My child is behaving like a spoilt brat

[729927luc]

I am absolutely at the end of my tether today with my son aged 9. I feel like he is behaving like a spoiled brat but would appreciate some impartial opinions! So, this morning my husband was saying about how he wanted to go out etc. I said I was hoping to have a day at home as I had so much sorting, cleaning etc to do and we'd been out in the sun all day yesterday. But I said to husband he could go out (even though I could do with some help really but never mind)! Husband said he was going to the beach to look for fossils (his hobby). He asked our son (half-heartedly 🤣) if he wanted to go. Son said no. I said to son that if he doesn't go with dad to the beach then it is a home/garden/entertain yourself kind of day as mummy (me!) has lots to do. Before h left I asked him to get a few bits for me from the shop. Son wanted twister lollies so I put those on the list. H came back. There were no twister lollies but he bought some lovely choc cones instead. Son tried one, didn't like it. He then randomly started moaning about how we haven't got a pet and he wants one. For various reasons, mainly due to my pet hair allergy, we can't have a pet. We've had fish before but son paid no attention to them (surprise, surprise)! I said we've been through this loads and it's upsetting that you won't take no for an answer. I offered to take son for an ice cream down the seafront but he was then moody and said no. Fine I said. One of the big jobs I had to do today was clear up tons and I mean tons of lego from the living room floor. The carpet in there hadn't been hoovered for 2 weeks due to this lego and I said to my son, very clearly that it needed yo go away today and he should help me. He carried on playing on his IPAD so I just put it away. Anyway, 2 hours or so later he's going absolutely mental at me saying I've broken up his lego models and as a result have pretty much ruined his life!! Bear in mind the child has a playroom next to the lounge where he could set up his lego but he proceeds to drag it into the lounge which is the one room I like to keep toy free wherever possible. At another point this afternoon he also started saying how he wanted me to now take him down the seafront to the 'candy shop'. I said no as you've got plenty of sweets and my offer was for an ice cream before. So that was another huff! Honestly, I find it upsetting. I do everything for this family and i work but it's never enough. Son sees me as the boring one I think as I do 99% of all the cleaning, sorting, life responsibility stuff whereas husband, if he has a day off, will say come on let's go down the seafront and blow £50 on crap. Son now only really enjoys days out that involve considerable cost which of course is difficult in a 6 week break! My aIBu is am I being unreasonable expecting son to be able to cope with days when we are not pandering to his every need! Thanks for reading x

You need to impose some boundaries. However, the thing that would help the most would be your husband setting a good example rather than effing off to do his hobby and leaving you at home to do all of the housework. Understandably your son will be thinking “why should I help when my dad doesn’t have to”.

You have a husband problem.

Also, if he doesn’t put his own Lego away then you should pack it away somewhere where he can’t play with it again for a week. He’ll soon stay tidying uk after himself.

Your mention of Lego brings back memories of a whole group of 9-year-olds who didn't clear away........I had acquired some old sets for the dreaded wet lunch hours; I explained to the boys that this was not school stock but my personal property,
The deal was that, when lessons were due to resume, I would count slowly to 20, to give time to put away wet playtime stuff. It became clear that some little princelings were used to ignoring instructions to clear away the Lego, etc.
So I went round putting it all in its box, and then took it out to my car, claiming that I would take it home! (It just so happened that my classroom was just at the edge of the carpark, and my car was immediately outside, visible through the window.) They watched in dismay as I unlocked the boot of my car and stowed it away.
Of course, the box went no further than the boot of my car, but for the rest of that rainy week, I bemoaned the fact that, because Some People Could Not Do As They Were Asked, no Lego was available for the whole class. So quiet reading was really all we could do until it was time for lessons to restart.
After a week I relented. Your son is just of the same age, seeing if you really mean business. Let him know that you do.

I would have more of a problem with your DH for not helping with the house work/chores

Yes, he is behaving like a spoilt brat.
I wonder why?

Personally I would've said early on go out with your dad or stay home and help me clean up

No choice

Then you can have a lolly

I think he's trying to create boundaries where there are none. My son is the same really doesn't like free rein. Needs me to lay the law down

Next time send him out with dh for the day
Then take three hours off to chill read a book take bath
No 9 year old understands or appreciates how the cleaning cooking etc gets done
Did you as a child?
But you can set lego boundaries

You would have preferred your husband to stay and help with the tasks that needed to be done but you said it was OK for him to go and pursue his hobby.

You are upset that your son keeps asking for a pet rather than tell him you've given him an answer and your mind hasn't changed.

You asked your son to pick up Lego but he ignored you so you did it.

Your son has a playroom and you prefer the toys to be kept in there but there was Lego all over the lounge floor anyway.

He "went mental" about his Lego and you seem upset about that rather than tell him that if the Lego had been in the playroom or he had tidied it when you asked him then his models would still be exactly as he wanted.

I appreciate this may sound quite unkind but it really isn't intended to; you are being a martyr and that is a choice.

