Mum being horrible as I asked her not to text me. AIBU?

[NCforthisone2022]

Stepchild is 15. Good close relationship. Been in his life since he was 3. Not the OW.

Never had many dealings with my husbands ex wife, all contact gone through my husband.

Last week, I had a text from an unknown number which said "hiya, it's XX (stepsons mum). Can you save this number please as I want to have your number so I can contact you regarding XX (stepson)'s contact with XX (my husband) and any possible changes etc"

I replied; nice enough, and said "hi xx, thanks for your message, however I think it's not appropriate for you to text me about arranged contact. I would ask that you text xx (my husband) instead. Can you please not text me again regarding this, unless it's an emergency and you cannot get ahold of xx (husband).

My DH text her and asked how she got my number and she said she got it from their sons phone when he was in the shower.

Now since I sent that message, she's been telling stepson that I'm a stuck up cow who is so full of herself and that I think I'm gods gift amongst other nasty things.

Not being funny but I wouldn't expect my Husband to get involved with my daughters father regarding contact and I personally think I was being reasonable by saying only contact me if it's an emergency. But clearly I'm a cow for that!

WIBU?

To all those people saying mum had a point how is this any less rude?!

hiya, it's XX (stepsons mum). Can you save this number please as I want to have your number so I can contact you regarding XX (stepson)'s contact with XX (my husband) and any possible changes etc"

It's so presumptuous of her to assume OP would know anything about the contact and any possible changes. Why does she think her stepson is anything to do with OP? OP isn't dad's bloody secretary.

Your reply was abrupt and rude op. Yabu.

It's so presumptuous of her to assume OP would know anything about the contact and any possible changes. Why does she think her stepson is anything to do with OP? OP isn't dad's bloody secretary.

But the mum might need to make changes in an emergency. It's not at all unusual to have your DC's stepparent's number for emergencies.

Having said that, the OP left out some vital info in her opening post about the prank calling etc.

You didn't need to be so arsey.

I'd have just said

Happy to exchange numbers for emergencies if if you can't contact XXXXX but please contact XXXXX for general contact arrangements.

Bit bloody prim and uptight, frankly: this bit in particular 'Can you please not text me again regarding this' makes it sound like she's pestering you when in fact it was a single text message. She may be a nightmare but you sound pretty brusque.

I think your reply was rude, heavy handed and unnecessary tbh.

I kind of think you deserve anything you get back from her in response to your Own abrupt rudeness to her. You could have literally just said hi of course will save your number but dh would prefer to deal with contact , instead you were antagonistic and did come across a snotty cow

Nah to PPs, well said OP. She was well out of order, you’re just setting boundaries.

Is she the sort of person to be appeased by an apology for how the message came across? Perhaps more importantly, is she worthy of apologising to for the message for the sake of good relations or not really? If no, move on and don't worry about it; it sounds like DSS isn't impressed with her comments anyway.

She’s obviously a total dick but that doesn’t mean you need to be too. You should have been more polite.

I don’t want DPs ex to message me the exact same as him not wanting to hear from my ex’s. There would be nothing I would agree or disagree to without speaking to DP as the kids father; so why not just message him.

Massive drip feed there.
Your reply was also rude.

She's got precious for drunk prank calling me in the past with her friends. I ended up changing my number because of it as it would happen every weekend she went out when we had stepson.

Okay this is a game changer, YANBU

Obviously the massive drip feed makes a difference.

Until then, your reply was unnecessary and I don't see
a) why you wouldn't just store it in your phone
b) how come you haven't had it all these years, when her ds was with you from when he was 3 ! Just common sense to have more than one number in case of emergency.

I would be pissed off that she stole your phone number, particularly with the massive drip feed history. I properly would have sent similar.

I don't think your message is rude, it's formal because you hardly know the woman. No need to hun it up.