Weird Neighbours interfering in everything that happens here

[User57327259]

I moved house about a year ago. It all seemed fine at first even friendly. I got a new kitchen and all hell broke loose! The fitters were booked for 3 days. All the cabinets had been delivered a few days earlier. The old cabinets were taken out and put out of sight. The second morning a neighbour came to speak to me about having the old cabinets moved. The job was not complete yet so until all the waste was ready to be uplifted the items were out of sight. The fitters were walking about but none of t he neighbours spoke to them. On the last day I was going out and another neighbour (male) spoke to me very nastily and even threatened what would be done with the waste. I was nervous enough as I was heading to an hospital appointment. I told him not to threaten me. 2 days after that the wife of the male spoke to me about speaking back to her husband. She can not see that a threatening male is not to be tolerated these days. She did not apologise for his behaviour. He is a weird person who thinks he has the right to decide who parks where etc. He is also seen creeping around after dark. He checks on the bins a lot. Just weird behaviour in my opinion. I will not tolerate any abusive men. The other woman seems to either do the bidding of this man and wife or perhaps she is just as weird.

Currently they are blocking the car park to ensure that certain cars can only park in certain places. The weird man has even measured the width of each parking space.
I have no idea what to do about all this. I thought I had moved to a nice area but this conduct really upsets me as it is just so weird. Weirdness is so difficult to understand. What is achieved by making people have to park further along or creeping about in the dark?
I think I have landed in a place which seems to be inhabited by older people even though it is not age specific buildings. There are no children here. Residents are over 70. There was one younger resident in her 20s but she moved away sunddenly. The houses are mostly 2 bedrooms and some 3 bedrooms. It is strange to have about 70 houses and not one with any children.
It is creeping me out the conduct that goes on here. A lot of houses have changed occupants recently.
AIBU to think this is very strange

Clearly your neighbour is well out of order with his snooping but not clear about threatening. A bit vague.

The age/long-settled nature of others can lead to narrowing of their world/defendable boundaries as they are more likely to get out and about less. They can then get overly focussed on what's going on in their street.

My street is predominantly retired people, whose ranks I have joined, though most recent newbies are younger couples with children. My point is that neighbourhoods change aspects of their character over time. My god, does the street know what's going on? I should cocoa. When the council sent round staff to photograph a house for re-designation purposes, the neighbours were on it and told the owners straight away, so, nosiness to good purpose.

If the car park is being blocked, there must be someone who owns it who could be informed.

AIBU to think this is very strange

No, weirdos abound everywhere, you just happen to have got a few mixed in with your new neighbourhood.

I applaud your non-nonsense approach about not tolerating abusive men - but seriously, your best bet here is to disengage. I don't mean pander to him - eg if he blocks you from the car park & it's an obstacle you can unblock, do so & park where you wish. But read up on Grey Rock & practice it.

If something similar to your kitchen cabinets episode reoccurs - Grey Rock. "Nothing for you to worry about, the disposal is all under control."
If he persists - Broken Record Technique -
"as I said, it's all under control, nothing for you to worry about."
"it's all under control, so thanks for your input but I don't need help"

In short, talk to him as if you are assuming he is being helpful (it will piss him off no end) & do not let him get to you. Remaining brisk & courteous will also piss him off - this type usually wants to either see you kowtowing, or to wind you up until you explode, so they can blame you for the explosion.

I have taken up the "Grey Rock" treatment. I do not let on that I see anything going on at all.
As much as I will not tolerate abusive men, I am not prepared to tolerate abusive women either. I don't know if the "flying monkeys" his wife and the other neighbour, are under his control or if they share his views. Either way I am not going to assist in their support of his behaviour. If these women are under his control they are to be pitied. Imagine living with a bully like that 24/7!
What he threatened to do was pile up the old cabinets against my door so that I was unable to get in or out my house. I suspect that this was the first time he was met with opposition. I think the single women here outnumber the couples and single men.
Thanks for the replies and useful information.

What he threatened to do was pile up the old cabinets against my door so that I was unable to get in or out my house.

I hope you laughed in his face OP.
I'd have told him to knock himself out, & have fun when the police arrive to release me & take him in for questioning.
What a tedious little man. You might have a lot of fun alternating the Grey Rock with amused & condescending glances & comments ...