Your son and husband keep taking you for granted and show you little or no respect, stop letting them.

Enforce some boundaries.

I said to my son, very clearly that it needed yo go away today and he should help me. He carried on playing on his IPAD so I just put it away

Gently, I think this is a problem of your own making. It’s time to not pander to him and if you ask him to do something, make him bloody well do it. He’s nine. He’s plenty big enough. I make my two year old tidy up after himself or else there are consequences.

Is he an only child ? He sounds very entitled. Just be firm and take the iPad till he has helped you and stop spending money on him for a while he needs bringing back down to earth !

Thanks for taking the time to reply, you are all absolutely right! I think in the heat today I allowed myself to take the easy option so I've had serious words with him and told him to give his head a wobble as he's bloody lucky! Next time he tries it, I'm going hard-core 🤣 he is a good boy most of the time so I know from experience a short sharp shock of consequence usually does the trick!

Lego in my house is off the floor and put away before bed every night. I have a just turned 10yo, 6yo and 4yo. I explained to them that in a fire, it would be dangerous to have it on the floor and id be unable to get to them. They seemed to take that on board and are religious at putting anything on the floor away.

My 4yo is a real brat at times though, my other 2 are reasonable. Not sure where I went wrong with her! I don't think it is always down to parenting.

I have a 9 yr old and I fully empathise. But to me it sounds like your son doesn't really have enough boundaries. Or should I say boundaries that you would like to have in place, like no Lego in the living room. Ignoring you while asking his to tidy this up by carrying on with the iPad, he knows you will tidy it all up, so win win. You need firmer, clearer boundaries and both of those are harder to maintain with kids as they get older!

And what about the husband who is also massively taking the piss and being a terrible role model?

Neither your H nor your son should have had any hobby or leisure time until the housework was done as a team. Then you could have had time off too.

If you want your son to do his part, your H will have to up his game on the home front.

If you don't want Lego in the sitting room then you are going to have to stop DS from getting started building models there. Take it away if he refuses to follow your orders on this.

You and your H need to sit down together and come to an agreement on the cash being splashed around because of the effect this is having on DS' expectations. £50 on random unplanned sweets or other shite on any given outing is ridiculous.

Please, he's a child and 9 years old. He becomes the kind of people you teach him to be. Everything in their life is about to set up for habits. If you allow him has HIS WAY without going through the hard parenting path, certainly you'd be disappointed for the kind of people he becomes.

Unless specid needs, parents should really take responsibility. (Sorry for being harsh. But just telling the fact.)

Okaaaay 😅

Yes absolutely agree with those saying stricter boundaries are required here. You sound like a bit of a martyr mum to be completely honest, and it's time to stop that and teach your 9 year old some tough lessons.

In our house it's things like take it or leave it regarding the cone. No bending to the child's will at the first whimper of dissatisfaction.
Tidy up/chores/homework before screen time (tv or playstation mainly, we dont have iPads or tablets)
Any spoilt brat behaviour is nipped in the bud quickly but you have to be prepared to stick to it, rather than do the cleaning yourself for an easy life.

I have 2 boys age 5 and 8 who are obsessed with lego. Their entire room floor is covered most days but it is always cleared up when asked. (I will add here i think clean up time is best when kids know where things go - does the lego have a designated place to be stored? For example, all loose lego goes in a big box and the boys are allowed 2-3 "models" or "creations" on display on a certain shelf at one time. If they want to display a new one they have to take another one down)
We just don't have the space to have it out all the time.

I cant believe it's not been hoovered in two weeks because a nine year old child refuses to tidy it up. I would have used the old 123 method. Im going to count to three and either you tidy it up or I do.
My kids know when I say this I probably mean tidy it into a bin bag 😂

Good luck Op. summer holidays are tough and bring all emotions to the surface

If you stop spoiling him he'll no longer be spoilt.

Why the heck isn't he tiding up his own Lego and why let him put it all over a room you like to keep tidy when he has a play room and why offer to buy him an ice-cream after you got him one already. Of course he's spoilt you parents have spoilt him

I think you need more modelling from your husband about tidying up. It sounds rather like your son has decided he doesn't need to do housework because his dad doesn't.

Lego on the floor for 2 weeks would have driven me mad, I'm afraid. Trays on the table which can be picked up and moved are the only place Lego was ever played with here!!

I would just ignore the ice cream conversation beyond a comment such as ooh, all the more for me.

You do sound a bit like your days are arranged around his wants. At 9 I'd suggest you decide the itinerary for the day and give him little choices within that?

We always used the black bag trick. I used to say to mine 'at 10am I'm hoovering up, anything out on the floor I will assume it's rubbish and black bag it'. Works a treat and non confrontational.

My son is 4 and picks up his own Lego. No way would I be faffing around like this at age 9!

Sorry but wtf can a kid do with a fish anyway! Not supposed he showed no interest

You absolutely created this monster

you can fix it but it starts now

We have a big round lego mat so lego can be played with on the floor then when they have finished you pull the strings that go around the edges and it turns into a bag