to get first mortgage after 40?

[ivebeencalledworse]

Mortgages are not something I know about. I am totally ignorant of them. I've lived without one my whole life. I came from a broken home with no guidance on how to be an adult. I left home at 18 and made my own way, which included debt, poor relationship choices, alcoholism, recklessness, and finally an abusive relationship and had to start all over again with a baby.

Don't get me wrong, I managed well enough, worked, remained functional.

But now at 40 my life is totally turned around because I married a wonderful, responsible, and loving man who adopted my child and we've been happy for five years.

He's younger than me and ambitious. He's supporting us while I use my income to pay off debts, which is going well. I aim to be debt free in the next few years.

I have a council home but my family want a better life so we are talking about a mortgage together.

I have a lot of research to do but when I say I'm ignorant I mean I'm starting from scratch.

Any glaring things I need to know would be gratefully received.

Am I "too old" or anything? Will my bad credit history (even if I am debt-free) be a real issue?

Also, I'm a freelancer with a variable and small income. I will not be going back into full-time employment. My maximum earning will be £1,000/month.

I genuinely never thought I would even be thinking about a mortgage but life has never stopped surprising me.

I appreciate input.

Yes you're right, thank you for putting it like that.

I don't appreciate the insinuation I'm thick of course, but money matters, yeah, dumb as all fuck and only just pulling my bootstraps up.

I don't want a mortgage. I've been made by him to feel bad about that.

@ivebeencalledworse

That's what you posted

You seem to have really basic levels of understanding about quite a few matters

You put him on a pedestal of being switched on and with it, but from further posts this also isn't the case

Your background makes you vulnerable as it is, and honestly it sounds as if he is taking advantage

Interesting. What is he gaining though? A domestic slave?

I don't want a mortgage. I've been made by him to feel bad about that.

It's worth thinking about why you don't want a mortgage? Is it because you don't understand how they work? Is it because home ownership is outside your comfort zone? Is there some part of you that thinks you're not good enough to be a home owner? Worth exploring.

He doesn't sound understanding at all when you say this. Remember this is your life, and at the end of the day if you don't want to buy a house you don't have to. Many couples unfortunately find their goals in life are not compatible. Splitting up is often better than one of you forcing the other to follow their dreams.

OP you're not thick. I just don't like the sound of this and alarm bells are ringing for me.

"I don't want a mortgage. I've been made by him to feel bad about that." Is he pushing you into this? It sounds like you've got it very good at the moment, lifelong security, a cheap enough rent, the council/HA will do all repairs etc. I'd stay put for the time being. I know that you want to better your life for your daughter but this dream that your husband has all sounds very precarious. Perhaps wait till he is qualified and experienced before making any serious financial decisions. Loving parent and good guidance will help to ensure that your daughter goes down a good path in life, you don't need to strive for this middle class lifestyle that your husband seems desperate to have.

Interesting. What is he gaining though? A domestic slave?

Someone who thinks he's very clever and worships the ground he walks on is a massive ego boost - most men want that I'd think.

It could be all those things but ultimately I never wanted the responsibility and it's not mandatory.

@ivebeencalledworse

Some men like to white knight

They'll find a charity case of a partner and 'level them up'

Adopting your DC wanting to 'elevate' you. It's ticking all the boxes unfortunately

He wants a woman who thinks he is the smartest man in the room, he is so wonderful, how can he not be he saved us.

Once this is done they'll forever be in his debt, they won't leave, because how could they? They have no idea about how to maintain their new standard of living, they don't want to leave the man who helped them so much etc.

Nobody wants a mortgage, what they actually want is a stable home that they do not have to pay for beyond an end, date light at the end of the tunnel if you like.

i’m coming up to 50 now and I already do not want to work full time, Therefore paying every penny off the mortgage or rather into isa’s and pensions to enable me to clear the mortgages is my number one priority that’s more important to me than any pair of jeans, any coat, any beauty product - except my hair and holidays, im not a machine. But I’m sure you get the jist if I’m ever in a situation where I’m considering purchasing something I will ask myself would you be prepared to work an extra week to pay the mortgage versus not buying this and being mortgage free quicker.

I was just throwing something out that wasn't 95% - I had no idea mortgages were 95%, actually I don't know what that means or how they work at all whatsoever.

Houses sell for a price.

You are thinking of 200,000 house.

You don't have that so you borrow with a mortgage. Banks don't now tend to offer 100% mortgages.

So to buy you need a deposit and a mortgages to meet the price.

So for 95% mortgage 200,000 you will need to have a 5% deposit - which is 10 K and borrow the rest which is 190,000 - (this is 95% of 200,000 this 95% mortgage which will have a high interest rate meaning you'll pay a lot more back and may have high monthly costs).