I would get a ring doorbell and (legally) record him snooping on your bins and around at night. I would then let both of them know that they are not the world police and you have this behaviour recorded and will go to the police and report them for harrassment and intimidation.

I'm so sorry OP. If you haven't already I'd recommend CCTV and/or a ring doorbell.

Do not give this man an inch and do not hesitate to involve the police.

Were the cabinets on your garden or on the street in public space?

If they were in your garden then he had no right to do anything, if they were on public space then even though it may not have been your intent you were fly tipping and I can see why he might have disapproved. Threatening is obviously not acceptable though.

But where were the cabinets put? Were they in your garden or on public/communal property?

YANBU to be annoyed with this man. He’s out of order. YABU to assume all the other neighbours are the same just because they are old. Try making friends with some of the single women, you might find that you have some allies.

We do not have private gardens, we have communal gardens. The cabinets had been flattened, no small pieces laying around, neat pile out of general sight until all old cabinets were all out and then one trip for the dump. There was no intention to leave anything laying only intention was to make one trip for waste to go to the dump. I don't think anyone would do a dump run for every single piece of cabinet.
I have CCTV installed now and will get a Ring doorbell asap. Got Dash cam. Going full security now.
I think the desperation of appearing on my doorstep before the job was anywhere near completion was so over the top. Then 3 different people complaining to me over the few days of work. I thought it was all excessive and neurotic.

I don't think OP should be calling everyonw else weird....and there's every chance her waste was in a dangerous place and he was just saying so.

Your neighbours have been out of order in harassing/threatening you, but given that the old cabinets have been left on communal ground you should have given them forewarning of the planned work, timescale and let them know that there may be need to temporarily store things out of the way on shared space.

Are you in a retirement complex? Where were the cabinets were they in communal areas? Have folks been parking out with their allocated spaces?

Sorry cross posted ok the waste was left in a communal area. Did you let them know in advance?

I think it's weird. Way too overinvested. Have people like that near me who complained I left kids outdoor toys on my terrace and have 'too many plants'. They dont like the kids using the communal water tap, but we pay for it, so they have taken the tap away. Where the fuck am I supposed to put my plants and toys exactly - they belong outside! Total weirdos. Admittedly they have been on it with any neightbours who have been a nightmare, but when there isn't a problem they actively look for them and blow everything out of proportion.

The renovation waste being left in a communal area kinda changes things IMO.

was the tap on a meter? Was it not costing to have the kids use it. You surely have taps in your house and could put your own outside tap in?

If you’re leaving trash lying out for days in their garden (it’s theirs too), then it’s polite to let them know in advance what’s happening, or to make two trips to the dump so it isn’t left lying in their garden at all. You may need to adjust your expectations of living with a communal garden. No trampolines etc.

Stand firm ,grey rock and a ring doorbell asap. Record everything they do . Communal garden or not unfortunately you won't here the end from people like this. Record it all diary too etc

How long did you leave the waste in the communal garden?

We live in a flat and pay for this as a part of our service charge. They were only filling up a couple of water guns outside. Other people used the water to clean down outdoor equipment, but we are talking pennies here. Nobody was interfering with anyone else. It wasn't free flowing water cascading anywhere or anything like that and ery minimal usage.

The thing is, now we dont have access to the water we can't water the communal plants (the gardener doesn't do this) so they are all dying, which will mean it will cost more to replace them than a few litres of water. Very weird logic.

Communal garden does change things a bit

They sound unpleasant but leaving your old cabinets in a communal area for days isn't very neighbourly either. I can understand why your neighbours would be upset, particularly if you didn't give them a heads up about it.

@User57327259 I’d move if I were you, is that a possibility? Life’s too short, they sound like a nightmare and they are just going to make you hate humanity eventually. They sound very entitled- just get out

They sound unpleasant but leaving your old cabinets in a communal area for days isn't very neighbourly either. I can understand why your neighbours would be upset, particularly if you didn't give them a heads up about it.

I'd agree with this - if I had a communal garden and someone put their rubbish in it, even if it was tidy and out of sight, I would be concerned about a) how long it's going to stay there and b) whether this is the thin end of the wedge. You don't know, they might have had people who've caused a problem before and they're understandably a bit twitchy about it happening again.