To wish that people didn’t value others only for their worth in terms of salary earned?

[Onceuponatimeinalandfaraway]

There is so much diversity in society and so much judgement even without knowing circumstances.

the single person not working may have severe mental health issues and needs the stability of benefits without the stress of working to manage to keep alive but they’re worthless to society and should be ashamed for being “career claimants expecting others to support even”

the single mother with four or five kids may have eventually managed to get away from an abusive partner but she’s scum for expecting tax payers to look after her and shouldn’t have had so many children. Maybe the partner refused to let her take contraception, maybe threatened to kill her if she aborted or used the coil or other contraception she’d have been in control of. Or worse maybe threatened to kill or hurt her first child if she used contraception or didn’t let him rape her when he wanted. But she’s scum because you all the judgemental people she’s now a single mother in a cramped house waiting for the council to find her a bigger property and claiming benefits to support her children.

or the single mother with three kids whose partner died and left her a widow, dealing with grief and kids grief and trying to raise her kids and thus needing help. But she’s scum too because she shouldn’t be expecting me tax payers to help support her kids and should work two jobs around childcare.

what about the nurse having to use a food bank because she’s not paid a living wage? Or anyone on anything below a proper living wage, which is a lot of families, often two working parent families, but they’re scum too for needing help?

where is the judgement of the companies paying billions in bonuses to share holders while the tax payers prop their employees wages up?

where is the outrage about the government not preventing profiteering?

no? The outrage and judgement is only aimed at those beneath you on the class scale?

divide And rule, look down on, scorn and prosper. Victorian Britain is returning, it won’t be many years before workhouses are back at this rate! The poor and unlucky made to work as slaves to pay for any assistance they can get. It’s not even long, only a couple of decades, since the last of the workhouse type homes closed in not too distant towns and countries. People have very short memories, privileged people even shorter memories!

I always feel this when I look at comments on things about the cost of living payments, as they are being payed to claiments on UC and other benefits. Most saying what about working families and why do the skivers get all the help . I have 2 children and work my partner worked up untill the day he slipped a disk in his back and hasnt been able to work for 6 years . He is in cronic pain and awaiting his 5th spinal surgery to hopefully fix something he would love to work but it's just not possible , but I support us with help from the goverment while he is unable to work . How is any of that our fault or taking away from hard working families

I don't think they do?

One word media.

Casual sexism, sensationalised channel 4 documentaries, daily mail articles, even those who are claiming benefits almost don't question the hoops they are jumping through as they are made to feel so unworthy but lucky they have this system.

Our country has one the highest welfare supports, but also the widest inequality gap in order to have this in place in the first place.

I agree that people shouldn’t be judged on their income.

However, people also have a responsability to plan their lives e.g ask themselves how many children they can afford, take contraception and not hook-up with abusive men, not drink excessive alcohol/take drugs/commit crime/get into fights and glass people in pubs/clubs.

lots of people don’t seem to plan sensibly. They just drift through life like a rudderless ship and then when storm comes/things get bad (through no fault od their own) they then have no resources to fall back on and society/universal credit/social services/First Response team/police/NHS/food banks have to come to the rescue.

I couldn't believe the difference in how I got treated after people in our neighbourhood found out we 'had money'. Invites to social events, warm gestures etc all ramped-up markedly.

So yes, it does make a difference.

I don’t think they do. I question your weird assumptions that all people on benefits are blameless victims though. Surely some have flaws just like the rest of us?

That’s some level of whataboutery for one post.

I don’t think you’re as profound as you like to think you are, OP.

Why does anyone have an opinion on anything? What’s your point? I think you’re trying to do the whole ‘be kind’ thing. But it just comes across as patronising.

