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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell my manager she can’t share my baby news

31 replies

Gherkin14 · 10/08/2022 16:20

A couple of weeks ago I gave birth to my dd…this was following a complicated pregnancy and previous loss at 27 weeks in 2021.
my manager has always been very supportive so I messaged her to tell her baby had arrived safely, she asked for picture which I shared and then she asked if she could share this with one of the senior staff group WhatsApps at work. For context I work in icu in a large hospital so there’s about 40-50 people in this group-and not to sound petty but not all of them I like and would not be sending a picture of my daughter to. I haven’t shared anything on social media either as I don’t feel ready to do this after our loss last year and a tricky pregnancy so feel it’s justified to say I’d rather not? Or am I just being silly?

OP posts:
ChuckMater · 10/08/2022 16:22

Your baby, your choice. Congratulations on your new bundle, sorry to hear about your loss x

georgarina · 10/08/2022 16:23

It's a normal thing for her to ask, and at my work everyone does this when a baby is born (via email though). But it's also your right to say no.

And congratulations Flowers

Cantanka · 10/08/2022 16:23

I’m sorry about your previous loss ❤
Who your baby news get shared with is up to you so if you aren’t ready for people to know yet then it’s fine to say so. Not wanting people you don’t like to see a picture of your baby is something I don’t really get though

HunterHearstHelmsley · 10/08/2022 16:23

Firstly, congratulations 🎊

I understand not wanting to share a photo but I think I'd let her tell them you've had the baby etc. Otherwise it becomes a thing

Obviously it's very personal so you're within your rights not to.

prettyprinceofpartiez · 10/08/2022 16:25

I think it's totally understandable to say no to the picture being shared if you're keeping her image private and just for close friends and family. It sounds like she wants to let the team know the baby arrived safe and sound, which presumably is fine with you?

In which case, I'd just respond saying 'we'd prefer to keep pictures private and just for close friends and family at the moment, but feel free to post her name/weight/birth date etc!'

Huge congratulations!

SleepingStandingUp · 10/08/2022 16:27

Your baby, your call. If baby is poorly i can understand you might want to wait until things are better before you start . sharing. Having said that, i told work via a friend fairly early on and i had a lot of support from them and kind messages etc

Surely the people you don't like also don't like you tho so they'll just ignore and delete. They're not going to care any more than you would in return

PortalooSunset · 10/08/2022 16:36

Would you be happy for the news to be shared without the picture? Or just not at all?

Just say no if you're not comfortable. Maybe send your own message when you feel ready.

HinchcliffeandMurgatroyd · 10/08/2022 16:39

Congratulations on your baby!

Sharing the baby news and sharing the baby photo are two different things.

It’s perfectly normal to drastically limit access to photos, but really quite unusual to keep a baby’s arrival entirely secret.

Squiff70 · 10/08/2022 16:51

Congratulations!

She's YOUR baby. You should and do get to choose who knows about her safe arrival and when, but also has access to pictures of her. You are absolutely not being unreasonable if you ask your manager not to share your news or photo of your daughter at this time. Be polite, but don't be afraid to say you're not ready to share your news just yet. You don't need to give a reason. As I said, your baby, your rules.

sancynancy · 10/08/2022 17:03

I don't think she'd be offended if you said no, she asked your permission first so just say you're not comfortable.
It's totally your choice who you share photos with.
I think the fact she asked first shows she's a decent sort, plenty wouldn't

10HailMarys · 10/08/2022 17:06

First of all, congratulations on your lovely new baby!

I think women have all sorts of strong feelings about certain things when they've just had a baby, even without having gone through the traumatic prior experiences that you did before you had your DD, so it is absolutely fine that you don't want the photo shared further.

I would give a fairly light and chatty reply, something like 'I know this might seem weird but would you mind not sharing the photo? I haven't shared pictures on my own social media yet as I don't feel quite ready somehow. So would rather keep it low-key right now - hope that's OK!'

She has asked your permission for a reason, so if she wasn't prepared for you to say no, she wouldn't have asked. I'm sure she'll understand.

SummaLuvin · 10/08/2022 17:08

Keeping pictures and all details private is a matter of choice, though seems a little over protective.

However, I presume your co-workers knew you were expecting and might be growing concerned what has happened, even if you aren't close to all these people. I can't see an issue with a simple message to say you have delivered and mother and baby are well.

MILLYmo0se · 10/08/2022 17:09

She wouldnt have asked if she hadnt been aware there was a possibility you wouldnt be comfortable with it, so dont worry about it, just say you d rather she didnt. You dont need an explanation for it

amylou8 · 10/08/2022 17:10

I doubt anyone will be that concerned either way. Everyone likes a bit of good news, but it will be a monetary awwww how nice, then back to their day.

SolasAnla · 10/08/2022 17:11

As PP said 2 different things.

I would say that she can share the news of the new baby.

But that you and DP have not decided on how much social media data you want to share on behalf of your baby and if necessary say its a "discussion" that you are trying to resolve with some family members who have uploaded their whole life on SM?

stuntbubbles · 10/08/2022 17:15

Your baby, your choice. Presumably you went on maternity leave before having the baby, and that’s all your colleagues need to know: you’re on maternity leave. They don’t need details, dates, pictures, etc.

tokyotea · 10/08/2022 17:15

Congratulations! This happened to me too. I shared a pic with my manager and she did share it in the WhatsApp group... which I wasn't best pleased with as DC was with a feeding tube at that point still in NICU. So just say you aren't comfortable with it being shared? Your baby, your choice. It's quite understandable.

BattenburgDonkey · 10/08/2022 17:19

She asked, you’d prefer she didn’t so just say that, no AIBU needed really, it’s not a big deal. If your happy with her sharing the news but not the picture just say that. Congrats!

xJoyfulCalmWisdomx · 10/08/2022 17:25

Don't be so precious. Everybody knew you were pregnant right?? Just tell people yourself, it's not a secret!
I have had kids and I know you get all caught up in the big news story (as it seems at the time) but you'll cringe later.

smartiesnskittles · 10/08/2022 17:25

I would let her share the news but not with the picture, if that's your preference. Why not also ask that you've said there's no need for everyone to reply. Saves 40/50 congratulation texts and people placing the group on mute...

Sally872 · 10/08/2022 17:49

Your closer collegues are probably thinking of you and keen to hear safe arrival, so i would allow manager to share the news. Could easily ask them not to share picture though.

Original poster
Gherkin14 · 10/08/2022 17:50

No I understand everyone knew I was pregnant and totally aware hormones are fuelling my silliness. And of course they’ll find out.
I just had some insensitive comments after our loss last year from some of those people and when people found out I was pregnant again which as silly as it sounds made me want to keep things quite private

OP posts:
HoneyFlowers · 10/08/2022 17:56

Could you not instead share a photo of the baby's hand or foot instead of the whole baby? Congratulations by the way and at least she asked permission!!!

ZebraLyghts · 10/08/2022 18:12

Send her a pic of a random baby from Google, OP.
I wouldn't want people I disliked getting a photo of my baby sent directly to their phones either. Might be classed as silly but whatever, that's how I feel so I get where you're coming from. I remember bumping into someone I used to work with and he mentioned my wedding photos. Not sure how he'd managed to see them but they'd obviously done the rounds somehow!

Ahhhhhbisto · 10/08/2022 18:26

Congratulations! Entirely your choice OP. It was very thoughtful of her to ask, so many other people wouldn't, I think she will respect whatever answer you give and for whatever reason.