Grandsons first birthday

[Blitzen123]

My DIL has arranged the baby's first birthday party on his actual birthday which is lovely but it's At 3pm on a weekday. Myself and all my family work so can't go. All her family and friends don't...even when I explained I have no AL leave left she said "I didn't think you would". Am I being unreasonable to feel upset?

I wasn't there obviously but I think it depends on how she's said it. I can see it being cow-y but also completely non cow-y.

What? Grandparents are now expected to book leave for grandchildren birthdays? How ridiculous.

Well yes, if they are going to be precious about going to the child's birthday party on their actual birthday.

I agree I don't really see what the alternative is. The party needs to be at a time to suit the toddler not one or two guests.

Its probably a get together with cake, a few mum friends and really no big deal. A one year old won’t much care who’s there. Just nip round at the weekend with a present and a cuddle for the DGC.

It's a sensible time for a 1 year old. Though I admit my son had a cake etc and saw his family on the evening, as they all worked, and there were no other pre teens. From age 4 this continued, with a weekend party at a venue for friends.

True, but by this post existing I'm willing to bet it's the cow-y version of the statement rather than the non-cow-y one!

I always want to know the great of the back story on these things, it's never just one incident 😂

Maybe she's booked it at 3pm and it will be easier for her.

I'm guessing she's preparing food, sorting drinks and decorations. Having a tidy up.
Getting herself ready and the baby.

Then before all that there's the present opening, possibly a nap for the baby?

It's hard work planning a party. I don't know where your son is in this situation, you haven't mentioned him. I presume they discussed the party timing together.

Fair enough for the party to be in the actual birthday, a baby’s first birthday is as much a celebration / anniversary for the Mum: “the day I gave birth “

I would say “of course, it would be lovely to see you on the weekend either side and we’ll come round with cake and presents”.

Where is your son in this? Why are you blaming your DIL? Talk to your son about when you celebrate your DGC birthday. And make a fuss of your DIL too.

It’s not unreasonable of them to have the party on the actual day and at a time suitable for a baby. A shame you can’t go but just do something another time.

I’d understand her remark to mean something like “don’t worry- I know you have to go to work” unless she said it in an obviously nasty way.

This is true. Cow-y it is

The timing makes perfect sense if you’re having little people there. Either 3pm or 11am. It’s on his birthday, with, presumably his baby group mums? It’s no big deal.

So you'd rather she celebrates his first birthday on a day which ISN'T his birthday just so you can go? Do you expect everything to revolve around you?

Just pop over after work.

@StClare101 no they shouldn’t have to but you can’t not book off someone’s birthday on purpose then be annoyed they’re doing something on their birthday and you can’t go because you haven’t planned ahead?

You’re not invited. It was intentional.
i would do the same.
parry with babies actual friends, then a separate celebration for the family.

so yes you are very unreasonable to be put out. It’s none of your business. You can celebrate another day when you are off work.

your grandsons birthday is not about you. You will do well to take her that

I think she's arranged a small gathering on his birthday which sounds lovely. What time do you finish work? Were you planning on seeing him on his birthday?

Could you ask them to come to yours at the weekend or a family birthday afternoon tea?

Worse still they are expected to go off sick.

I think you’re probably right and I was being cynical :)
I do the same with annual leave for birthdays (if I’d be that upset to miss anything planned on the day), book it just in case, cancel if it’s not needed.

Just visit on the weekend before or after.

Why wasn't your son involved in planning the party? (or was he but it's of course not his fault because he has a penis?)

I'd expect a first birthday - or indeed any birthday - to be celebrated on the actual day. But then we've always had a weekend birthday tea for grandparents, close friends too. It's never been a drama that leaves people feeling left out and parents irritable!

I can understand an initial feeling of hurt, I guess, but can’t you see them on the weekend with a little cake and candle and your gift?

I haven’t invited the grandparents to my children’s birthday parties specifically. The drop in when suits.

What? Grandparents are now expected to book leave for grandchildren birthdays?

If they are going to take to MN moaning they aren’t going to be there for the birthday gathering, then yes.

It's not about you - it's a party she is planning for her baby. Why not do something the weekend after?

Well yes, if they’re going to take offence at the fact they’re unable to attend 🙄

I think it's a bit shitty, she's planned a party when her family and friends can attend but you can't. However there not a lot you can do. Perhaps suggest a gathering at weekend and bring a cake, and give ur pressies.

It’s not surprising they’re celebrating on the actual day.

Just speak to your son and arrange another mini celebration at the weekend.