To go and do something with just my DC?

[Whataboringsummerholidays]

So far the summer holidays have been rubbish for my DC.

DH has DSC (two of them, age 10 and 11) twice as much which is great in itself but has ended up negatively impacting my DC. Let me explain.

DSC1 has a summer break club she attends every week day, one week on one week off. It runs from 10am until 3pm. On the one occasion we took 11yo DSS and the younger ones (toddler and baby) to soft play and for lunch during the hours she was at her club when she found out we'd gone without her she kicked off and cried.

Cue DH then deciding that to avoid further upset we would just sit around indoors until 3pm when she finished before we did anything from then onwards which is shit because we don't even have a garden.

My 3yo is very rambunctious and loves to be outside.

Any activity we then do is tailored to the older older children which my 3 year old does her best to join in with but can't really, and the poor baby is stuck in the pram or sitting on my lap. I'm starting to feel really guilty that I'm not doing anything enriching for him. The other half of the time DSC don't even want to go out.

WIBU to just go off with my two today and do something for/with them? DH will be miffed as he wants us all together and I don't suppose it'll go down well with DSC but I'm bored shirtless and feel sorry for my DC who barely get a look in.

Your DH is being ridiculous.

My youngest is at a playscheme this week, we’re absolutely not sitting around at hone waiting for her to finish. We’ve done other things.

I mean, it would be rotten to only do fun things when she’s at her club, but it’s ridiculous that she’s the only child having any fun until 3pm.

Your DH is going her no favours enabling that attitude.

What did he say when you told him you’re taking the younger ones out? I agree yanbu and he is being a plonker.

If he's happy to sit inside all day with the children, then tell him "great! I'll be out till 3 then. I'm thinking lunch, shopping, cinema. You stay here with the DC and make sure no one has any unauthorised fun until we collect DSD at 3."

Your DH is ridiculous.

You and the other kids can’t spend all day doing nothing because dd has an activity. Presumably she chose to do this, and the issue isn’t that she’s being forced to?

He needs to explain to her in no uncertain terms that this isn’t on. Not everything revolves around her and the little ones need to be entertained.

By all means do some things as a whole family - that’s healthy - but some things need to be just for the little ones. It’s their childhood too.

Honestly, my kids have a step mum and little brother, and of course they do their own thing some times.

He gets so defensive if I ever raise anything about his parenting of DSC that I don't agree with. He just shuts down completely.

I said I was going out with our two today and he paused for a moment then said "Oh...ok"

@Whataboringsummerholidays

he sounds gormless

don’t ask , don’t attempt to converse just tell him what you’re gonna do with the kids with no negotiation. And then do it.

stop taking his shit and start to assert your needs and your kids needs

Ask him if he has rang his ex and instructed her to keep dss home all day as it won't be fair on dsd if he goes anywhere..

Regarding DSD's activity yes she absolutely wants to / chose to do it.

After the crying incident I said to DH that if she would rather do something with us on a club day then she could just not go to club. He then explained how it was good for her and she enjoyed it etc... well what about the others then? He has no issue with them being cooped up indoors at the height of summer but god forbid DSD is given an ultimatum and choice as to which she would prefer to do. That's too much to put on her 😴

You are the only mum your little ones have. Do not let this pathetic and feeble man dictate how they are treated. Take them out and enjoy your time with them while they are small. This man sounds like he could not give a flying fuck about your children - its all about his guilty disney parenting. Well sod that, take your kids out every day and tell him to go and fuck himself. Stand up for your kids because he is not going to.

I know for a fact that DSC mum panders to it aswell, DSS and her other child (not DH's) are told not to mention anything they do. Bonkers.

Your DH sounds like an utter tool

"Gormless" is a kind description.
I think he's been a bit used to his daughter being the boss and it's a bit of a shock to find out that OP is no longer putting up with the BS.
Time for the wind to change, he can set his face to look gormless for infinity or he can engage his brain and actively consider the needs of all of his children.

Does he do anything with your kids? What is he doing while you're cooped up inside with them?

You are absolutely correct. Thank you.

Im not sure whether to vote you’re unreasonable for going along with it until this point or reasonable for eventually questioning it. You are unreasonable for feeding into this madness. No one can do anything until 3pm until the golden child is free?! I wouldn’t even debate it now, l would just say we are doing x tomorrow morning

Bugger all with the kids specifically, just pottering about the house and watching the clock tick by until its time to get DSC.

Last week I wanted him to take something to the charity shop for me but he couldn't because he's "waiting" to get DSC.

Absolutely crazy.
I would not be sitting in the house all day OR having the youngest ones out until 10pm
If he wants to sit in all day and then take them out at 4pm fine but I wouldn't be wasting my days.
My oldest plays football and until last year went to Summer Camp for it.
Youngest went wherever he wanted to go with me.
Oldest chooses to do camp her decision.

Ask him in all seriousness what sort of relationship he sees himself having with your joint dc when they are being raised second class..
The divide will become so apparent in time.
And if you divorced would he even bother with them then?

I'd split your time for the rest of the week. Take the kids somewhere nice today, take tomorrow for yourself and go out and plan something nice for the kids on Friday.

If he's literally doing bugger all, then he can look after them until it's time to collect DSD and you can have some child-free time while he does this.

These guilt ridden NRP make the absolute worst fathers. I feel sorry for his DD (11). Being treated as Princess of the world will absolutely destroy her character and ability to grow into a responsible adult. She is likely to become a very difficult teen, and because she cannot separate from Dad she is likely to stay emotionally dependent on him and possibly financially so as well. He is literally ruining her life with his Disney parenting, but nothing you can say or do will change this, if you criticise his parenting he will call you jealous, because he feels guilty. The same guilt will lead him to try and push your kids into being the second class family.

That's silly, don't lie to children. Your DH has to be able to parent her so that she doesn't kick off about this, it's wholly unreasonable of him (and her!). You go have a nice time with your own dcs and let your DH sort out his.

Things are really fucked up here. The baby shouldn't be out at 10pm, he should be in his bed asleep.

It's funny that it's not only ok for DSC to have fun at a club all day (not worried about the others being jealous of her), but they are doubly disadvantaged because they're not even allowed to have fun while she's there. Bonkers.

Absolutely 💯 take yours out! My dds and sd differ so much in what they like we do this a lot. In our 2 weeks off together at home they'll be maybe 2 days together and the rest separate meeting back up in the evenings as that way no misses out and I don't have to deal with stroppy faces!! Even on our holiday away there are days we won't spend together and actually they appreciate that as they all get what they want, we are happy seeing our kids happy and in the evening everyone is chilled out and happy to see each other. Leave him to it, there's no way I'd be sitting around waiting for any of ours to finish something if it meant the others missed out

Do you think I should show him this thread? Surely he'd be able to see how unreasonable and ridiculous he's being if he sees it from a bunch of strangers too