What level of adventure do you think is acceptable?

[BearGryllsDad]

Have name changed for this so not identifiable...

Now its the summer, dh has some time off (teacher) whilst I still have to work. He is therefore doing a lot more of the childcare.

To be fair to him, he is quite engaged with the DC, but takes them on what I would describe as "bear grylls style adventurers" outdoors that involve a fair bit of challenge. Think mountain biking, road riding, canoeing, water stuff, fishing on a fishing boat. They are still quite young (both primary). He takes precautions such as helmets and life jackets of course.

AIBU to worry when he's out with them? They seem to love the adventure generally and I get that it's great for their development. But AIBU just wanting him to take them to a museum or something, just once!?

Taking limited risks teach kids huge amounts of confidence & resilience.

I was raised like this. Summer holidays were never all inclusive beach resorts, they were grab your gear and trekking up a mountain.

It was amazing, I had and incredible childhood with great memories.

@BearGryllsDad

Why don't you come along? Challenge yourself?

I did all this sort of stuff with my DD and her primary school was great too they'd go hiking and coastering.
This stuff builds resilience, so as she said to me recently after a job interview "i was really nervous but i thought "i can race a track bike on a velodrome, they can't!"
Helped enormously with her confidence, as she was quite a shy child.

BearGryllsDad

Why don't you come along? Challenge yourself?

Ive been there done that. Did it a lot when we first got together. Dhs leadership style winds me up though, do it puts me off! And as I said, I'm working through the summer.

It sounds brilliant to me. This is how we raise our kids and they absolutely love being outdoors and sports. They are strong, healthy, brave and are really good at risk assessment - as I imagine your kids are.

What lucky kids. As long as they each feel able to tell him if they're tired, fed up, or simply don't want to do an activity ( and he's empathetic and responsive if they do) I think this is great.

Unless you've got more details that suggest it isn't safe and he is completely reckless and making them do things they hate then I think he can make his own judgement and as the other parent his assessment of risk is as valid as yours. The children will probably always remember this summer . (They will probably remember it as their best time rather than the other things they do more routinely with you -you know how it works!!)

I understand exactly what you mean. My husband is like this and it is great don’t get me wrong BUT it’s exhausting being the parent who worries.

My dh has done some risky things in the past that have genuinely frightened me. Our perception of risk is different and I have had to sense check certain things with friends who will tell me straight if I’m stressing over nothing.

It is brilliant for the kids, just not always that relaxing for me. If I’m really not comfortable with an activity I say so, this was following a misguided afternoon spent tomb stoning. Honestly the photos turned my blood cold. Really not the stuff of summer holiday memory making. He’s not done that activity again…

Sounds brilliant. It sounds like he's really enjoying his time with the kids and engaging with them while giving them great life skills. I'd leave him to it.

We live in The Lakes.

DH & 4yr DS "Boys Days" usually consist of paddle boarding etc. He loves this kind of stuff.

Sounds like they're having an awesome time with Dad!

That's exactly how I plan to raise my baby when they are here. Sounds amazing and will teach them so many valuable life skills and the more outdoorsy the more likely you will learn survival skills.

Does his leadership style mean the DC won’t be able to say no to an activity?
Just be warned @MsBallen you may get a non outdoorsy child! I liked being outdoors but only if I was reading a book! Happy to read Swallows and Amazons but no way did I want to camp

I would have loved that as a kid, as a result I did take mine hiking, bike rides, camping but yours sounds fab.

In fact I would do that now given a chance.

Can he be my dad?

Does his leadership style mean the DC won’t be able to say no to an activity?

Haha he's usually somewhat responsive but does push them pretty hard on mountain biking trails. As a result they are pretty amazing mountain bikers for their age. Much better than me!

Watch that Ed Stafford episode where they take their 18 month old to live on a desert island for a few weeks and then it won't seem nearly as bad 😄. I think he sounds amazing OP but I totally get the mum worry!

@User354354 are you still really outdoorsy and adventurous as an adult because of it?

@Softplayhooray

I still love adventure, and take my children in similar holidays, and days out. Although one of my children doesn't really enjoy them. So we try to do a mix to suit all the brood.

I'm not sure I'm outdoorsy because of the way I was raised, or if I would have been this way regardless. My sister hates any adventure and was raised the same.

I loved the outdoors, woodlands, museums, military bunkers, old hosptials, asylums, fishing, I'm not fussed with. I like camping, and various archaeological relics, various attractions, terracotta warriors, great wall of china, etc.

My parents always used to drive across Europe and take me on camping trips from aged 5, so a different kind of adventure. But they were never sporty so I am glad DC are at least getting that.

I understand exactly what you mean. My husband is like this and it is great don’t get me wrong BUT it’s exhausting being the parent who worries.

Exactly. Roles almost get polorised as adventure dad and boring predictable mum. Like one has to balance out the other.

We raise our kids like this - bike riding, climbing, paddle boarding, body boarding, etc. It feels very weird to hear this described as "Bear Grylls style", when for us it's just the norm. But then we live in an "outdoorsy" part of the world where this is pretty usual.
The kids love being outdoors, though find it v weird when they get together with their cousins who have never done this sort of stuff, and who balk at the idea of even fairly short walks.

@BearGryllsDad Yes!! Boring Mum is definitely the label I have (‘be careful, wear your helmets, don’t forget suncream’), dh spends hours planning adventures. We do complement each other well but it has caused ‘discussions’ in the past because him not recognising risk stresses me massively.

I’m learning to relax a little and he’s understanding that he needs to rein it in a tiny bit. That’s taken years though!

Yes
Does he want to set up daddycare holiday club he sounds fantastic and puts a great deal of effort into making things fun for them

My husband is a climber and he was in charge of the children every Sunday afternoon over 20 years ago, he took them climbing every Sunday! I wasn’t aware of this when I was at work !! They have now all said that the reason they absolutely hate climbing is because it was forced upon them when they were primary school age ..at that age they just wanted to relax …am still annoyed now TBH !