

Calphurnia88 · 14/08/2022 09:50

I don't think she's being unreasonable for wanting to celebrate her son's first birthday on his actual birthday. It just so happens to fall on a week day and you've used up all your leave 🤷🏻‍♀️

Why don't you suggest a family celebration at your house at the weekend?

AnneElliott · 14/08/2022 09:52

Can you not go after work? Probably better to miss all of the other toddlers that are no doubt invited.

StClare101 · 14/08/2022 10:04

Awoooga · 14/08/2022 09:43

Why didn’t you book his birthday off before you used up all your annual leave? Or at least a half day?
I get it’s disappointing, and if it was me I’d probably have asked close family when they were free but maybe her ‘I didn’t think you would’ comment was her being unsurprised you hadn’t planned ahead. 3pm on the day of a kid’s birthday sounds a reasonable time to have their birthday party if they haven’t started school yet and it falls on a weekday.

What? Grandparents are now expected to book leave for grandchildren birthdays? How ridiculous.

OP I’d speak to your son and say you’d love to visit with a present on the weekend.

Rowen32 · 14/08/2022 10:18

I think that's totally unreasonable but then I also think first birthday parties are totally unreasonable. I would say, look we can't come with work, let us know another time you'd like us to call' and then let it go - your grandson won't even realise!

Boobsakimboo · 14/08/2022 10:21

Pop over later? Have a special tea with them another day? The baby won’t remember. And it might be nice to have them to yourself rather than lots of people and fuss etc.
my kids cried on their first couple of birthdays! Overwhelmed.

tinplantpot · 14/08/2022 10:22

I would just go round after work.

bluberries · 14/08/2022 10:23

Flopisfatteningbingforchristmas · 14/08/2022 09:16

Just arrange a time at the weekend when you can go and see him. 3 o clock on a week day sounds like it’s timed for toddlers which I assume is who she is invited.

Yes I agree. She can't have it later if other toddlers are coming. Just invite them round do do your own thing.

GeekyThings · 14/08/2022 10:26

YANBU, her comment was really cow-y. People who book things like parties during normal working hours shouldn't get annoyed if some people can't come.

bluberries · 14/08/2022 10:27

Awoooga · 14/08/2022 09:43

Why didn’t you book his birthday off before you used up all your annual leave? Or at least a half day?
I get it’s disappointing, and if it was me I’d probably have asked close family when they were free but maybe her ‘I didn’t think you would’ comment was her being unsurprised you hadn’t planned ahead. 3pm on the day of a kid’s birthday sounds a reasonable time to have their birthday party if they haven’t started school yet and it falls on a weekday.

The first part of your post I kind of get. If it was that important OP you could have checked and booked it off or booked it at the start just in case and cancelled it if not needed. The second part though was probably her trying not to make a big deal out of it in a "don't worry I'm not upset I did think you might not be able to make it due to work" way