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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

My child is behaving like a spoilt brat

50 replies

729927luc · 13/08/2022 16:32

I am absolutely at the end of my tether today with my son aged 9. I feel like he is behaving like a spoiled brat but would appreciate some impartial opinions! So, this morning my husband was saying about how he wanted to go out etc. I said I was hoping to have a day at home as I had so much sorting, cleaning etc to do and we'd been out in the sun all day yesterday. But I said to husband he could go out (even though I could do with some help really but never mind)! Husband said he was going to the beach to look for fossils (his hobby). He asked our son (half-heartedly 🤣) if he wanted to go. Son said no. I said to son that if he doesn't go with dad to the beach then it is a home/garden/entertain yourself kind of day as mummy (me!) has lots to do. Before h left I asked him to get a few bits for me from the shop. Son wanted twister lollies so I put those on the list. H came back. There were no twister lollies but he bought some lovely choc cones instead. Son tried one, didn't like it. He then randomly started moaning about how we haven't got a pet and he wants one. For various reasons, mainly due to my pet hair allergy, we can't have a pet. We've had fish before but son paid no attention to them (surprise, surprise)! I said we've been through this loads and it's upsetting that you won't take no for an answer. I offered to take son for an ice cream down the seafront but he was then moody and said no. Fine I said. One of the big jobs I had to do today was clear up tons and I mean tons of lego from the living room floor. The carpet in there hadn't been hoovered for 2 weeks due to this lego and I said to my son, very clearly that it needed yo go away today and he should help me. He carried on playing on his IPAD so I just put it away. Anyway, 2 hours or so later he's going absolutely mental at me saying I've broken up his lego models and as a result have pretty much ruined his life!! Bear in mind the child has a playroom next to the lounge where he could set up his lego but he proceeds to drag it into the lounge which is the one room I like to keep toy free wherever possible. At another point this afternoon he also started saying how he wanted me to now take him down the seafront to the 'candy shop'. I said no as you've got plenty of sweets and my offer was for an ice cream before. So that was another huff! Honestly, I find it upsetting. I do everything for this family and i work but it's never enough. Son sees me as the boring one I think as I do 99% of all the cleaning, sorting, life responsibility stuff whereas husband, if he has a day off, will say come on let's go down the seafront and blow £50 on crap. Son now only really enjoys days out that involve considerable cost which of course is difficult in a 6 week break! My aIBu is am I being unreasonable expecting son to be able to cope with days when we are not pandering to his every need! Thanks for reading x

OP posts:
Poppyseed14 · 13/08/2022 16:36

Why are you clearing up Lego after a 9 year old OP? Let him clear it up himself.

BlancmanegeBunny · 13/08/2022 16:40

I'm sorry but I don't understand why you are allowing him to behave this way. If you don't want Lego on the living room floor why have you allowed it to be there for 2 weeks?
Why on earth did you leave him playing on his iPad while you put the Lego away? Surely the obvious thing would have been to take the iPad away until he cleared away the Lego?
You need to set clear boundaries.

729927luc · 13/08/2022 16:44

What Ive said to him now is, as he ignored me when I asked him to tidy up, it's tough that his models are broken. I really needed to crack on today and if I'd waited for him to tidy it up alone without my help there would've been fancying around! But yes, he is a lazy little so and so at times and I definitely need to make him do more.

OP posts:
jetadore · 13/08/2022 16:45

Thing is it doesn’t really matter if a bunch of randoms on the internet agree with you or not? Are you happy with the situation? If not then address it , work on your parenting, spend time searching for helpful parenting resources online (hint, not aibu), read some books, rather than wasting your time tending to the usual goady fuckers who are about to pop up on this thread.

Liz1tummypain · 13/08/2022 16:45

Yes he does sound like hard work and he has got to learn to accept the world doesn’t revolve around his wants and needs. He’s still only 9 though. You can work on him. You can see what’s happening and you can start to put your foot down more.

Try to let him see the boundaries. You don’t want Lego in the sitting room generally. You won’t take him out for sweets whenever he wants. If you expect him to help with housework then lay out what will be his chores. That would be my advice. Maybe discuss with husband first so you’re both clear on it and then explain to your son. You can do it, OP. All the best

Paniniandsalad · 13/08/2022 16:49

Sounds like a lack of respect and def not holding on boundaries.

My 7yo likes to leave Lego on the carpet. She gets a warning to clear it or if I clear it up it will be broken apart. If she was rude I would say I will clear away the Lego left on the floor and she wouldn't get it back for a set period of time. If it kept happening the Lego would be donated to someone else.

It also starts with you and DH - you wanted him to stay in and help - ask clearly and hold that boundary.
Your son is learning from watching you both interact.

Notanotherwindow · 13/08/2022 16:57

I have a rule that if I ask then to clear up toys twice and they don't, I will do it. However, my way is literally to pick them up and throw them into their rooms and if they break, tough shit, they won't get replaced. Many lego models, mini drones and even a Nintendo ds have been broken in this way. Now they pick up their shit when I ask them to.

litlealligator · 13/08/2022 16:57

I've voted that you're being unreasonable because he sounds like a normal nine year old and it's up to you to enforce the behaviour you want to see.