I agree. I think it is something that is so ingrained that some people don't even know how bad it is. I was brought up in extreme poverty, single mum on on benefits and I was judged a lot. I was having to jump through hoops just to get basics to study and I remember feeling so surprised that not only did I have to put up with the practical side of poverty, i was also judged, sneered at and mocked for being poor as well. It is a difficult thing to learn when you are young, and I do not think that things have gotten any better. People just don't want to know. It's bleak and it's not a life that I would choose. I know how hard it is and I am so glad that I have choices that kept me off it. (not far off it, but just) People read stories about benefit cheats stealing thousands and think that is indicative of a type of lifestyle. I've heard people on well over £50k income talk angrily about people on benefits of £8k, and when you challenge them on it, that it's hard on benefits, that nobody would choose it. It's like talking to a brick wall. "They have choices", it's hard to look at the reality of life for families on benefits for generations and not challenge of the truth of that, or the single mum choosing between essentials every single day, or the countless other people just trying their best.

One of my absolute favourite people has done care work on minimum wage all her life. She was a single mum and supported her amazing daughter with the help of some benefits and now lives with her husband in a HA property. He has an ordinary job, a bit better paid than hers.

They are both good people, but she in particular loves her work and is so fond of "my old people". It makes me happy to hear her talk about her work and I have huge respect for her.

I don't think I know anybody who thinks like that.

One thing I've learned is that nothing is ever as it seems

You will often judge people (sometimes subconsciously) without really knowing anything about them or their circumstances, for eg that man must be lazy because of xyz, when in reality you'd be shocked if you knew what they'd been through/their circumstances

Your post shows very little understanding about the nature of relationship abuse. Of course abusive men don’t show their true colours at first. It can happen to anyone - just be fucking grateful that it’s never happened to you.

I agree with the sentiment OP but I'm not aware that people I know do judge people in terms of salary earned ? Maybe because most people I know are on average salary - or below .

I don't think most people do judge people solely on income. However what people do judge are life choices and there's often an overlap between making poor choices (often repeatedly) and ending up the poorer for them.

Some people I know have tons of (fairly old) money but live fairly simply and don’t flash it about …They have experienced the opposite, being looked down on and socially marginalised because the snobby ones think they’re superior in some way 😆

My mum always compares me to my sister, in financial terms. We’re the poor relations. They have a house, car, good jobs, nice holidays. One kid, like us. We have none of the other things, as we’re in creative jobs that aren’t a reliable income.

Mum is always saying to me how expensive raising a child is, even though our child has everything he needs, including a happy (rented) home. Funny, they only have a cushty set-up because they asked both sets of parents for the money.

"All you judgemental people".

Oh shut up. Yes, some people make unpleasant assumptions about others, but a) that doesn't mean they also don't have opinions on the government or large businesses; b) that those assumptions are necessarily untrue. EVERYBODY judges. Whether you admit it or not, you do, it's why there are studies on how first impressions matter.

@PlentyMorePebbles there's not always abuse though, is there? Let's not pretend that women make poor decisions as well, there are plenty that have thought having a baby will 'change' the bad boy; there are also plenty who have deliberately got pregnant purely because they want a baby.

Or if you truly believe that women who have babies with unsuitable men are ALL the victims of abuse then I would suggest it's you that has little understanding!

The people you are describing are usually following the only path they know subconsciously.
How narrow minded to assume that someone deliberately picks an abuser.
There are far reaching societal problems that have an effect on people.
Not everyone has the fortune of good role models, luck and self worth

I was referring specifically to abusive relationships only. Victims to not plan or choose to be abused.

But why when that poster you were responding to, wasn't?

How the hell did you jump to that conclusion in your last paragraph 🤷‍♀️

I was referring specifically to abusive relationships only. Victims to not plan or choose to be abused.

Fuck sake love, it was in direct response to your sentence "Your post shows very little understanding about the nature of relationship abuse". Which was an odd thing to say considering, as I said, that poster was not referring to abuse victims.

But whatever. I withdraw my comments.

This seems like the ultimate goady thread!

That is one hot mess of virtue signalling masquerading as an opening post.