You will also need solicitor fee, mortgage fee though you can get that added to the mortgage though maybe not with 95% ones - and moving costs.

All of this is fairly basic information and a quick read of any of the links would explain this. I wouldn't take on that amount of debt or even consider it without a least a quick read and basic understanding.

You make a lot of sense.

I will ask him to see a mortgage advisor with me I think and go from there. Just so we can have someone perhaps put him down a peg or two, because I think it's true; he's being optimistic.

And also be very careful with brokers. I actually consider I’m quite switched on with these things but I got pressured into meeting with the Estate Agents broker before I was allowed to view a house which is probably illegal, didn’t buy the house anyway and then ended up with a £600 broker fee with an absolute moron who did not do me any favours in the whole process naturally made it incredibly stressful.

I don't want a mortgage. I've been made by him to feel bad about that.

If you have a secure tendency it may well not be in your interest to get a mortgage ie go into debt.

Our mortgage is less than private rental costs and goes down every year as we pay more off and we don't have uncertainty of private rental - plus will be paid off before retirement so we won't be funding accommodation costs out of pensions. Thus the risk for us are worth it.

Yeah I totally get you.

I'm on the phone to him now.

So the max you can borrow will be your joint earnings x 4.5.

your budget is this amount + deposit you have saved, which should be at least 5% but preferably 10%.

that’s what the bank will cover.

then you need to work out if you can afford the monthly repayments. Factors impacting this will be your loan to value ratio, interest rate and term.

the max term the bank will allow is your retirement age, minus your age at taking out the mortgage. They will tell you the interest rate based on a mortgage of that size, LTV and term and tell you what the monthly payment will be.

it’s then up to you if you are confident in taking this on. You can fix your interest rate and payment for between 2-10 years and it will revert to the standard rate beyond that, but you could also remortgage back onto a fixed term at that point, depending on interest rates.

You of course don’t have to buy a house or move of you don’t want to.

there is some major incompatibility here though. You have been married for five years - since your husband was 25. He was relatively young - have his aspirations changed or did you not have these difficult conversations?

if he doesn’t want to live in social housing but you do that a major hurdle to overcome.

it does sound like he is taking advantage - it suits him that you are clueless.

regardless of what you decide please improve your financial literacy for your daughters sake.

you are modelling a relationship for here which involves a man who bullshits a lot about what he is going to provide and a woman who understands very little but hero worships him. Would you want your daughter in this relationship? I wouldn’t.

it is not unusual for a man of thirty to want traditional gender roles - he gets all the housework done and paints himself as the breadwinner. But cracks will appear when he realises the lifestyle he wants isn’t achievable on the salary of an accounting technician.

OP please educate yourself. These things aren’t complicated and every adult should understand the basics of mortgages and deposits - even if they don’t have a mortgage. It’s a basic life skill. Your daughter might want a mortgage one day / don’t you want to be able to talk to her about it. You don’t want to be the little women who shrugs her shoulders and says talk to your father I don’t handle the money.

And I haven't and won't be until I've understood everything clearly.

I'm on the phone to him now.

Why - don't you live together?

He's said I can be on the deeds and not the mortgage.

I'm so relieved to hear that you're going to get independent professional advice. Where both of you can sit down and ask questions and hear about the reality of what you can or can't afford from a professional.

Maybe think about a list of questions that you want to ask in advance.

But yeah, I definitely wouldn't be pinning my hopes and dreams on what might happen down the line when and if he qualifies as an accountant and what business he may or may not open even further down that line. You could be left in the total shit if things go tits up and you decide to separate. Or even if you stay together and you leave your council flat to work your way up to this dream and it ends up not coming to fruition. You'd have less security for your daughter then than you currently do with your lifelong tenancy.

This man might surprise us all but really, he doesn't sound like he has much financial savvy. Please be wary and get independent advice for any financial ties with him.

He's at work.

Slightly off-topic and I haven't RTFT but when did people start referring to this process as "getting a mortgage" rather than "buying a home". I've noticed this on quite a few threads. People saying "I want to get a mortgage", as if that's the end goal. I find it odd. Has something changed in the way people view the process? Is getting a mortgage so difficult now that people have started viewing that as the aspiration?

Very few lenders allow that. Not that it matters. Forge the mortgage for now. Post on relationships because this one has trouble writ large.

Because a mortgage is a liability to a bank and you don't own the home until you have paid it off or have most of the equity.

The minute we get a mortgage, is not the minute we own a home.

He's said I can be on the deeds and not the mortgage

Bank may not allow this -though it may vary on the bank and mortgage.

We could borrow more with only DH on the mortgage - I was SAHM and we were at top of limit we were allowed to borrow despite large deposit- but then we were told I couldn't be on the deeds ( I was married so had some protection). When we bought our second I was put on both.