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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Are preschools allowed to reject children because they are not toilet trained?

66 replies

BenjiLove · 10/08/2022 12:42

Just that really. My DS was toilet trained for 6 weeks or so - but has regressed & is now having accidents and wanting his nappies back again.

DS is due to start preschool in Sep. The preschool is Ofsted registered (the rest of the school is private) - as it's an early years provider and has the free hours.

Anyway - in the contract it says children must be fully toilet trained, if they're not, can be removed and not even given deposit back.

It also says they can reject children if they are have SEN or are challenging and it affects others.

Surely if they're ofsted registered they need to be more inclusive than this?

I was so impressed with the facilities and the preschool staff I met, and DS's current nursery is falling apart (no staff, having to close for random days) , so keen for the move - but starting to panic I've been seduced by the fancy stuff and it's not particularly welcoming or inclusive??

OP posts:

Threeboysandadog · 10/08/2022 17:11

Ds3 started school nursery at 3 in pull-ups despite both his older brothers being trained by 2.5. He appeared quite advanced in other areas but struggled to get the hang of toilet training. The nursery weren’t keen but had to take him and were quite vocal at deciding it was my lack of effort. He was later diagnosed with ASD/DCD/ADHD which may have had a bearing. Just keep encouraging him and hopefully it will all work out.

SlurpSlooChortle · 10/08/2022 17:46

@Threeboysandadog

I think this is my fear, that they will think it is my lack of effort. I have been living potty training with DS for months now.

He was three in feb and not due to start until sep but he just will not do it.

He can hold wees in but he won't be able to hold from 9-3pm and his poos I dead to think what will happen.

I have a meeting with them the day before he starts and I am going to tell them everything so they are aware and if they decide it's best to ease him in with just morning sessions then I would do whatever he needs.

DS is diagnosed with a hearing issue in one ear and does generally take longer to come round to doings new things so I do worry about him the most.

balalake · 10/08/2022 17:48

Other than meeting needs for children with SEN, I think it is reasonable providing that they are 100% consistent. It should not be a proxy for keeping some children out for other reasons.

LIZS · 10/08/2022 17:49

Not if they accept Early Years funding. It could be discriminatory otherwise.

x2boys · 10/08/2022 18:02

Marvellousmadness · 10/08/2022 15:57

Whatever you do

Do NOT put him back in nappies
He has turned 3 you said. Recently. So he is old enough to be potty trained. Just because he regressed doesn't mean this will last weeks/months. Try different ways to encourage him.

But honestly: If I ran a kindy i would ban the non potty trained kids too . Imagine 30 kids that wee them selves several times throughout the day. You cant really blame them can you...

Thankfully we don't discriminate against kids anymore whonare not toilet trained for whatever reason ,.

x2boys · 10/08/2022 18:09

1AngelicFruitCake · 10/08/2022 16:12

Completely agree with this. I’m a Nursery teacher and whilst we can’t ask them to be toilet trained it makes it very difficult when they aren’t. I think a lot of parents see us ‘playing’ and don’t see it as a big deal but we each have set activities or areas we are in that the children are exploring, a child has an accident and we have to stop whatever we’re doing with the rest of the children to change them. Sometimes this happens 4 or 5 times in one morning.

Im not expecting no toileting accidents but I do find it frustrating when some parents have not even tried to toilet train!

Show quote history

I find it quite worrying that as a teacher you would think parents haven't even attempted to to toilet train
Why would you think it's easier having to change nappies on an older child then try to toilet train them
Having a disabled child myself who I was only able to toilet train when he was nine I can assure you it would have made my life far easier if he had been Trained at three .

NCHammer2022 · 10/08/2022 18:13

In your circumstances I’d look for a good nursery instead - not a preschool or school nursery.

NCHammer2022 · 10/08/2022 18:17

TiddleyWink · 10/08/2022 13:28

One of the reasons I personally think that a good nursery is better than pre school. We send children to school early enough as it is in the Uk, why push to get them into a school type environment at age 3?! The very fact that they won’t deal with issues that are very, very normal for kids of that age means that to me they’re not a very appropriate environment.

Some people who go for pre schools criticise nurseries for not doing enough on the education/school prep side, but a good one will. Our nursery is ofsted outstanding and does amazing work to get the kids school ready, my son had zero issues transitioning and had been doing lots of early phonics type stuff with the staff (play based) because he was interested and ready. But, he was also in a nurturing environment where he got hugs and help wiping his little bottom if he still needed!

Yeah I agree with this. DD took to potty training pretty early so I had no concerns on that front but I really didn’t like the idea of my 3 year old wearing a uniform and being in a school setting so young (I completely appreciate the curriculum is still play based but it is a different thing environment) so that was a big factor in keeping her at the nursery she’s attended since she was 1.

She’s starting school in September and I’m pleased we made the choice we did.

Bigchezemakeme · 10/08/2022 18:23

Whatever you do don’t put him back in nappies!!! It’ll cause all sorts of issues as he’ll just think that’s something that can happen.

how old is he?

ShoesCoatandBag · 10/08/2022 18:29

If it’s a preschool attached to an independent school then those rules don’t seem out of the ordinary. (No clue whether they are legal or not but I imagine they must be as they are reasonably standard).

Comefromaway · 10/08/2022 18:35

ShoesCoatandBag · 10/08/2022 18:29

Nope, not legal

x2boys · 10/08/2022 18:37

ShoesCoatandBag · 10/08/2022 18:29

Not legal if they are getting early year funding .

Louise0701 · 10/08/2022 18:39

Missing the point but @Aria2015 potty training at 3 is far from early!

shewhocares · 10/08/2022 18:44

They're not allowed to do that. It's discrimination.

My DS is age 5 and in nappies. His regular pre school couldn't cope and then didn't take him anymore for safety reasons - but it wasn't due to nappies

Flev · 10/08/2022 18:44

We were worried about this as DD wasn't toilet trained until about a month before she moved up to the preschool attached to a private school, who said she needed to be toilet trained to attend. She was previously in their nursery, and they knew how long we'd been trying with her. We asked nursery what would happen if she wasn't toilet trained in time - did she stay in nursery for an extra term? They reassured us that it would be absolutely fine, and that statement was there to make sure people were trying so they didn't end up with loads of children still not toilet trained. It may be worth you having a similar conversation with your future preschool.

SlurpSlooChortle · 23/08/2022 16:28

Hi OP how are you getting on? We have turned a corner in our house and feeling much more hopeful now. We've had no accidents for days now and wees and poos on the loo and pants with no nappies at all.

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