To call the bank / (a solicitor even?)

[54isanopendoor]

My Mother died in May. Just before, she gave me the paperwork for 2 bank accounts she'd opened for my children (I'd had to sign when she set them up). She said 'there is a few hundred in there for each of them, keep them going or close them as you wish'. My Ds will be 18 next month, my Dd is 15. Both Autistic.

My SIL texted me 2 weeks after the death to say she had closed them herself & was 'posting the cheque'. It never arrived. Then she said she would send them 'with your Mum's death cert & some of her ashes'. I live far away. 1 month ago I contacted SIL to say a friend is visiting me & could safely transport the things to me then. Message yesterday: "When I think J is ready to open your Mums ashes I will approach him. I will send it all up together I will let YOU know when that is".
J is my very elderly Dad. He & my Brother are totally under SIL control it seems.

I am tempted to reply something short & anglo saxon. But that wont help.
Can I contact the bank & report that she has not passed on the money & ask them to send me fresh cheques or, will I need the Death Cert / have to trek 350m in person if I do this? I could wait, but I am really annoyed (no doubt her aim!)

'A solicitor' is a foolish idea for a few hundred pounds I realise.
But, there is no end to her nastiness and I am angry.

Ohh. Didnt' realise there was Voting (not familiar with AIBU but posted for traffic as I want to get this 'out of my head' this morning)

Bit I didn't mention (drip feed? if so sorry) is that I also feel I 'need' the Death cert as I've been referred for genetic counselling by my GP (re my mothers illness) so I could do with proper / medical paperwork possibly & SIL is aware & just seems to be being as unhelpful as possible. There's a long backstory of nastiness so no point 'appealing to her better nature' as she doesn't have one it would appear.

You can apply for a copy of the death certificates through your mothers local council. I would go and speak to the bank too was there a solicitor involved? Who is the executor of your mum's will?

thanks for replying @seashellsontheshore
My Mother didn't leave a will. Dad is elderly & confused. My brother is spineless.
SIL is very controlling. She has already stated that all of Dad's estate will go to my Brother (its complicated as there is a question mark over whether Dad is biologically my Dad or not but I was brought up as his) but I didn't expect this level of pettiness about kids bank accounts & medical details etc (they are 'retaining these are they are 'sueing the NHS for her poor care' according to Dad)

I’m so sorry about your mum.

I have no idea what’s best to do about the cheques. It’s really hard to deal with people like that. I wish I had something to offer there. But you should be able to easily order your own copy of the death certificate. You don’t need to be held hostage by SiL:
www.gov.uk/order-copy-birth-death-marriage-certificate

How was she even able to close the accounts if she's not the executor? Yes I would ask the bank how a random person can go around closing accounts.

@54isanopendoor Sorry was rushing and typing at the same time. I'm sorry too about your mum.

It looks like you will need to speak to a solicitor. Check your home insurance has legal cover hopefully you might be able to get a couple of hours of free information.

May I gently ask how much you visited your mum and how much you help with care for your dad. I only ask because we are in a situation with both SILs where dh provides all care and as far as I am concerned they have forfeited their rights vis a vis decision making. However dh would follow mils instructions to the letter but I feel there may be two sides to this.

I’m so sorry you’ve lost your Mum. It’s a deeply saddening event and any death often attracts family issues.

What right did your SIL have to close the children’s accounts? Is she a named executor in the will? This is a pertinent question for her and the bank to find out why she was allowed access to those accounts.

From your health perspective, I believe your local Registra’s office can provide you with a “certified copy” of the death certificate. Give them a ring to enquire.

Emotions run high after a bereavement so small calm steps towards resolving these issues will help. One day at a time.

She got the brother to do it, I'd guess. For even quite large amounts of money, banks will simply hand over to a relative, I think. (There is some sort of upper limit above which legal processes will be required.)

What a disgusting woman.

surely she can’t close these bank accounts? Was she next of kin?

you should definitely call the bank and explain what has happened and see what they say

also do not let this woman take your fathers estate

I’m afraid now is the time to get tough with her!!

My experience is that banks had no problem handing my father's money to my his wife, mother, when he died. She didn't need to prove anything other than he was dead and she was his wife. I'm guessing they might do similar for a son.

@MercuryOnTheRise '2 sides' to my SIL keeping money that my Mother had banked for my children? I think you may be projecting your own situation.

As it happens my Mother died a horrible death with my Brother & SIL failing to arrange even basic care for her. I live in another country & did more to help via her GP/Hospital than they did. Not that that has any relevance to this.

If the issue is “a few hundred pounds” it’s probably best to write it off, if your sister handled all the formalities there would have been expenses, if she was executor there certainly would have been.
Its always difficult when you live far away to be sure that everything was handled correctly but very little can be done, especially if the others are being obstructive in any way.

I really don't understand how your SIL could access bank accounts in your children's names. Are you sure she's being truthful? Have you tried contacting the bank?

