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Original poster

Would you expect an 8 year old to do these things without help?

88 replies

OhImVisiblyOver25 · 09/08/2022 09:57

Brush teeth properly
Shower
Wash shoulder length hair
Tie shoe laces
Do and undo top button on a shirt
Sit properly on a chair at the dinner table

OP posts:
QueenCamilla · 09/08/2022 10:47

Oh, I had exactly the same question on my mind! I really, really thought that by the time my boy is 8 I'll be able to order him into the shower and wait for him to emerge all soft, fragrant and fluffy...

As it is, it seems I'm speaking Chinese with all the instructions and it's actually frustratingly infuriating watching him shower so haplessly. I have threatened to still be there on the edge of the bath when he's 16 if he doesn't start absorbing the basics NOW! 😁

He's fine with buttons now but I did lose my sanity in the process.

I've sort of accepted his fine motor skills are not the best - including handwriting, paper cutting, etc

He's academically very bright but give us shoelaces and we are back to toddler-hood...

MissGlitterSparkles · 09/08/2022 10:54

My just turned 9 year old:

Brush teeth properly - yes (but I still supervise)
Shower - yes
Wash shoulder length hair - shoulder length, yes. DD has bum length hair so still needs help rinsing

Tie shoe laces - DD can tie laces, but not very well. She has mainly velcro shoes though so doesnt get the opportunity to practise much

Do and undo top button on a shirt - yes

Sit properly on a chair at the dinner table - yes

ldontWanna · 09/08/2022 10:56

OhImVisiblyOver25 · 09/08/2022 10:32

Thank you.

Mine is just turned 8 and these things are a daily battle for us and I’ve had enough. I know she’s old enough to do them properly.

How do you know?

liveforsummer · 09/08/2022 11:01

Teeth she needs prompting and often sent back - always in too much of a hurry

Showers herself but again sometimes rushes and gets sent back

Needs a hand with hair often - very curly and gets tangled

She laces can do but not very well so they come undone a lot

Top button - depends on the shirt, some are trickier than others but fine motor skills aren't her strongest point, see also shoe laces

Can sit properly at table but is hypermobile so it can get tiring and she will slouch or wriggle

She's 9 - like everything there are some things she's very good at and above age expectations and some things she finds harder. It's very individual and you can't really just say oh she's X age she should be doing that

ladydimitrescu · 09/08/2022 11:10

Yes apart from shoe laces - they can be tricky

PinkyU · 09/08/2022 11:15

If they are a “daily battle”, then she still needs (or likes) help with them.

Op she is 8, I’ve had t shirts longer than she’s been alive, she’s little and learning give her a break.

Kim82 · 09/08/2022 11:16

My just turned 8yo dd can do all on the list. Whether she does them regularly without constant nagging is a different conversation altogether!

Trumpton · 09/08/2022 11:18

I made my dgs laugh when he came out of the shower still grubby .
I said “first time alone “
“second time I will watch” ( ewww nana!)
“the third time I will wash “ ( eww naaaanaaa ! ) and he scurried off to do it properly

titchy · 09/08/2022 11:20

OhImVisiblyOver25 · 09/08/2022 10:32

Thank you.

Mine is just turned 8 and these things are a daily battle for us and I’ve had enough. I know she’s old enough to do them properly.

Surely the responses here have just told you that yes quite a lot still need help or cajoling to do all of those things.

You've been rather selective in your reading if you think you're being reasonable poor kid, esp at only just 8. Sad

Tigerstigers · 09/08/2022 11:22

All apart from the hair washing. She used baby oil by accident on her solo attempt 🥴. She usually gets up and showers herself most mornings unprompted, and will have a bath with her younger sibling most evenings. She loves being independent after a gentle nudge, as she is quite nervous about new things, so we try and encourage independence. It really gives her confidence and boosts her self esteem to do little things by herself.

VariationsonaTheme · 09/08/2022 11:24

Brush teeth properly - yes

Shower- yes

Wash shoulder length hair - needed help with making sure it was rinsed properly until 10

Tie shoe laces - one could, one couldn’t

Do and undo top button on a shirt - yes

Sit properly on a chair at the dinner table - one could, one has proprioceptive difficulties and still can fall off at 14!

InvincibleInvisibility · 09/08/2022 11:24

My 8 year old has ADHD and dyspraxia.

He can do everything on the list (if he had long hair I would supervise to make sure it was completely rinsed).

He sits properly at the dinner table but will often need to get up and dance/do some cartwheels mid meal. However he sits perfectly in restaurants (we make him run beforehand).

