To not care she’s busy?

[TheStarsComeOut]

I have a friend who’s comments about how busy she is are starting to grate a bit.

In one evening she told me twice “me and partner are busy every single Friday night, Saturday day, Saturday night and Sunday day”

… ok? I didn’t ask nor was I suggesting a meet up.

We have two mutual friends and we do the same outing each Christmas and she’s just messaged me saying we need to organise as her diary is so full. When we are having dinner together next week so can easily discuss it then.

It grates because I never have a “I’m busier than you” type competition. It’s like she’s running a race and trying to beat me when I haven’t even participated.

Could she just be really busy and feeling guilty about lack of space in her diary? I am always busy (nothing exciting, but ferrying kids to clubs, work, etc..) and I feel terrible that I have no time and space to see my friends.

But I’m not asking to see her.

She’s just randomly telling me she’s busy.

That would piss me off too Op. In fact, I've known people like that and in the next breath they say "oh we just spent the whole week/month vegetating lol we couldn't keep up with you!' Fucking pick a side and stop boring me with your BS.

I'd bin them off.

Knew someone like this... always 'super busy' but strangely needed lifts, babysitting, clothes washing ( when her machine broke down) as well only being available for lunch if I was supplying.

Got rid.

Do you otherwise like her?
If so, just ignore her.
Or just ask her outright
why she keeps telling you that she’s so busy.

Sounds like she wants to makes plans to see you but needs to get them in early. Some people are just really busy it’s not a bad thing.

I know a few people who always have to tell you how very busy they are. It's extremely annoying, imo.

Maybe she’s stressed and trying to share with a friend?

Isn’t everyone busy? My full time job, exams, just general life admin and house chores keeps me busy and none of that is social or fun.

No, I know her well enough to know this is a competitive thing sadly.

Yes! I have a couple of friends like this - I'll text conversationally 'how are you?' standard response: 'I'm busy'

With one of them I've landed up feeling like such a nuisance for even messaging once in a blue moon that I haven't done for months now.

The other one, you ask how they're doing and they list off a reel of holidays and trips they've been on and how many more they have planned...ok...we're all doing things now, I wouldn't find it entertaining to list my activities to you but you think I want to just read what you're up to??

Be too busy to read her messages about being busy.

Haha sounds like my SIL! Every time I go round (which isn’t often) I get a random breakdown of their itinerary of their weekends for at least the next month with emphasis on how full they are. Always found it odd 😂

I think people just talk to their friends about their lives don't they.

They'll tell you if they're having a tough time, they'll tell you if they're doing something fabulous, they'll tell you if they're a bit stressed or busy, they'll tell you if they've got a little run of nice weekends.

It wouldn't bother me as I like my friends and don't assume negative reasons for their behaviours. I mean, you've no idea why she's telling you how busy she is, yet you've assumed it's competitive bragging. Why would it be? Who gets competitive about being busy? If you feel it as a brag or a judgment on your own life then I think that's more about how you feel about yourself tbh

Know someone like this. Wonders why other women have little time for her

it’s boring! Everyone is busy. And some are busy because they’re doing all the stuff that perfectly able bodied husbands/kids could do for themselves but don’t cos you’ve taken every scrap of wife work on.

I’m diplomatic but it makes no difference

Some people turn 'busy' into an art form. What does she want? A 'busiest person' award. Sounds exhausting!

Nah. I think you’re probably guilty of being the “I’m just so busy” type when no one asked or cares.

Don't see her anymore. You don't like her. You aren't her friend.

People are allowed to annoy you. No relationship of any kind is 100% perfect 24/7.

shes a ‘human doing’ (things) instead of a human BEING!

Bit childish, but aren't you tempted to go "Sounds exhausting" and yawn every time?!

So if you are both busy, then doesn't it make sense to say "well knowing how busy we both are, do you want to put something in the diary for September?"

I feel your pain, OP, I know several people like this. I would also describe it as 'electively busy', as half of the stuff they've chosen to do. I do often feel like suggesting they do less but think it would fall on deaf ears.

"Nah. I think you’re probably guilty of being the “I’m just so busy” type when no one asked or cares."

It's an interesting theory but not true. So it is certainly possible for you to misinterpret the words and motives of other people, and you might be doing this with your friend also.

It does seem like such a minor character flaw in a friend, if you choose to see it as a flaw. I would let it go if she is a nice friend in other ways. Maybe there are things about you that she is overlooking in return.

What's really annoying is that she continues to boast (I presume?) about something you couldn't give a shiny shit about.

It's like you're just a random face for her to talk at until she's done.