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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why does this annoy me?!

31 replies

Embarras83 · 10/08/2022 14:33

so people who say I did x with my friend. Why does this annoy me? I have two friends who do it a lot.

it could be like ‘I was out with my friend last night and we did x y z’ why not just name your friend? Or no I didn’t go to that concert because I decided to go to cinema with friends and family.

or ‘my friend and I had dinner and a few drinks last night’ why not say your friend’s name?

or we are going away with ‘friends’ or my friend’s son has said he wants X for birthday - well our kids are in the same school so it’s highly likely I’ll know who ‘friend’ is.

I don’t get the reason for the anonymity?

OP posts:
SquigglePigs · 10/08/2022 14:42

I think it depends. If you would know the other person by name then yeah, it's a bit weird but if you wouldn't then saying "I went out for dinner with Anna last night" and you having no idea whether Anna was a friend, date, elderly relative or colleague/work associate would be even more weird to me.

10HailMarys · 10/08/2022 14:42

If I'm talking to someone who knows the friend, I will name the friend.

If they don't know them, however, I will say 'my friend' because if I say 'I went to the cinema with Kate' it will mean absolutely fuck-all to them.

I don't quite understand why you need to know the names of random people that your friends socialise with? What does that actually add to your understanding of the situation?

I have two friends who do it a lot

Why not name them, if you think naming friends in conversation is important?

my friend’s son has said he wants X for birthday - well our kids are in the same school so it’s highly likely I’ll know who ‘friend’ is

Why? People do have friends whose kids don't go to the same school as their own children?

neverbeenskiing · 10/08/2022 14:47

Because you might not know them. It would be a bit odd if they kept mentioning people by name who you'd never heard of and just assuming you knew who they were on about.

Essexgalttc · 10/08/2022 14:53

I see where you are coming from

If I’m talking to someone who knows who my friend is or I’ve spoken about them before I would name them “I went to visit Abbie on Saturday” where as if my friend didn’t know them I would say “I went to visit a friend Saturday”

Original poster
Embarras83 · 10/08/2022 15:08

I kind of find it a bit meh - like trying to say oh look at me I have lots of friends. I’ll say oh I was with my Uni friend, school friend etc

OP posts:
LonginesPrime · 10/08/2022 15:11

I agree it's weird when they say 'my friend', as opposed to 'a friend' or 'my friend Anna'.

Because it sounds like they're being weirdly possessive and secretive about said friend. Or possibly even implying that the person on the receiving end of the conversation is more of an acquaintance and isn't perceived to also fall into the speaker's category of 'friend'. I appreciate that other people see it differently though (obviously, the ones who say it and don't mean it this way..).

Toucan123 · 10/08/2022 15:14

I have a friend who does the opposite and I find it really weird. I've only known her about two years so I don't know a lot of her friends or relatives. E.g. she'll say "I'm going up to Manchester to see Ben and Jo" or "I bumped into Alistair last week, I couldn't believe it!". She knows I don't know who any of these people are or how she knows them so it's really odd.

HangOnToYourself · 10/08/2022 15:18

I have a friend who always names people by name who I clearly dont know. I find that so strange and it seems like they are just dying for me to ask who they are

LonginesPrime · 10/08/2022 15:22

Toucan, I'd say that could be a theory of mind thing - lots of my neurodivergent friends and family do this. My DM is constantly saying 'but you knew I was going to this thing'..erm no, because I'm not psychic! She often forgets that not everyone has access to the info in her head and just carries on with her stories regardless.

NoSquirrels · 10/08/2022 15:27

Embarras83 · 10/08/2022 15:08

I kind of find it a bit meh - like trying to say oh look at me I have lots of friends. I’ll say oh I was with my Uni friend, school friend etc

It’s a bit odd to think they’re boasting about having lots of friends. And you’ve said you do it yourself - ‘my uni friend’ is the same as ‘my friend’, or am I missing something?

Original poster
Embarras83 · 10/08/2022 15:43

Yes but I would then go further and explain - I’m just like name your friend.

OP posts:
CuriousCatfish · 10/08/2022 15:45

I hate it when people say 'I was out with Jane last night' and I have no bloody clue who Jane is.

Skiingwithgin · 10/08/2022 15:47

See I feel the opposite, I have a friend (lol) who always uses names and half the time I have no clue who the hell she’s talking about.

”I went for lunch with Charlie yesterday” - who the heck? Should I know who this person is to you? Am I being rude and have forgotten? 9/10 it’s someone totally inconsequential from work or random acquaintance of course I wouldn’t know!

funny really

SandieCollins · 10/08/2022 15:49

My friend 😉 names everyone as if I know them. I have no idea who she’s talking about most of the time and can’t keep up with the story.

Merryoldgoat · 10/08/2022 15:50

So you’d prefer they said ‘I went out with Jane, my friend from Pilates and we got so drunk I vomited in a bin’ rather than ‘my friend and her got so drunk we were sick’?

Why would you expect a friend to be named when you don’t know them?

Merryoldgoat · 10/08/2022 15:51

‘My friend and I’ obviously 🙄

Original poster
Embarras83 · 10/08/2022 15:59

Well sometimes I feel like they’re trying to hide which friend they’re with? But yes I think I’d rather people just say!

OP posts:
HotWashCycle · 10/08/2022 16:01

Its really annoying when people talk about others and give their names and you have no idea who they are talking about. It is as if you ought to know who they are. That feels really presumptious to me, and you are supposed to say "Who is X?", so yes I think YABU if they just refer to a friend but without a name. They could say my friend (name) I suppose.

CuriousCatfish · 10/08/2022 16:02

Perhaps she should call them friend A, B or C in true MN style.

WhereTheLightningBugsBlaze · 10/08/2022 16:07

Toucan123 · 10/08/2022 15:14

I have a friend who does the opposite and I find it really weird. I've only known her about two years so I don't know a lot of her friends or relatives. E.g. she'll say "I'm going up to Manchester to see Ben and Jo" or "I bumped into Alistair last week, I couldn't believe it!". She knows I don't know who any of these people are or how she knows them so it's really odd.

This

my friend always tell me “oh, I’m going here with Mary and Sue” “who the fuck are Mary and Sue?” “Oh, my ex DP mum and gran!”

clickychicky · 10/08/2022 16:11

I can't stand it when people say I went to the cinema with Charlie etc if I have no idea who Charlie is. I'm not going to remember the name of all their bloody friends and its just irrelevant info.

NoSquirrels · 10/08/2022 16:12

Embarras83 · 10/08/2022 15:59

Well sometimes I feel like they’re trying to hide which friend they’re with? But yes I think I’d rather people just say!

This seems a bit paranoid of you.

Why do you think people want to hide their friendships (or lack of) or boast about their friendships?

Loics · 10/08/2022 16:15

Most of my friends don't know each other, so it would just extend every conversation with "who is X?".

londonlass71 · 10/08/2022 16:17

YABU and also controlling. Way too much time on your hands

Toucan123 · 10/08/2022 16:30

I had no idea the annoying way my friend talks about her aquaintances (i.e. just giving their name instead of saying "My neighbour Tom" or "My financial director Doreen" etc) was so common! She's literally the first person I've met that does this.