What level of adventure do you think is acceptable?

[BearGryllsDad]

Have name changed for this so not identifiable...

Now its the summer, dh has some time off (teacher) whilst I still have to work. He is therefore doing a lot more of the childcare.

To be fair to him, he is quite engaged with the DC, but takes them on what I would describe as "bear grylls style adventurers" outdoors that involve a fair bit of challenge. Think mountain biking, road riding, canoeing, water stuff, fishing on a fishing boat. They are still quite young (both primary). He takes precautions such as helmets and life jackets of course.

AIBU to worry when he's out with them? They seem to love the adventure generally and I get that it's great for their development. But AIBU just wanting him to take them to a museum or something, just once!?

@amicissimma you may have to interpret your post for me!

I don't know why you are being so off with me. The post was about you taking them to a museum, not being able to oversee them on adventures.

Not all children would love that, some would prefer museums (that would have been me as a child!)

If they are getting tired might be an idea to have a rest day or two as more likely to have accidents if tired.

Is DH doing this more for him than the DC? Fine if the kids are loving it. Do they do things like scouts during term time?

I remember this so vividly from my childhood book reading.

I also vividly remember being allow out on my bike, on my own, at the age of about 10 to cycle several miles to a friend's house. And cycling (again alone) including crossing an A road to a woods where I was allowed to play with a friend. We built an entire den and used to play on the fallen trees over a stream that was a river tributory. I remember doing things like building massive dams at the beach, and diverting a stream for making a proper moat round a sandcastle. I remember building bridges to go across a stream out of fallen branches, and clambering through rocks at the seaside. To me, things like those described above and in the OP are the very essence of childhood.

If your children enjoy it, then I think it's fine. Those are normal things for kids to do, provided they're being properly supervised and have the right safety equipment, which it sounds like they do. Lots of residential school trips or kids' summer camps include things like this.

I can see why you worry; I think that's normal for a parent whose kids are off doing something like canoeing or whatever without them. But you mention your DH is a teacher, so I'm guessing he's pretty used to considering risk etc when it comes to kids' activities and it doesn't sound he's taking it to dangerous extremes.

I think all I would want to know is that the kids were definitely enjoying it all. Not every kid is into that stuff (I wasn't) and some parents are quite pushy about things (just thinking of a recent thread on here where someone's DH had flounced off in a strop and said his 10-year-old 'had no ambition' because she didn't want to go on a five-hour hill walk while she had an upset stomach...!). But provided your kids are into it and having fun, then I say let them crack on.

The only other thing I'd say is that if you're really not into the outward-bound stuff yourself, it would be nice to do some family things that you'll all enjoy, so DH isn't the only one who does fun stuff with them - whether it's a family trip to a museum or a safari park or a castle or whatever, it would be nice for you to have a fun day out too (that doesn't involve safety harnesses and life jackets).

That's a quote from a Swallows and Amazons (would recommend it). She's worrying about the children going off on the lake in their sailing boat and sends a message to her husband in the navy. The quote is his response, sent by telegram.

I loved Swallows and Amazons, but my love was in the reading of it, not doing similar activities.

But as long as DH isn’t a duffer

So long as he's making sure someone knows where he's gone, and they have suitable safety gear on, and they're staying together, then it's good! It does children no good to be brought up to be scared of everything all the time. You need to have a healthy level of sensible caution, I think.

My dad was a mountain guide, and we did all sorts of crazy things when I was little, including going down tunnels and caves and abseiling and climbing up rusty old ladders in an abandoned slate quarry, and scrambling on rocks on sea cliffs, and being dangled into glacial crevasses on a rope. But he always took me to places he knew and was familiar with, and made sure that I had safety gear, and that I knew what to do and not do, and that I shouldn't do xyz without him there.

He sounds fab! Remember, he is used to managing more children everyday so will probably feel more relaxed than you.

