Please can I ask your advice on this very sensitive issue

[NewLookDress]

I have been here for donkey's years but given the nature of this post, felt it best to change usernames.
Long story short, my daughter (early 20s but slightly vulnerable) is currently visiting her boyfriend abroad. They have been in a long- distance relationship for several years now. I have my concerns about the relationship - some red flags which I have discussed calmly and openly with my daughter - but they're in love, and for the most part anyway, it's going ok. They have a very intense relationship.

Anyway, the other day I received a fairly strange message from him (I am fluent in his language), saying that my daughter was hiding the truth about something, that she had been raped when she was 17. Obviously I phoned her straightaway to gently try and get to the bottom of this. In the background, I could hear him say to her 'tell her the truth' in his language. I honestly think he considered himself some sort of saviour for breaking the silence
My daughter admitted to me that it had happened, but didn't want to go into details on the phone. She said that she had made her own peace with it, and had resolved it in her own head. I didn't know if opening an old wound was going to make things worse for her, and because I wasn't there to hug her, I agreed to let it drop and talk about it when she gets home.
Her boyfriend was in shock but apparently said some arsehole things to her (he sometimes drinks too much, which doesn't help) such as he thought he was the one who took her virginity, and did it really actually happen, or was she just saying it for attention. So she had this to deal with, as well as the fact that he'd told her secret to me.
I messaged him and told him that it was not his place to tell me, that I was incredibly upset but could do nothing to help her from here, that telling me was a breach of her trust and privacy (as she must have had her reasons, I guess). And finally that if he was going to keep drinking and not support her in the face of this revelation, that it would be best if she came home.

So there is a lot to this mess, but my main question is, how do I best support her when she gets back home? I just KNOW that she is going to downplay what happened when she was 17, and won't want to talk about it. I told her that she might think she has processed it, but has only suppressed it, and it's best to deal with it in case it bites her on the bum one day. I know that she will refuse to go to the police, and that is absolutely her choice. I will respect her decision and support her no matter what.

But how far do I mention the rape? Do I delve? Do I leave it? Is it enough to say that I am here for her always, to support quietly or talk about it? Or is that too hands-off?
I am a single parent and I know with absolute certainty that she won't want to tell her father. Or probably anyone else. But that means that I need help from you wonderful lot

This is a first from me. I don't know how best to handle it. I am devastated that this should happen to my amazing girl. I am so disappointed in her boyfriend's reaction, but I hope that what was initially misplaced anger, has now settled into something more nurturing. I think this will be the case.
She and I are so close. We have a wonderful relationship. And although this isn't about me, I'm now doubting myself and thinking that I must be a shit mum as she never told me. I keep thinking back, but don't remember any major changes in her behaviour at that time.
Please help.

I think it's a minefield and from the outside I would suggest focusing on what your daughter wants.

let her know she CAN speak to you if she wants but you WILL NOT be pressuring her to do so. Then carry on as normal and pamper her as she's come home from a not so nice time.

let her know she can come home, always, and you will be there to pick up any pieces, and that you love her.

And I would say that's the approach and if and when she comes to you to just be there.

I wouldn't start asking about it, but letting her know you are open anytime she is ready, because if you try to ask she may see it as being pried into and that's the last thing she will want right now because it's a further violation. I think feeling violated is the one thing that you need to avoid, and create the opposite of that, which is hands off and open.

I sold hug her and tell her you are always here for her to talk to and can help arrange a counsellor if she would like one.

I would ask her how she feels about her boyfriends reaction., does she feei supported by him? Not to criticise but to let her talk about it in confidence - she might realise now he is not a good egg as she talks it out. I

Just wait patiently until she is home and willing to talk about what happened to her.

I'm far from convinced this story is quite right, and the clue, is the weird behaviours of her BF.

His primary concern seems to be that he wasn't her first/ she wasn't a virgin; his main reaction seems to be oddly controlling abusive and coercive rather than kind and supportive. More like some kind of punishment or revenge, as if he weaponised her sexual past then turned it on you for maximum collateral damage.

 I am wondering if what actually happened was that DD let slip she'd had a previous  sex partner, and BF's  jealous  fury  was so off the wall   that for her own protection  and safety  she's had to  call it rape. 

When she comes home, don't let him be there when you finally get to talk to her about this.

As other PPS have said, let your daughter come to you, and I say this as an autistic adult.

Thank you all so very much. I've taken all points (excellently made!) on board, and now feel a bit more ready and confident for the road ahead.
I am going to leave this thread now, as I don't think there's much left to say. I've taken what I need from it. And many thanks once again.

@NewLookDress good luck to both of you, wishing you both all the best and hope healing and moving on goes as smoothly as it can. X