Weird Neighbours interfering in everything that happens here

[User57327259]

I moved house about a year ago. It all seemed fine at first even friendly. I got a new kitchen and all hell broke loose! The fitters were booked for 3 days. All the cabinets had been delivered a few days earlier. The old cabinets were taken out and put out of sight. The second morning a neighbour came to speak to me about having the old cabinets moved. The job was not complete yet so until all the waste was ready to be uplifted the items were out of sight. The fitters were walking about but none of t he neighbours spoke to them. On the last day I was going out and another neighbour (male) spoke to me very nastily and even threatened what would be done with the waste. I was nervous enough as I was heading to an hospital appointment. I told him not to threaten me. 2 days after that the wife of the male spoke to me about speaking back to her husband. She can not see that a threatening male is not to be tolerated these days. She did not apologise for his behaviour. He is a weird person who thinks he has the right to decide who parks where etc. He is also seen creeping around after dark. He checks on the bins a lot. Just weird behaviour in my opinion. I will not tolerate any abusive men. The other woman seems to either do the bidding of this man and wife or perhaps she is just as weird.

Currently they are blocking the car park to ensure that certain cars can only park in certain places. The weird man has even measured the width of each parking space.
I have no idea what to do about all this. I thought I had moved to a nice area but this conduct really upsets me as it is just so weird. Weirdness is so difficult to understand. What is achieved by making people have to park further along or creeping about in the dark?
I think I have landed in a place which seems to be inhabited by older people even though it is not age specific buildings. There are no children here. Residents are over 70. There was one younger resident in her 20s but she moved away sunddenly. The houses are mostly 2 bedrooms and some 3 bedrooms. It is strange to have about 70 houses and not one with any children.
It is creeping me out the conduct that goes on here. A lot of houses have changed occupants recently.
AIBU to think this is very strange

Absolutely this.

But I would rung 101 and ask has he been reported before.

He has threatened to barricade you into your home.

Not normal.
Not acceptable.

I think he should be flagged to the police and see what they say.

Well done for not tolerating him.

I have some experience of this as my upstairs neighbour launched a campaign of what can only be described as harassment against me for a long list of entirely trivial things including:

• Trying to get me to pay for an expensive and unnecessary appliance to be installed in her boiler because she found the noise it made "distressing" (even though it was her boiler not mine) and then complaining to environmental health when I refused
• Complaining to the council that I was dumping things in her bins (I wasn't)
• Complaining to the council that I was slamming my front door noisily (it happened once in high wind)
• Complaining to the council because I had a barbecue despite the fact that I notified the adjoining houses beforehand
• Bitching about me on a street chat group

I played nice with her for far too long and tried to accommodate her batshit behaviour. The thing that eventually tipped it was when I messaged her, politely but firmly, and said any further harassment would lead to me contacting the police and seeking legal advice.

Some people are control freaks and have to be controlling other people in their environment to feel "whole". Often this happens when they can't control the people in their immediate family so they seek to exert control on people they come into contact with who they perceive not to be strong enough to stand up for themselves. You have to walk a line between making clear you won't put up with it but without being aggressive or getting upset.

It's probably true that technically you should have warned neighbours that rubbish was going to be left in a communal area. None of this is justification for what happened and its all pretty trivial but it strengthens your hand to make sure you do everything by the book. Don't give them any excuse to say you haven't done things correctly.

And in terms of how you respond to their threats, simple messages that say, politely but assertively, "no I won't be doing this and I won't respond to threats" are basically what you need. And add that you're noting examples of threatening behaviour and will file a report if you need to.

Oh come on!! Actually read the OP and the subsequent, even odder posts and use some critical thinking!

Sounds like OP is paranoid and defensive and her neighbours merely pointed out that she couldn't cover their communal areas in her crap.

Ah so you left it in a communal area! No wonder they were complaining! Really, you should have got rid of the rubbish straight away, or left it inside until you go to the tip.

The old cabinets were left in a place which could not be seen by persons walking or driving past. Once all the old cabinets were out the Council were called to make an uplift. I do not control the Council Refuse Department.
One person was at my door complaining on the second morning, and was told that once everything was out the Council would be phoned and they were. Yet two more people saw fit to have a moan.

This is not a pensioners complex. It makes it all the more strange that there are no children or young adults living here. One female in her 20s did live here but left in under a year. I know of a few people in their 50s but most are retired and for quite a long time from their ages.
This man has measured the parking spaces and found some are wider than others. He should take that up with the builders but they are long gone. The area was built over 25 years ago.
He wants to know the reg no. of any cars belonging to visitor. This is another two sins I committed, I had a courtesy car while mine was in the garage and did not inform anyone. Then I bought a new car and again failed to inform anyone. I have never informed neighbours when I buy a new car. Is this normal procedure for other areas?
I have been through a lot in recent years and maybe Super Pets has a point. I will never allow anyone to bully me ever again.

I have spoken to Police and described the behaviour. Their response was there is one in every street!. That says it all for me. If police understand instantly it has to be a local recurring problem. I have been told by Police if there is any more or I am worried phone 999. More indication that this problem is know about in the Police.
Someone mentioned about moving away from all of this. While I do not see why I should be pushed out of my new house I am also of the opinion that life is too short to put up with all this rubbish. I got out of one abusive situation and even though I see it as wrong for a neighbour to be acting dictator I do not want to live with this level of demand.
It has also been clear that this man can only pick on woman. He had nothing to say to couples or those who use the area for parking without paying for parking in the town centre

Ring 101 when needed as suggested. Coercive control seems a possibility which is now a criminal matter.

But they were in a communal area?

