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Original poster

Naked bed situation

44 replies

Throwaway19383837 · 11/08/2022 13:10

So, a situation went a friend of mine has a primary aged daughter and recently started dating someone.

the new guy has met her daughter a couple of times when this happened.

He stayed over the night, and then in the morning her daughter came and got into bed with them whilst he was naked (naked under covers)

my friend then sent her daughter out to play games but she came in again shortly after, he was still naked under the covers.

my friend then took daughter downstairs so he could get dressed.

this has caused a bit of a debate as to wether it was appropriate to allow daughter in the room with a naked (but covered) man.

thoughts?

OP posts:
CrapBag39 · 11/08/2022 13:13

I think the real issue is why has she got a new man staying over and meeting her daughter so quickly? Let alone allowing her to see him in her mums bed! Is she completely stupid?

OldFan · 11/08/2022 13:17

Omg no way. But it wasn't the bloke's fault, just one of those things.

It just needs to be explained to the daughter that she can't do that when he's there. And he could keep something on his lower half.

Watermelonsugarhighlove · 11/08/2022 13:18

The man shouldn't even be naked with a child not his in the house Confused

GetOffTheRoof · 11/08/2022 13:28

He shouldn't be sleeping naked. He needs to be aware of the small child in the boat who is not related to him and for whom is not a parent and wear something in bed.

Massive massive safeguarding risk. We were reminded of this on a pre-adoption course.

GetOffTheRoof · 11/08/2022 13:29

House, not boat!

neverbeenskiing · 11/08/2022 13:31

The man shouldn't even be naked with a child not his in the house

What, ever? That might prove tricky. If he doesn't have kids of his own maybe he didn't anticipate the child would get into bed with them. The onus should be on the child's DM to say, you need to put something on as DD often comes into my room in the mornings.

10HailMarys · 11/08/2022 13:32

I don't think the man has done anything wrong. He wasn't to know that his girlfriend's daughter was going to wander in.

But your friend is being really inappropriate by having a man to stay over that her primary-aged daughter has only met a couple of times, and I also think she needs to explain to her daughter about personal space and boundaries if her daughter, at primary school age, didn't think twice about climbing into bed with someone who is essentially a visitor.

It's not about whether it was inappropriate for her daughter to be in the same room as a man who was naked under the bedcovers. If she knew him properly as someone who was a long-term part of her life, or if he was her uncle who was staying over in the spare room or something, it would be fine if she went in with a cup of tea for him or something provided he was covered up. The problem here is that her mum is having men over to the house that her daughter barely knows and that she doesn't seem to have had conversation with her daughter about what's appropriate in terms of physical contact with adults she barely knows.

At the very least she needs to tell her daughter to knock on mummy's bedroom door before coming in if mummy's friend is staying the night.

SweatyPie · 11/08/2022 13:37

I think you're right @10HailMarys. It's not about being uppity about nudity or relationships, but the dd could easily walk in on something and he's not even a stepparent or serious bf, he's a new date that's been brought round. There needs to be some kind of conversation, and if not, it needs be kept completely separate from the dd.

jay55 · 11/08/2022 13:38

Why didn't he put underwear on after the first visit?

Just10moreminutesplease · 11/08/2022 13:45

A new boyfriend shouldn’t be staying over at all when the child is home, at least not until they have had time to build a relationship.

And even then he needs to be wearing pants if there’s any chance of a child coming in the room. Being naked around an unrelated child is completely unacceptable and it’s the mum’s job to ensure this doesn’t happen.

TheWayoftheLeaf · 11/08/2022 14:08

She needs to teach her daughter not to get in the bed when there's a stranger in it for one. He probably felt super uncomfortable.

If I were him I would wear boxers while sleeping over from now on.

Not his fault but not appropriate.

MmeMeursault · 11/08/2022 14:33

TheWayoftheLeaf · 11/08/2022 14:08

She needs to teach her daughter not to get in the bed when there's a stranger in it for one. He probably felt super uncomfortable.

If I were him I would wear boxers while sleeping over from now on.

Not his fault but not appropriate.

Why is it the child's fault? Why should the child be made to feel it's her mistake? Surely the adults should be taking responsibility for this.

Staynow · 11/08/2022 14:45

Why has she got a man in her bed that she barely knows when her daughter is there? It sounds way too soon. He shouldn't even be there IMO, let alone naked.

TheRealityCheque · 11/08/2022 14:54

Oh no! A naked body.

Think of the children's!!!

Safeguarding, lol.

TheWayoftheLeaf · 11/08/2022 16:02

@MmeMeursault it's not the child's fault I just mean that at some point she needs to know what's ok and what's not and getting in bed with a man she doesn't know is obviously not a safe thing to do!

So she needs to be told that's not something you should do.

And I don't think it's the mama fault either he was asleep at his girlfriends house. Not wandering around in the buff.

GeriSignfeld · 11/08/2022 16:07

Imagine he probably felt quite uncomfortable.

I think your friend lacks boundaries if they thought this was acceptable.

Would think if the school heard that the daughter was in bed with a naked man it could be seen as concerning.

Your friend needs to get a lock on her door & teach her daughter to respect adults only time.

It sounds like she's been continuing to co-sleep with the child until primary school & she feels entitled to mum's bed.

But when you're dating & have a new man, at that stage (or ideally before) the co-sleeping needs to stop.

cadburyegg · 11/08/2022 16:12

Meeting the child so soon into the relationship, staying over so soon after meeting her, her getting into bed with a naked man - all of this is inappropriate and shouldn't have happened.

Too often children are exposed to a parent's relationship too quickly and it's never done for the benefit of the children - always because it makes it easier for the couple to continue their relationship.

And I say this as a single mum

CalistoNoSolo · 11/08/2022 16:17

Your friend is an idiot on so many levels. Feel very sorry for her daughter.

Inthesameboatatmo · 11/08/2022 16:18

I'm a single mum. Absolutely no way would i have a man over when my kids are her. What was she thinking fgs.

Atfirst1 · 11/08/2022 16:18

TheWayoftheLeaf · 11/08/2022 14:08

She needs to teach her daughter not to get in the bed when there's a stranger in it for one. He probably felt super uncomfortable.

If I were him I would wear boxers while sleeping over from now on.

Not his fault but not appropriate.

It's the daughters home. I think it's down to both BF and the mum tbh. Very unfair to put the blame on a child.

Both adults lacked awareness and tact.

Tiani4 · 11/08/2022 16:21

He should not sleep naked at his gf house when she has young DCs that come in to see her in her bedroom . He has no respect and if he flashed to the child he is putting her in an awful situation and himself in a precarious situation x fgs he should put some boxers on

Mum should have a bolt on inside of her bedroom door if she has bfs stay over

Creepymanonagoatfarm · 11/08/2022 16:27

My dc have been taught to knock.

NewMoney1000000 · 11/08/2022 16:30

This is totally the mother’s fault, what was she thinking!

Arnaquer · 11/08/2022 16:32

Mum and new boyfriend are irresponsible. She shouldn't be having him stay over so soon and he could have put boxers on to sleep in knowing there is a young girl at the house who could and did walk in at any time

BadNomad · 11/08/2022 17:17

Unless the door is locked, he should never be naked with someone else's child is in the house.