Page 2 | Would you have expected DP to have checked by now?

neptunenov · 2022-08-08T12:39:48+00:00

Been together 10 years (don't live together). Told him I had tested positive for covid early evening yesterday. His reply was 'I hope you don't feel too ill with it'. Not a dickie bird from him since. No 'just checking your night wasn't too bad'/'how are you feeling today?'/'have you everything you need?'. Nothing. Am I expecting too much here? I've been feeling for a while that he takes me for granted/is just not that into me anymore and I'm starting to read his silence as just one more sign of lacking care and affection. I feel absolutely dreadful, had an awful night and had to come back to bed all this morning which is so unlike me. Prepared to accept I'm unjustifiably just feeling sorry for myself here but I know I would have checked him if the tables were turned.

AnotherAnxiousMess · 08/08/2022 15:13

This alone, I wouldn't think much of it... But my partner has never been overly affectionate anyway. However, if this is a change in behaviour for him and he is continually showing less affection in other ways too, I'd question him on it and see if he still wants to be in a relationship.

Mally100 · 08/08/2022 15:15

Yanbu, a text takes 30s to type out at a bare minimum. He should have called at least or offered to drop around food or something. His message sounds like he was texting a friend. I would be hurt and really take stock of where this is going.

GiltEdges · 08/08/2022 15:19

neptunenov · 08/08/2022 14:58

The not replying puts the ball in your court. You can post on here.

I guess my point is that he doesn't know I can post and he hasn't bothered to check in. I might have been hospitalised, or without paracetamol, or anything really. I have actually run out of paracetamol and obviously can't nip to the shop to get some. No family nearby either.

I don't know, perhaps I am expecting too much. However, I see it against a broader backdrop of diminishing care/affection

You’re being a martyr. You know what your needs are, so if you want him to e.g. pick you up some paracetamol, then just bloody well ask him. He responded to your message and you haven’t answered him. Some people have covid and are pretty much symptomless; how is he meant to know you had a terrible night if you don’t say so?

TheMarmaladeYears · 08/08/2022 15:20

I'd have replied to the message and only started feeling neglected and abandoned if he'd ignored it. Right now I advise sending a text saying you feel diabolical and would appreciate a delivery of paracetamol. How he replies to that is a better measure of his potential indifference.

SpicePearl · 08/08/2022 15:21

Some cool wives out in force here. You’ve been together ten years, I don’t think the problem is that he doesn’t want to double text 😂

YANBU OP, obviously you’re feeling unappreciated and you should probably speak to him about that and what might help.

TommySaid · 08/08/2022 15:27

Some cool wives out in force here. You’ve been together ten years, I don’t think the problem is that he doesn’t want to double text

It’s not about not wanting to double text to look thirsty it’s about reaching out and the other person not replying so I’d accept that as not wanting to talk, so you’re respecting their wishes.

When I had covid I couldn’t look at my phone because I had such a bad headache.

I think it’s ridiculous that a few hours have gone by without a second text and people are acting like he’s done something wrong.
Some people just have lives.

Marluuu · 08/08/2022 15:30

Problem here is that people tend to have very different views on Covid these days….from ‘OMG they might end up in hospital’ to ‘they have a light cold but will carry on with their day as normal’. Might it just be a misunderstanding - you’re seriously worried about your health because you feel unwell and therefore expect him to care, but him not realising that you’re feeling poorly because he thinks Covid is not a big deal?

girlmom21 · 08/08/2022 16:51

SpicePearl · 08/08/2022 15:21

Some cool wives out in force here. You’ve been together ten years, I don’t think the problem is that he doesn’t want to double text 😂

YANBU OP, obviously you’re feeling unappreciated and you should probably speak to him about that and what might help.

If my partner called off a planned day id booked annual leave for, trotted out the 'oh I have covid' line rather than 'sorry babe, I'm feeling shit, come round for a film and a curry instead' and then ignored my text id be pissed off.

I'm not a 'cool wife'. I just think consideration works two ways.

sunsetsandsandybeaches · 08/08/2022 16:52

No, I didn't reply to the message. I actually read it as a little dismissive at the time but was prepared to accept that that was a biased reading based on my feeling he isn't really caring anymore. Besides, I was out of it yesterday. Then when no message came this morning, I just felt a bit neglected tbh.

Maybe he feels neglected because you haven't bothered to text him back?

Icanstillrecallourlastsummer · 08/08/2022 16:55

neptunenov · 08/08/2022 14:58

The not replying puts the ball in your court. You can post on here.

I guess my point is that he doesn't know I can post and he hasn't bothered to check in. I might have been hospitalised, or without paracetamol, or anything really. I have actually run out of paracetamol and obviously can't nip to the shop to get some. No family nearby either.

I don't know, perhaps I am expecting too much. However, I see it against a broader backdrop of diminishing care/affection

This is being dramatic. Most people aren't hospitalised with covid unless they have underlying conditions (do you?). It would be the same as telling him you had a bad cold/ flu for most. Why on earth would be assume you might be in hospital.

It sounds like some weird test here, and I wonder if there is more to it.

Lou98 · 08/08/2022 17:10

Sorry but I do think YABU and a bit dramatic. He replied to you saying you had Covid saying he hopes you don't feel to ill. You ignored his message instead of replying and are now annoyed he hasn't messaged you?