The death cert only shied factual information about the deceased - eg their name, dob, date of death, and cause if death. There is nothing in there that will help you with genetic testing.

Medical paperwork after death should only be released to the appropriate person - in this case, your dad, or whoever dealt with your mum's estate.

Re the bank accounts, I'd be trekking 350 miles to pay a visit to everyone and figure out where everything is at. It sounds like things are going to get pretty nasty anyway if there is a suggestion that you are likely to be disinherited - you should speak to your dad on his own to get more of an idea about this.

As there was no will, letters of administration should have been applied for. This can determine the value of her estate and beneficiaries (I think). It is likely that your dad will inherit under intestacy rules, and if he doesn't leave a will it will go to you and your brother. I have no idea what would happen in the event of a query over your paternity, but if it has been assumed that you are his daughter for decades then I would hazard a guess that this would have a huge influence.

Your sil cannot just decide you are not to receive anything because you might not be blood related - his name is on your BC (?), you have lived as father/daughter all your life.

For the people asking how she closed the accounts, if they were in the OPs mums name then it would be very easy. I am in the process of doing this for a family member as their spouse is not up to it, and all I need is their death certificate.

Sorry for your loss .
As there was no Will, and therefore no executor, someone would have had to declare themselves next of kin to sort out bank accounts etc. Or been given permission by the next of kin to do so. I presume the children’s accounts were either in their name or were ‘joint’ accounts with your mothers name and their name? Either way there’s no way your SIL should have been able to do anything with them. When someone dies intestate then a joint account is passed to the other named person on the account - as on your case they are children, you probably would have to contact the bank and advocate for them. If they are just in the children’s name, then there’s no way SIL should have been able to close them.

Contact the bank in the first instance, because if they haven’t followed procedure here, they will have to sort it out for you. If she really has closed them, is there a possibility she lied about who she was?.

Hi,
Again re your sister in law deciding your brother will get everything in future. If you were born within a marriage of your mum and dad you are assumed to be his child. If there is no will, and no spouce, his estate should be split between his children.

Yes but OP said she had to sign for the account when it was set up, she would only have had to do that if the children’s names were on the account - so presumably they were either in their names or in joint names of them and her DM. If the latter then they would have to go to the bank, prove their ID (and have OP prove hers too as they are ‘childrens’ accounts’) and they would arrange for them to do whatever they wanted with the money.
My DF died recently, intestate, he had an ac he’d set up for my niece that had his and her name on. I couldn’t close it and send her the money, I had to send her all of the details and she had to go to the bank to sort ironist as a ‘joint’ account it became hers after his death.

"When I think J is ready to open your Mums ashes I will approach him. I will send it all up together I will let YOU know when that is".
J is my very elderly Dad. He & my Brother are totally under SIL control it seems.

"Hi SiL - I'm puzzled by your response, as all I am asking is that you respect my mother's wishes & send the things on. It's not up to you to hold back from that - can you explain why you are being so deliberately unhelpful?"

Also OP, anyone acting as the de facto executor when there is no Will is supposed to distribute any money to the beneficiaries as expeditiously as possible - not hold on to it until it suits them.

I'm not prepared to 'write it off' no. My Mother told my Autistic son about 'his money' when we visited her just before she died. She told him to get 'the things he needs for College' with it. He has taken this literally & has asked about it (obvs I'll get him what he needs meantime & explain to him the situation)
But my Mum squirrelled that £ away for years & meant it for my kids.

AFAIK the accounts were in their name but under an 'umbrella account' in my Mum's name, like I opened accounts for them with my bank too. So I guess they had to be closed as she was deceased. But I did think SIL would send on the money. After the 'lost in the post' she asked for the kids bank account details so she could pay it direct but then didn't as 'no branch locally' (a Scottish bank tbf)

My Dad is NOT on my birth cert (whole other story) so yes it's contentious. Another thread entirely. But I am stunned at the level of pettiness re SIL.
(she pointedly refers to him as 'Xchristian name' not 'your Dad'.
She is 'Master of the Family' it seems...

Yes, I can pay to get a copy of the Death Cert. No it wont' help much with the genetic counselling appt (though some medical records might though & they clearly have access to them for their 'day in court' money making scheme which particularly sticks in my throat as they provided so little care for her. They're vile.

Did your DM keep the accounts in her name and just tell you informally that the money was your DCs'? In that case, unfortunately, legally the accounts and the money therein belonged to your Mum.

If they are in your DCs' names I would speak to the bank about the accounts being closed without the permission of either the DC or a parent of the DC. As one DC is over 16, he should be dealing with it himself, unless you have PoA for him.

I would be inclined to consult a solicitor about your SIL's right to just take over dealing with the money. Surely it belongs to your dad? Does your SIL have PoA for him?

If it is your Dad's name on your birth certificate, then legally he is your dad, whatever may be 'suspected'.

Oops. Cross posted about birth certificate!