She threatening to trap her in her house is normal neighbourly stuff?

Is your home leasehold and does it have a management company? If so complain to them

There is a management company for the area. They deal with paying for gardeners and other work in the area and billing the owners.

They have been contacted and have been kept aware of what is happening but they claim that they can not do anything about the actions of individuals. There was a problem with the same man around Christmas so it was reported to the Management company

Spot on, perfect advise and best to do asap before it escalates!

I don't think you have done anything wrong OP. The man sounds like a prick. I think you should keep a diary of all the incidents and stand your ground. Hate bullying neighbours.

Like the others say keep a note of everything he does and says. This is not normal behaviour from him. Glad to see you said you had put up cctv etc. take care.

He wants to know the reg no. of any cars belonging to visitor. This is another two sins I committed, I had a courtesy car while mine was in the garage and did not inform anyone.

He sounds nuts

As someone who works for a similar management type Company you would have been expected to let all know you were leaving things in the communal area and for how long (council will collect would be ok) if that had not happened we would get one of our contractors to remove and charge you.

Considering you do not appear to have Communicated this YABU on this issue. And you needed to tell 2 -3. Because you had not Communicated.

For the bins and the car park Yanbu

Honestly if people can’t get work done to their homes without begging neighbours for permission in advance then it is a sad day.

I cannot fathom the mindset who would care that there are some kitchen cabinets left outside for a bit; it is clear that work is being done.

I don’t tolerate people like that. They try stuff like that with me once and generally don’t try it again. Those who have tried to persist in harassing me haven’t come out of it well.

I cannot fathom the mindset who would care that there are some kitchen cabinets left outside for a bit

Exactly! And even if you're bothered it's simple to deal with without being a twat!

"Oh hi OP... noticed some bits and piece in the yard. You having some work done?"

"Oh yes, my new kitchen. As soon as it's all cleared out the council will remove them"

Job done! Why do people love arguing so much?

As a new resident leaving rubbish in a Communal area, it would've been polite to pre-empt this pop a note up on the noticeboard or through doors saying I'm having my kitchen replaced will keep everything out of the way, council are coming on Monday to collect rubbish. I used to live in a flat and would let neighbours know of any works regardless, because they are likely to be disturbed by the noise.
His behaviour is completely unacceptable, but you have other neighbours too and it's best to be considerate.

@User57327259 ugh it sounds like a complete nightmare tbh, I was one of the people saying to leave. I totally get that you don’t want to be pushed out by a handful of weirdos, but it doesn’t sound like a great environment to be in. I personally find it quite empowering sometimes to just decide- you know what? I’m not doing this- I’ll find somewhere better, it will be a big hassle but it will be worth it.

There is a slight risk that if you stay their longer and you get into a proper dispute with them over something in future then you would have to disclose that to a potential future buyer. So even if you “win” you could ultimately lose.

So I might even apologise profusely, tell them they’re 100% right (they’re bloody not) give them a little sorry gift, just agree to whatever. Put the place up for sale, you can tell the new owners in good conscience you’re now on great terms with your neighbours- and get the hell out of there! Hopefully the work you’ve done will have increased the value a bit in any case.

Bin locks will stop the snooping in your bins.

Bins are communal and it would be another moan if I put locks on the bins.
I have never lived in a place like this before, never had a management company to deal with. I thought that telling one person (who reports to the man) that the job was on going and would be dealt with as a whole once completed would be information passed on to "he who must be obeyed" and it would be accepted as fact.

Definitely an irritating place to live. I do not know where people get time to be so concerned about what neighbours do. In would never entertain the thought of living in an area with any communal connections.

You thought you moved to a nice area and then left a load of rubbish piled up spoiling the environment for your neighbours.

Places only look nice because all the residents put in a bit of effort to keep things smart.

it’s not up to neighbours to talk to or manage your workmen it’s your job. You tell them where it acceptable to pile rubbish and if it requires an extra half days labour you pay it.

is it allocated parking, visitor parking or a private road? In which case you should be parking in a designated spot. If it’s all communal or on a public road then on this they are in the wrong

I can not have a bin lorry on standby outside my house any time I have work done. There has to be some flexibility over leaving things out for binmen. Binmen will not go into house, anything to be picked up has to be outside. I can not carry out anything as I am just not physically able. Things were left in a discrete place out of the sight of passers by.
I managed the situation. I had workers. Items were disposed of, granted not as instantly as it would seem is demanded but they were disposed of.
I needed no interference from neighbours to achieve this
It is not allocated parking nor is there any specified place for visitor parking.
I do not know what to do to get these people to mind their own business
I do know that I will never live in this type of set up ever again. It is a nightmare. Someone mentioned that it would put me off humanity I think that is very accurate of my changing views. I do not feel comfortable here at all.

Your drip feed that it's a communal garden does rather put a different perspective on things. I would expect that your neighbours should have been consulted beforehand.

This was a bit of a drip feed!

YABU here. You've piled up your rubbish in a communal garden, which being a "nice area', your neighbours probably want to enjoy without feeling like they are in a tip. Doesn't matter if it can't be seen from the road, you are throwing your rubbish into the shared garden - it sounds like a large pile so stop being cheap and pay for it to be collected. From your description, the rubbish has now been there for days, so multiple neighbours have independently asked you when it's going to be moved. And you've been vague about that, so the elderly man has said he will move your rubbish onto your doorstop if you don't clean up after yourself. Does that sound right?

Let's not start on how you think people shouldn't walk around their neighbourhood after dark. You really sound like quite the curtain-twitcher yourself, and are making your neighbours increasingly uncomfortable with your behaviour.