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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mum being horrible as I asked her not to text me. AIBU?

41 replies

NCforthisone2022 · 10/08/2022 22:19

Stepchild is 15. Good close relationship. Been in his life since he was 3. Not the OW.

Never had many dealings with my husbands ex wife, all contact gone through my husband.

Last week, I had a text from an unknown number which said "hiya, it's XX (stepsons mum). Can you save this number please as I want to have your number so I can contact you regarding XX (stepson)'s contact with XX (my husband) and any possible changes etc"

I replied; nice enough, and said "hi xx, thanks for your message, however I think it's not appropriate for you to text me about arranged contact. I would ask that you text xx (my husband) instead. Can you please not text me again regarding this, unless it's an emergency and you cannot get ahold of xx (husband).

My DH text her and asked how she got my number and she said she got it from their sons phone when he was in the shower.

Now since I sent that message, she's been telling stepson that I'm a stuck up cow who is so full of herself and that I think I'm gods gift amongst other nasty things.

Not being funny but I wouldn't expect my Husband to get involved with my daughters father regarding contact and I personally think I was being reasonable by saying only contact me if it's an emergency. But clearly I'm a cow for that!

WIBU?

OP posts:
Newmumatlast · 10/08/2022 22:20

Not at all

justfiveminutes · 10/08/2022 22:21

I'd have saved the number and just dealt with - or ignored - any messages that weren't appropriate, but admire you for setting out your stall so decisively.

I doubt anything she says will spoil your relationship with your stepchild, who knows you very well already.

1982mommaof4 · 10/08/2022 22:22

No but your reply was a bit uptight if I'm honest

SproutsAtChristmas · 10/08/2022 22:23

I think your reply is a bit abrupt and unnecessary. I'd have just saved the number and if she messaged about contact, I'd have said sorry you'll need to ask DH.

TeapotTitties · 10/08/2022 22:23

I think the Can you please not text me again regarding this was a bit of overkill.

I would've left it at I would ask that you text xx (my husband) instead.

It probably did come across as a bit snotty.

Gazelda · 10/08/2022 22:24

Of course you're not unreasonable to tell her that she needs to discuss these things with DH.
But your wording is a bit terse. The written word can often come across harsher than it may have been meant.

TeapotTitties · 10/08/2022 22:25

Also, it's a bit strange that you've been in your stepson's life for 12 years and his mum didn't have your number for emergencies.

AnneLovesGilbert · 10/08/2022 22:25

He’s 15, he can arrange contact with his dad himself if he wants to. She’s coped fine for 12 years dealing with her son’s dad, no reason at all to change things now. She’s ridiculous. Block her and trust DSS to be more annoyed she’s snooping for numbers in his phone. Batshit.

Scabetty · 10/08/2022 22:25

Rather formal reply so I see her point,

pedropony76 · 10/08/2022 22:25

I see nothing wrong with your message, it was straight to the point and not rude at all. Not really sure why she messaged you in the first place as it seems like there was absolutely no need too?

AnneLovesGilbert · 10/08/2022 22:26

TeapotTitties · 10/08/2022 22:25

Also, it's a bit strange that you've been in your stepson's life for 12 years and his mum didn't have your number for emergencies.

Yet they’ve all managed to muddle along. No reason to change things now.

FlissyPaps · 10/08/2022 22:27

Your message was quite rude.

Not surprised she’s telling people you’re a stuck up cow. It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it.

Dotcheck · 10/08/2022 22:27

TeapotTitties · 10/08/2022 22:23

I think the Can you please not text me again regarding this was a bit of overkill.

I would've left it at I would ask that you text xx (my husband) instead.

It probably did come across as a bit snotty.

☝️☝️☝️☝️☝️

MigraineLevel9000 · 10/08/2022 22:27

To those saying you can see the mums point...

Maybe so, but you can't say it's appropriate to then go slagging off op to the child about it. That's manipulative and shitty in anyones book, that's before you even get to the part about snooping on the phone and stealing phone numbers!

ChubbyCaterpillar · 10/08/2022 22:28

I think you could have got the same message across but in a nicer way. It probably would have been received better. Anyway it's done now.

Jobsharenightmare · 10/08/2022 22:30

I would have said you are welcome to contact me in an emergency otherwise please contact to speak with X about contact as usual.

The don't contact me again was a little much I think.

Original poster
NCforthisone2022 · 10/08/2022 22:31

TeapotTitties · 10/08/2022 22:25

Also, it's a bit strange that you've been in your stepson's life for 12 years and his mum didn't have your number for emergencies.

She's got precious for drunk prank calling me in the past with her friends. I ended up changing my number because of it as it would happen every weekend she went out when we had stepson.

I get on reflection my response was a bit brash, but I don't deserve to be called nasty names for it.

OP posts:
Porcupineintherough · 10/08/2022 22:31

In all honesty she has a point. You were super snotty.

loveislandusa · 10/08/2022 22:32

you were rude

Sciurus83 · 10/08/2022 22:32

Yeah you could've been a lot less snotty about that, no need really. Her reaction was wrong.

Sciurus83 · 10/08/2022 22:33

She's got precious for drunk prank calling me in the past with her friends

Ooooh this changes it, fair enough

TeapotTitties · 10/08/2022 22:33

I get on reflection my response was a bit brash, but I don't deserve to be called nasty names for it.

True, but what is the 15 year old playing at by telling you what his mum said about you?

It's a bit shit stirry isn't it, and he's old enough to know better.

clickychicky · 10/08/2022 22:34

TeapotTitties · 10/08/2022 22:25

Also, it's a bit strange that you've been in your stepson's life for 12 years and his mum didn't have your number for emergencies.

Not really. My DSC's mum doesn't have my number. She doesn't need it I don't have hers it's written down somewhere safe for an emergency but no need for me to have it on my phone.

OP, your DH needs to have words with his son, it is not on for him to be bringing that poison into your home.

clickychicky · 10/08/2022 22:35

TeapotTitties · 10/08/2022 22:33

I get on reflection my response was a bit brash, but I don't deserve to be called nasty names for it.

True, but what is the 15 year old playing at by telling you what his mum said about you?

It's a bit shit stirry isn't it, and he's old enough to know better.

Yes exactly this. DH needs to have a word with him about that. He's a stirrer.

Original poster
NCforthisone2022 · 10/08/2022 22:37

@TeapotTitties he was telling my husband what was said when I walked into the kitchen and I heard the first part. He was clearly embarrassed and he even apologised. I told him he had nothing to apologise about.

There was no shit stirring about it. You could tell he was clearly annoyed by what was said.

OP posts:
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