Personally if you never replied I would assume you either didn't feel ill with it or wanted left to rest. If you're feeling that bad that you want him to drop paracetamol etc round you should have replied to his message saying that you are actually feeling pretty rough and would he mind dropping some stuff round. Most people I know that have had covid have just felt it as a cold so I wouldn't assume you were at death's door just because you said you have covid, I'd expect you to communicate that, not blame him for not messaging when you never bothered to reply to his last one

cherrypiepie · 08/08/2022 20:41

How are you fling now OP?

cherrypiepie · 08/08/2022 20:41

Feeling*

DashboardConfessional · 08/08/2022 20:53

Marluuu · 08/08/2022 15:30

Problem here is that people tend to have very different views on Covid these days….from ‘OMG they might end up in hospital’ to ‘they have a light cold but will carry on with their day as normal’. Might it just be a misunderstanding - you’re seriously worried about your health because you feel unwell and therefore expect him to care, but him not realising that you’re feeling poorly because he thinks Covid is not a big deal?

I'd be a bit concerned about his level of interest waning, especially as you'd planned to spend the day together, re: which he hasn't even said "Oh no, never mind, we'll do something when you're better". My friend 300 miles away had it (she let me know as we were laughing that it had finally got her after 2 years) and I managed to take 30 seconds to ask how she was! I also offered to drop milk in when our other local friends had it.

That said, as above, the "just a cold" narrative has really taken hold. In our house I was the only one absolutely floored by symptoms, at one point unable to get upstairs. The other 2 - nothing. He may think you're just a bit bored, nothing more to worry about than that

Creepymanonagoatfarm · 08/08/2022 20:57

I took it as he hopes you aren't too ill it affects his life..
How long until he worries you haven't replies I wonder?

Original poster

neptunenov · 09/08/2022 06:13

@cherrypiepie
Still really ill. Last night was again feverish. Utterly drained. Normally, I take paracetamol and coffee and ignore but this has completely floored me. Thanks for asking.

OP posts:

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 09/08/2022 06:34

When my friends have had it I've messaged to see how they are and if they needed anything so I'd expect a partner of 10 years to do the same!

Goldengoosey · 09/08/2022 06:38

Aww poor you. I felt truly awful for a couple of days when I had covid and really appreciated my husband getting me cold drinks and paracetamol and just caring I guess.

I think he is out of order. I would have expected more messages to check you were OK and offers to drop anything off you need. Especially when he actually had a days leave and not caught up in work.

i would message him and ask him to drop off paracetamol for you at the very least. That will bring your temperature down and make you feel slightly more human. Don’t suffer in silence. Hope you feel better soon x

MichelleScarn · 09/08/2022 06:44

When were you last together? Is it possible he has it now and is v v ill?

Doingmybest12 · 09/08/2022 06:45

I think the things we hear about covid now are so mixed and confusing. The liklihood is that he hears the 'it is just a cold ' bit , some people are just geared to minimise and not think too much I am afraid. Either you make a point of telling him you feel really ill and tell him you are not impressed re lack of care or you seeth to yourself and grow your resentment. Only you know if your relationship is worth this . I also know people who like a bit of drama and would be all over it waiting for the worst case scenario to emerge .

EmergencyHepNeeded · 09/08/2022 07:00

girlmom21 · 08/08/2022 15:00

I guess my point is that he doesn't know I can post and he hasn't bothered to check in. I might have been hospitalised, or without paracetamol, or anything really.

How do you know he hasn't been hospitalised? It's a bit daft.

Why would he have been hospitalised? That's a bit of a reach!

BackToNormalish · 09/08/2022 07:01

I got a positive on the same day as you, this is my second bout of covid, and it's much worse second time around. I've been in bed for the last two days, barely eaten and slept most of the time.

My other half also doesn't live with me, he does ten hour days in a manual role and is a lone parent to two young adults. But has text me loads and came round both days to see how I and to make dinner for my kids (they are teens so more than capable, but like most teens will willingly let someone else cook where possible).

With that in mind, I'd say there's no excuse for him not to have messaged to see how you are. It takes less than a minute and the fact he hasn't (and you feel you can't query it) doesn't paint him in a great light.

I'd send a text this morning telling him how dreadful you feel and ask if he can drop round some supplies. I'm not one for pussyfooting around, so I'd also tell him he'd never cut it as Florence Nightingale and that I could've been eaten by my cats and he wouldn't know.

Hope you (and me) feel better soon.

alwayscrashinginthesamecar1 · 09/08/2022 07:13

I'd be bloody hurt too, and I'm surprised at some of the comments here! At the very least he could have asked if you needed anything. A good friend of mine had Covid last week and was pretty bad with it, I left her a care package on her doorstep. I'd expect at least that from a partner!

girlmom21 · 09/08/2022 07:13

Why would he have been hospitalised? That's a bit of a reach!

So is the OP being hospitalised.

He could have had a heart attack or a car crash. Both more likely than the OP being hospitalised with covid.

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 09/08/2022 07:16

Why didn't you reply back to him saying unfortunately you weren't feeling great with it? Why ignore his message?