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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu about mil?

41 replies

Babycakes39 · 08/08/2022 23:04

I just want to get your votes to see if I'm being unreasonable or not! We've booked to go away on a last minute holiday, not far from home but a much needed break for us and the children. Mil said she was pleased we were going and it'd do us good and I was pleased she was happy for us. Fast forward to this evening and we get a message from bil saying she's rang him and offered to bring his 3 children and herself up for the day to join us! I think what pisses me off the most is that she didn't run it past us first. It just seems so rude and makes it very awkward for us to have to say no to our nieces and nephews, who we love. But this is our holiday and the first one as a family of 5. So please let me know...

Aibu: she loves you and wants to spend time with you, get over it.... Or

Ynbu: it was rude and selfish and she should have spoken to us first before saying anything.

OP posts:
abblie · 08/08/2022 23:11

It's only 1 day though maybe she wants family day out. I'd be more annoyed her taking bil kids and not mine lol have a great time away x

DenholmElliot1 · 08/08/2022 23:14

Yeah I can kind of see where you're coming from.

It's like she wants to have her family all together and around her, but doesn't want to be the one to organise and pay for it, so she's just gonna piggyback onto someone else.

My in-laws used to do this too. It's bizzare.

Tell her if she wants all her family around her to bloody well organise it herself.

Pantsomime · 08/08/2022 23:16

Just tell her you have day trips from the base planned so won’t be in - see you next week sort of thing!

Original poster
Babycakes39 · 08/08/2022 23:16

@abblie yeah she does more with his kids than ours but always goes on about how fair she is 🤨. A family day out would be lovely, just not on our holiday 😆

OP posts:
Hoardasurass · 08/08/2022 23:17

Take this as a lesson and never ever tell her where you're going again

Original poster
Babycakes39 · 08/08/2022 23:19

@DenholmElliot1 ues it really does feel like that. She could do so mu h with the kids and us but never suggest anything, just wants to come and sit in our lounge and have me wait on her with cups of tea whilst I also deal with a baby! 🙄 I think she's just so different from my mum I really struggle to understand her ways.

OP posts:
GinIronic · 08/08/2022 23:19

Tell your MIL and BIL a big fat no. You can all meet up another time. You want a holiday with your family alone. Is BIL a single parent?

Original poster
Babycakes39 · 08/08/2022 23:20

@Hoardasurass 🤣🤫🤣

OP posts:
Liverpoolhev · 08/08/2022 23:21

Urg this would majorly annoy me!!

Original poster
Babycakes39 · 08/08/2022 23:21

@GinIronic no he's married and they've just come back from 10 days abroad! He's lovely, as is sil but they can be a bit cheeky too. Just very different from my dh and I who are more reserved and would never dream of ever asking anybody for anything even if we wanted to 😅

OP posts:
Bindayagain · 08/08/2022 23:23

One day, out of how many? A whole week or just a few days?

Original poster
Babycakes39 · 08/08/2022 23:23

@Liverpoolhev glad it isn't just me! My dh never gets wound up, just says 'oh you know what she's like' but I'm lying here seething and full of rage 😅 why are men so laid back?!

OP posts:
Original poster
Babycakes39 · 08/08/2022 23:24

@Bindayagain monday to Friday x

OP posts:
70billionthnamechange · 08/08/2022 23:26

Fuck that

catandcoffee · 08/08/2022 23:26

Stop making her tea when she comes around. Yanbu about her invading your holiday.

ColdCottage · 08/08/2022 23:29

Just say, "what a lovely idea but sorry that doesn't work for us."

Maybe have a few other locations they can go instead. Say it will be lovely to all get together when we are back with dbil and dsil too at yours.

JubileeTrifle · 08/08/2022 23:30

It’s near to home? So there’s no reason not to do this when you aren’t on holiday? She’s being controlling.
id just say - no but we can meet up the week after.

abblie · 08/08/2022 23:31

Babycakes39 · 08/08/2022 23:16

@abblie yeah she does more with his kids than ours but always goes on about how fair she is 🤨. A family day out would be lovely, just not on our holiday 😆

🙈🙈🙈🙈 it's hard to please everyone I families. I don't have issues with mil haven't seen ir heard from her in 15 years so I'm o a win win

Original poster
Babycakes39 · 08/08/2022 23:31

@ColdCottage and @JubileeTrifle

Thanks, I think that's a good idea to suggest doing something altogether the following week. I'm in such a blind rage I can't think straight 😆.

OP posts:
frazzledasarock · 08/08/2022 23:32

Stop serving her hand and foot then. Tell her she’s not using your air bnb as it’s against the rules. And you’ll see her when you get back from holiday as you have things planned.

Original poster
Babycakes39 · 08/08/2022 23:33

@abblie I'd love to be closer to her but we're just such different people! I've really tried over the years but it's just such hard work. 😬

OP posts:
mrssunshinexxx · 08/08/2022 23:35

No, say no it's not suitable it's your first holiday as a 5 and in a long time . Give MIL a date you are free once back to arrange a get together

Original poster
Babycakes39 · 08/08/2022 23:36

@frazzledasarock i know I need to be more assertive but I have anxiety and do it to keep the peace but it's never got me very far so maybe I should try some new tactics! I envy people who can say what they are thinking but not come across as rude. It's such a skill that sadly I don't have 😅

OP posts:
mycatisannoying · 08/08/2022 23:36

It's all relative really.
One day out of a 2 week or 10 day holiday: not a problem.
One day out a 5 day mini break: big problem.

twoandcooplease · 08/08/2022 23:37

You shouldn't have told her

We don't tell in-laws we're going anywhere until 1 day before for this reason. I took the idea from my mil who said her mum showed up to her holiday with fil twice