To be pissed off and furious?

[HerRoyalHappiness]

This is going to be long so bare with me.

I brought in a feral cat. (Black cat) He was blind in one eye and needed surgery on the other (which he's not long had and has had his stitches out yesterday) I already had two cats. (Ginger cat and tuxedo cat)
Tuxedo cat took a dislike to black cat. They didn't get on at all.
My ex had asked to take tuxedo with him when he first left so I gave tuxedo to ex, but I was still providing food and litter for him as ex claimed he couldn't
afford to. I told him that unless he paid he was still my cat. He agreed and everything went well.

At first.

Ex then bought snek. The snake. And since buying snek has lost all interest in tuxedo.
I went round yesterday to check on things as DS1 had told me that they were bad.

Tuxedos wet food had gone dry and crusty, his dry food had swollen with damp, his water dispenser was black with mould and slime. His litter had 6 poos in it and stank to high heaven.

I told ex that the cat was coming home to me and I'd deal with reintroduction. I gave him the night to say his good byes.

Tuxedo came home yesterday (monday). When I sent him I put a puppy pad inside the carrier in case he peed or anything on his way. He came back with the same puppy pad in the carrier, covered in stale urine and mould. The carrier reeked. Everything, including the cat bed needed washing and disinfecting. He's now holed up in my bedroom until we can sort a decent screen door out to separate the living room and kitchen (tuxedo can open regular doors).

He's nervous and flinching. He didn't even jump up on my bed like he used to.

I called him up and he jumped up and led down the bottom of the bed. So I stroked him and he turned around then fell asleep with me holding his paw.

My poor kitten. Had ex just told me he couldn't cope with both pets I'd have taken tuxedo back sooner and brought him home. But he lied to me and told me that he was fine.

Tuxedos lost 3lb in weight. I have him booked in for a vet check on friday to make sure he's OK and there is no underlying condition causing the weight loss.

But I'm so so angry. At myself too for believing ex would take care of him. I feel so guilty for letting him go there. I really thought ex would look after him. But since he got snek he's become uninterested and according to my DC, throws things at tuxedo to keep him away from sneks vivarium. No wonder the poor thing is flinching when we lift our hands. Ex will of course deny this because God forbid he take any responsibility for his actions.
And despite not paying tuxedo any attention he told the DC today that "Mummy stole my cat"
Luckily the DC are just glad to have tuxedo back with us and paid no attention to their dad's rambling.

So now I'm working on getting tuxedo settled again. I'm not even thinking about reintroduction until he's happy and settled and realises we won't hurt him.

AIBU to be so pissed off at him or should I be more pissed off at myself for trusting that he'd take care of a defenceless animal?

Of course YANBU, although I would Considered reporting your ex to the RSPCA because if you let one animal Live in that state, what’s stopping him in allowing another?

*if HE let…

Report to the rspca, as i am seriously worried that snek isn't going to be getting the care he needs, i have 11 snakes myself, and they rely on you for absolutely everything.

I am very angry that anyone would treat an animal that way. What an utter piece of crap he is. I would tell my kids that he was badly neglecting the cat and he is lucky that you haven’t reported him to RSPCA. I’d like to punch the idiot in the face! 😡

What an arsehole and yes I'd be worried about snek because what happens to that when he gets bored and has something else new and shiny to play with, snek starves to death/dies of thirst most likely!

Fingers x tuxedo settles back in, have you got Feliway diffusers and all the usual shiz, more litter trays than cats, huge litter trays, multiple water bowls and choice resting positions?

Poor tuxedo cat. Fucking horrible ex.

That is all. I'm glad he's back safe with you. 😻

Fucking hell, I'm furious reading how poor Tuxedo has been treated, and I don't even like cats.
Bless him.
I'd be reporting ex to RSPCA. How fucking dare he?
Your cat has lost 3lb since living with him, I'd assume that's severe neglect? What % of body weight is that to a cat? That sounds a huge amount.

Poor tuxedo. Glad you got him home.

Are your kids age with this man? What a fucking loser.

poor tuxedo. And without minimising what your ex has done to him (agree, really bad) I think you were wrong in the first place to bring a feral cat into his home and upset him, cats bond with their home environment not just people and don’t cope easily with any change.

And yet my cat has lived happily in four houses. Each move, I have realised I internalised these sort of comments and became quite stressed but my cat has learnt her new surroundings and settled in quickly. 2 days in a room, 3/ 4 days in the house then door open.

I can see why he’s an ex. Good for you for getting rid of such a loser. I’m sure over time your cat will be ok. Yes I worry for the snake too.