My DH is exactly like this. I’m more of the ‘read a book, make a cake, do a jigsaw’ school of parenting. i think it’s brilliant our kids can have both.

The only thing is I had to tell him to watch or for signs of tiredness in our children - physical and emotional - as he simply doesn’t get them, so can overlook when they are approaching limits of what they can handle.

Is DH doing this more for him than the DC? Fine if the kids are loving it. Do they do things like scouts during term time?

Haha a little bit of both. The eldest dropped out of scouts as he wasn't keen, but to be honest it was a pretty lame pack as they only did outdoor stuff about once a year, blaming covid.

She did call one of her kids 'Titty' though, so her judgement wasn't always sound

My DH is exactly like this. I’m more of the ‘read a book, make a cake, do a jigsaw’ school of parenting. i think it’s brilliant our kids can have both.

The only thing is I had to tell him to watch or for signs of tiredness in our children - physical and emotional - as he simply doesn’t get them, so can overlook when they are approaching limits of what they can handle.

This sounds like our family. Dh often notices his own tiredness but doesn't notice dcs. At least they have a balance in term time when I'm doing more childcare and they're in organised clubs such as gymnastics and football (which of course are not without risks either).

In fairness a "bear grylls style adventurer" to me would be drinking my own piss, eating beetles and sleeping in the hollowed out carcass of cow. What you describe just sounds like awesome outdoorsy activities that get the kids away from screen time while having some quality time with their father that they will remember for life.

She did call one of her kids 'Titty' though, so her judgement wasn't always sound

This made me laugh out loud!

My now exH is the same. He would (still does) take our dc surfing, climbing, paddle boarding etc. while my days out with the kids are usually to a museum or a zoo. I used to worry when they were little; it’s normal. But I look around me and actually the parents who do this kind of adventurous stuff with their children are quite rare. It takes time and effort.

Your dc (and mine) are very fortunate. I think it’s natural to feel a little anxious when you aren’t there and have no control over what’s happening but they’re with their dad and will be fine. It’s all so good for them in many ways.

He is a teacher? Presumably he has some sense of health and safety issues? And he is their dad - he sounds great. I'm sure we all share some of our own interests with our kids - imo it's preferable if mum or dad also enjoy the activities they do with their children, as long as they into account the children's needs, of course.

I’lm assuming different teachers have different risk assessments to do. Unless your subject involves outdoor type adventures then his risk assessment experience may be more along the lines of herding cats than life jackets and helmets

Oh how I longed to have the childhood those children had! Its not easy coping with worries when they children do riskier activities but its so good for them that we have to cope.

Sounds brilliant!

Where I live in Snowdonia this all sounds like a very typical summer for any kids lucky enough to have a parent off work with them. My DD (4) has been mountainbiking today (shotgun seat) and will go again tomorrow and then as it warms up I will take her paddleboarding and lake swimming. We've been horse riding a couple of times too, and camping. DH keeps mentioning that we haven't taken DD rock climbing yet this summer, but there are only so many days in the week and DD needs rest days as she's only little.

During lockdown NDN built a rope zipline in the garden for his then 4yo, and it recently pictures popped up on my facebook feed of my friends kids slacklining 10 years ago when the youngest were 4 and 5.

I think with a dad who is a teacher who is enthuisastic about the outdoors your kids are in an ideal position to be introduced to these activites in a safe, fun and age appropriate way.

We also live in Wales but a bit further south. 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿

I'm definitely not a sporty person, outdoors is overrated unless it comes with coffee & cake as far as I'm concerned. I taught my boys arts, crafts, and the art of doing nothing. Dh did all the outdoor stuff with them, win win for everyone.

And, scarily, the worst accident mine ever had was in our own back garden and almost resulted in death

Sorry pressed send too soon......

As long as everyone is enjoying themselves safely it's fine. The only problems that I could foresee was if the children asked not to do so,etching and were forced to carry on. Then I might say something.