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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu about mil?

41 replies

Babycakes39 · 08/08/2022 23:04

I just want to get your votes to see if I'm being unreasonable or not! We've booked to go away on a last minute holiday, not far from home but a much needed break for us and the children. Mil said she was pleased we were going and it'd do us good and I was pleased she was happy for us. Fast forward to this evening and we get a message from bil saying she's rang him and offered to bring his 3 children and herself up for the day to join us! I think what pisses me off the most is that she didn't run it past us first. It just seems so rude and makes it very awkward for us to have to say no to our nieces and nephews, who we love. But this is our holiday and the first one as a family of 5. So please let me know...

Aibu: she loves you and wants to spend time with you, get over it.... Or

Ynbu: it was rude and selfish and she should have spoken to us first before saying anything.

OP posts:

mycatisannoying · 08/08/2022 23:37

Ok, I've seen it's 5 days.
Big problem

NeedAHoliday2021 · 08/08/2022 23:40

Sorry mil, our holiday is only 5 days so we’ve planned them but would love to meet up the following week. We’re free either Tuesday or Thursday, possibly Friday - let us know which day is best for for.

FairFuming · 08/08/2022 23:42

Yeah fuck that! What a CF she is. She hasn't even asked you and is making plans for your holiday. Definitely tell her no.

Kite22 · 08/08/2022 23:42

Simply reply "That doesn't work for us. We'd love to meet up one day the following week though".

It isn't rude - or even if someone thinks it is, it is a lot less rude than gatecrashing someone's holiday.

SpacePotato · 08/08/2022 23:43

Wonder who would end up looking after the 6 kids for the day🤔

Tell her to fuck right off. Cheeky fucker.

seven201 · 08/08/2022 23:44

Is it Center parcs and they want the other kids to get the benefit of the day pass offer thing? Definitely say no.

"Sorry, we're having family time as a 5 for the first time while we're away. I'm sure you understand. Would be lovely to have a whole family meet up at yours sometime soon. Xx"

Summerfun54321 · 09/08/2022 00:10

“that’s a really great idea but unfortunately doesn’t work with our plans, we’re free xx week so could arrange a family get together then if that works for you?”…. Easy and breezy no need to overthink it.

Summerfun54321 · 09/08/2022 00:11

And definitely no need to apologise, you haven’t done anything you need to be sorry about.

Ilovelurchers · 09/08/2022 00:21

Going against the grain here, I actually don't think it's that awful and am surprised at the strength of outrage in many of these responses. I mean, it would have been much better had she asked first, and if it will ruin your holiday obviously put her off by telling her you have already booked something for that day (or ask your husband to). But I don't think she has done anything to warrant being told to fuck off as some previous posters suggest!

She probably thought it would be nice and didn't think you would mind too much.

If my MIL did this, while it would not fill me with joy to the very core, I don't think it would make me seethe with rage either. Depending on my mood I would either suck it up or just politely lie in order to get out of it....

Either way don't let it ruin your holiday! Hope you have a good one. X

Original poster

Babycakes39 · 09/08/2022 06:32

Thanks everyone for your input, my first time posting so I was a little nervous at what responses I'd get! I've calmed down now after some sleep! I think it just made me cross that she didn't discuss it with us first before planning it. It definitely wouldn't ruin the holiday! I will see if she brings it up when I see her this week! Nil already knows it's not happening! 😬 Thanks everyone for being kind! Xxx

OP posts:

Original poster

Babycakes39 · 09/08/2022 06:33

Bil not nil 🥴

OP posts:

clickychicky · 09/08/2022 06:34

Yes it absolutely is cheeky of her not to have asked you first.

Fairyliz · 09/08/2022 06:38

So have you heard this from the horses mouth?
Sounds like she was talking to Bil and said oh wouldn’t it be nice to take children to X.
He’s now the cheeky one sounding you out. If you said oh that would be wonderful he will probably tell Mil you think it’s a great idea.

Original poster

Babycakes39 · 09/08/2022 07:57

So quick update, spoken to sil and she asked me if mil had asked us first so I don't think they suggested it. She also only invited the 2 boys and not her gd which is just very typical of her! She had 2 boys and girls seems a mystery to her, despite being one herself! Sil has also said she told the kids no soon after mil suggested so that's nice to know someone 'gets' it! X

OP posts:

Kellerman · 09/08/2022 09:16

Nope nope nope. It is so rude and entitled to invite yourself somewhere, whether that is on someones holiday, to their home or to an activity they are doing.

Our first ever holiday as a family of 3, we didn't travel too far. Out of the 7 days we were away in-laws invited themselves and we ended up spending 5 out of 7 of the days with them. Not only that but they changed our plans we had (activities etc) to what would suit them better (their actual words). I was fuming but didn't have a backbone enough to say anything, DH did pull them up about it around halfway through the holiday and they seemed genuinely shocked that we weren't thrilled about what they were doing and couldn't seem to understand why we didn't want to spend all of our holiday with them.

The following year we booked a holiday to Majorca for a week, in-laws immediately announce that they have always wanted to visit Majorca and maybe they will coincide a holiday there with ours.....this was shut down IMMEDIATELY.

FictionalCharacter · 09/08/2022 09:30

Have you said no to her yet?
Before MN I’d never heard of anyone inviting themselves (and other relatives) on someone else’s holiday. I can’t imagine why anyone thinks it’s ok to announce you’re going to turn up and join them.

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