My 11 year old also has ADHD and dyspraxia. He still can't do laces (though has never been interested in learning - my 8 year old sat and practiced until he could do it).

The 11 year old can do everything on the list although does have a tendency to slide down on his chair or slide off sideways....

Sellorkeep · 09/08/2022 11:25

Based on DSD9 …

Brush teeth properly - sort of. Sometimes has to be reminded to actually move the toothbrush when it’s in her mouth!

Shower - yes

Wash shoulder length hair - yes but occasionally it’s not well rinsed. Still likes an offer to help her wash it.

Tie shoe laces - not sure

Do and undo top button on a shirt - not relevant

Sit properly on a chair at the dinner table - quite slouchy relative to other kids her age - has to be reminded, especially if she’s not excited about what’s for dinner!

CaffiSaliMali · 09/08/2022 11:26

I'm dyspraxic and couldn't do any of that at 8, bar clean my teeth.

smileandsing · 09/08/2022 11:26

Yes, though that was about the age DS learnt to tie his laces so occasionally needed them done up again after they came loose

Tigerstigers · 09/08/2022 11:27

Having said that, they do develop independent skills at different ages, and forcing a child to do something they aren't ready for will only add long-term resistance to the situation., So I'd be gentle in your approach and not "nag" as they will then see it as a chore. My dd does like input to check she's doing stuff right, and after showing her how to use the shower, not to touch temp dials etc, and asking her if she'd like to try and do it herself, she liked the challenge. Same with the other things, more of a "I can show you how to do this, and then would you like to try and do it yourself?" Putting the control in her hands, really seems to work with her. Dd2 is much more independent and I have to stop her trying to do stuff she really isn't ready to do alone... She tried to make a cup of tea at the age of 3, and I only knew when I heard the kettle boiling! She'd got the cup, teabag, and milk ready, and was patiently sat in the worktop looking proud as punch as the kettle boiled! They're all so very individual

smileandsing · 09/08/2022 11:28

But remember it's not a competition, every child is different. A bit like when babies learn to crawl/walk/talk etc. there's no exact age to have mastered these things. You do need to teach and encourage though, they can't learn otherwise

toptomatoes · 09/08/2022 11:29

DD is 9 and can do most. She needs help with washing (long, thick, wavy) hair and reminders for sitting nicely. I’m not sure about the button as she hasn’t really had to do that.

winepleasenotwhine · 09/08/2022 11:29

OP, if your child is struggling to do these things, perhaps they need extra help and/or have extra needs. I spent a looong time getting frustrated over my DC1's inability to do just such stuff. At 12 he was finally diagnosed, and the assessments showed where he really struggles. He'd been masking it well but because of his masking almost everyone put it down to bad behaviour, when it's really not. I don't mean to imply I know anything at all about your child, just suggesting that sometimes things are deeper than they seem.

Popfan · 09/08/2022 11:32

At 8 my DS couldn't do the majority of those things. He's now 14 and unsurprisingly can do all of them! Can't remember when it happened, shoe laces took ages but I helped him when he needed it
Help your 8 year old OP, it's still so young and they will get there in their own time.

MugginsOverEre · 09/08/2022 11:33

Shoes and clothes from 6. Long hair washing is the same though I popped in to help rinse sometimes because it's waist length. Teeth brushing was taught in detail from very young and they've been doing it well for years. From at least 7. Ages 15, 12 and 10, eat sweets like they all work at Wonka's factory but still have lovely teeth.

pennysarah · 09/08/2022 11:34

Nope, either can't do or would need constant reminders/prompts/instruction. I'm not too bothered now I've accepted this- it will come with time - not everyone matures and learns skills at the same time. It's stressful for everyone to keep pushing it all the time. Mine have ADHD and some coordination and sensory issues which is the reason it's taking longer than average.

MyBrilliantFriend · 09/08/2022 11:35

Yes apart from a bit of help with rinsing hair properly.

We had to do a concerted teach of the skills like shoe laces though, it didn’t happen organically. We did that when they were around 6 and made sure they had shoes with laces so they were practising regularly just after learning.

Soorude · 09/08/2022 11:35

I think a typically developing 8 year old is still likely to need a fair amount of supervision and prompting around them.

choppedtomatoes · 09/08/2022 11:57

My daughter is same age. She does most on your list apart from shoelaces as she hasn't any shoes with laces atm.
Top button, can on a polo shirt but struggles on school shirt. Will give it a try but they can be stiff. Asks me to check her hair that it's all rinsed out.

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