Thank you all.
He's making out I'm some sort of evil witch for pulling him on how he's been treating tuxedo.
I will be reporting to RSPCA today as I too am worried about snek, but with 3 cats and a pet mouse plus 3 kids it's just not feasible to bring snek here unfortunately.
I know cats bond with their home environment too. Which is why he's in my room for now, making it his safe space. None of the other cats have been in my room since he left so it doesn't smell of them as much

I've had my morning snuggles with him sat on my stomach and he seems much happier this morning.

As for if my kids are safe, they can speak up if he mistreats, them poor tuxedo can't.
and my 13 yo goes round to ensure he's being good to the DC
That's the only reason be goes round. He despises his dad. But the kids are always fed, medication given if needed and they're happy enough sat on screens fir the day so that they don't bug their dad. Not the best to let them play on screens all day, but not abuse to do so either

Poor tuxedo. Glad he's home. Sounds like the ex probably only took him out of spite at having to leave, as if trying to hurt you.

I would definitely look to reporting to the RSPCA. Poor snek.

So a pretty poor DF and not a good pet owner . I can see why he's an ex

Horrible, you're definitely doing the right thing by reporting him and I hope snek gets a good home away from him.

This ☝️

I was still providing food and litter for him as ex claimed he couldn't
afford to. I wouldn't have let the cat go in the first place. I can see why you did though so don't beat yourself up over it. I too am concerned about the snake now.

@HerRoyalHappiness

of course he's an absolute wanker to treat Tux like that, but really, what did you expect? You know he neglects the kids & can't look after himself let alone kids & pets.

You'd have been better off to contact cats protection or similar to get the feral/stray cat help & homed, it was unfair on Tx & the others to bring yet another cat into the mix

Be thankful all he's doing is whinging to the kids about you taking Tux back, not actually stopping you.

did you take photos of Tux when you got him back so he can't claim he was looking after him??

see how things go, but you might need to look at rehoming the new one. Sad I know, but Tux was there first & has been through a traumatic time.

I hope The snake is rehomed & dickhead isn't allowed to keep pets.

kids wouldn't be going either, even if it meant being taken to court again.

look after yourself, I know things aren't easy for you 💐

In what world would you be being unreasonable?

@WinterMusings I expected him to treat the cat well considering he was the one who bought the cat in the first place, and then asked for him when he left.
And he did treat him well. At first. It was only when he got snek that he began neglecting tux.

I've no reason as yet to stop contact between him and the kids. As I said, he isn't abusive towards them. But as soon as he does cross the line from a bit shit would rather ignore them to being unable to deal with them and causing them harm then I'll stop contact. So far he hasn't harmed the DC. I'm giving him enough rope to hang himself. If I stop contact now the courts will see me as trying to alienate the kids. So I have to wait until he actually does something wrong. As i said, letting them play screens all day every time he has them isnt great parenting but its also not abusive.

I too hope snek is rehomed to someone who will take proper care of her and that he's banned from having pets. He clearly can't cope with them.

Also, I feel guilty enough as it is for letting him go, I don't need telling that I was stupid and foolish to believe he'd care for the cat. Trust me
And as I struggle with severe MH problems then believe me I don't need it drilling in. My own mind does that for me.

I don’t even like cats and my heart hurt reading this. Poor little thing. Of course you’re not being unreasonable to be pissed off with your ex and I’d be a bit worried about how he looks after his kids and that snake too if I were you.

Tuxedo should have been the priority not feral cat but that’s in the past now. I only hope for his sake that you can safely reintroduce him.

You need to report this to the RSPCA. How much of his body weight is 3lb? Does he need to be on a special diet to get his weight back up? How long did he have him?

Well done for getting him back you did the right thing.

Yabu to use the word snek. Your ex is a dickhead and by the sound of it shouldn’t be keeping any pets, what’s gonna happen when he loses interest in the poor ‘snek’?

The reason I kept feral is because he was blind in one eye and needed significant vet care for infections and vestibular disease that I was concerned no one else would take him on. Especially with him being a black cat. I was actually concerned at one point that we might lose him.
He's now healthy and happy and loves being pampered. He's never aggressive and adores the DC, choosing to lie on their lapswhenever he gets the opportunity.

Tux losing 3lb means he's now 8lb, so not underweight and scrawny. Just not as big as he was and how I think he should be. He was always naturally larger. Vets is booked for Friday to give him a thorough check up.

RSPCA branch here opens at 11 so I'll be phoning then.

I'm sure this time introductions will go better as he's now coming into another cats territory, rather than another cat coming into his territory. They sniffed each other through the cat carrier while I was scrubbing and disinfecting food dishes and there were no signs of aggression from any of the cats, not even angry tail whipping. So I'm confident it will work this time.
Tux is happily playing with a sausage catnip toy at the minute. He's settling back in nicely, but I know it will take time and patience to get them all reintroduced to each other.