NoSquirrels · 13/08/2022 17:03

Kids whinge, the lack of a Twister lolly they wanted not a chic ice they didn’t is a common sort of gripe. Ignore stuff like that.

Lego you need a ‘if it’s in the lounge I’ll hoover it up’ rule that you stick to. It’s not surprising he doesn’t take any notice if for 2 weeks you don’t enforce the rule.

Your DH sounds like a bigger problem to me, and as if your DS is mirroring his treatment of you.

maddiemookins16mum · 13/08/2022 17:16

And we wonder why grown men (husbands/partners) act like this when they become fathers. Do the next generation of wives/mothers a favour and sort this entitled/spoilt behaviour out asap (with his Dad of course).

Itsgettinghotinhre · 13/08/2022 17:24

Sounds like normal school holidays apart from the Lego just say no to it being in the living room. Why didn't your DH run the hoover in 2 weeks? I think it's a DH problem also.

ForTheLoveOfSleep · 13/08/2022 17:33

Honestly... Going from your op he's not acting like a spoilt brat. He is a spoilt brat.
Playroom but you let him use the front room for 2 weeks with his shite everywhere. Which you then tidied? Stropping about ice lollies so you offer to drive him to the seaside to get an ice cream?!

Put boundaries down. He's not a baby just say "This is how it's happening today end of."

StaunchMomma · 13/08/2022 17:40

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weltenbummler · 13/08/2022 17:55

At nine he needs to tidy up his lego when asked BEFORE any ice lollies - twister or choc -are even up for discussion. And if he refuses and you have to spend your own time to tidy up the lego, you naturally then don't have time to take him for ice cream. He will not be able to get away with this sort of behaviour in school. If you're not receiving complaints from school re this sort of thing it just indicates that he can do it but at home does not see the need. Clear boundaries, consistency and natural consequences can help you to help him change.

Yousee · 13/08/2022 18:18

My three year old was refusing to tidy up his toys, making a big show of scattering them around even more, total bratty behaviour.
So Mummy made a big show of chucking the lot in big black bags and launching them in the direction of the Wheely bins. Highly effective as now he just needs a reminder of what happened to those toys to stop him in his tracks.
They aren't really in the bin, they are in the garage and he will get them back eventually.

Your boy is very lucky you only broke down and tidied his Lego models.

LeChienAMangeMesDevoirs · 13/08/2022 18:20

I don't really have any advice but sympathy for you. My 9 yr old is a whinger and it drives me crazy! I always say you could give him the moon and he would want the stars! It's just the way he is.

I tend to ignore or call him out on it both of which make him cross. I restrict screens or suggest activities. It's exhausting. I try and emphasise and explain but I think he doesn't get it.

He's the middle child and the other 2 are not like this. Thankfully he restricts this behaviour to home and days out with me and DH rather than school or friends.

Just hope he grows out of it really. It's a pretty unattractive quality.

Unanananana · 13/08/2022 18:27

I love the noise Lego makes when it goes up the hoover.

My DS only refused to clean up Lego once....

He does sound like a brat I'm afraid. Too much negotiation/offering on your part. Who died and made him king?

Bonjovispjs · 13/08/2022 18:37

Sorry OP but I genuinely believe that if kids behave like brats then that's down to poor parenting, set some boundaries.

Deadringer · 13/08/2022 18:43

Of course he is going to leave his stuff lying around and eat crap, he is a child, he isn't spoiled you just need to be firmer with him. I agree with pp I would be more annoyed with dh for leaving all the shit work to you.

tinplantpot · 13/08/2022 18:43

He has a playroom. Why is his Lego in the living room?

And as for driving him to the beach. I have no words.

justthecat · 13/08/2022 18:49

When mine showed no interest in picking up their Lego up I got the hoover out and offered to do it, it soon got picked up.

UWhatNow · 13/08/2022 18:49

“Son sees me as the boring one I think as I do 99% of all the cleaning, sorting, life responsibility stuff whereas husband, if he has a day off, will say come on let's go down the seafront and blow £50 on crap.”

So you are the house scivvy, maid and bottle washer - and your DH is more than happy with that and you wonder why your male child is a brat. 🙄

tiggergoesbounce · 13/08/2022 18:56

It doesnt sound like you follow through with things with him.

"Tidy up your lego"
"No"
Then you tidy it up

"Amuse yourself today no trips out"
DS moans
You offer to take him out.

I dont tidy up after my 4 year old never mind 9, at 4 if he didn't listen i would take away whatever he was playing with, and then more and more until he tidied up.

I would never make a thing of not doing something thrn renege when he moaned. Dont set rules you have no intention of sticking to.

So yes, you do sound like you are creating a spoilt child.
Boundaries and following through with stuff will be your friend here.

BMW6 · 13/08/2022 18:57

You're being a mug OP and are enabling his bratty behaviour.

I'd say any Lego outside playroom gets binned - and I'd do it 100%. No treats until he's done as you ask.

He's testing boundaries - act now or regret later.

Hungryharriet · 13/08/2022 19:02

I agree with every single post.