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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Having siblings back for playdate

44 replies

dottypotter · 08/08/2022 12:50

If you have one child and they go to someones house to play, but they have a sibling should the sibling come back for the return play date too if that makes sense?
For example. Tom is an only child and goes to play with Lucy, but Lucy has a sibling a year younger . When Lucy goes back to Toms house to play should the sibling go too.

Lucys mums said unless her sibling can go on the return playdate its not worth it as she dosent get time to herself and she still has one child at home. whereas Toms mum gets a break as she only has one child??????

Whos right?

OP posts:
ChubbyCaterpillar · 08/08/2022 12:53

One for one.

Lucy is a CF

toffeechai · 08/08/2022 12:53

Lucy’s mum is bu.

Changes17 · 08/08/2022 12:54

Lucy's mum seems to be quite transactional about playdates. Aren't they playing together because they like each other, rather than for their parents' benefit?
That said, don't turn this down out of hand on principle. If they all get on and occupy each other, then why not? But if they don't, don't. Especially if it's more hassle then it's worth.

hangrylady · 08/08/2022 12:56

Lucy is a tit. Playdates aren't childcare they are so children can play with their friends

hangrylady · 08/08/2022 12:57

Sorry Lucy's mum is a tit!

girlmom21 · 08/08/2022 12:57

Lucy's moms a cheeky cow. It's not worth her child having friendships if they don't benefit her?

PersonaNonGarter · 08/08/2022 12:58

Tom and Lucy play together. That’s it.

minipie · 08/08/2022 12:59

Lucy’s mum is BU

Playdates are not childcare, they are so kids who are friends can play together

Lucy’s sibling is not friends with Tom

Triffid1 · 08/08/2022 12:59

Lucy's mum is a twit. The only time that sort of system would work would be if you were purposefully doing playdates as a childcare bartering system. ie - I'll take your kids today and you take mine tomorrow. But if the playdate is because Lucy and Tom are friends, then the sibling is irrelevant. And in fact, unless Lucy and her sibling are genuinely best friends, it would actually be good for Lucy to have some time to play with her friends without the sibling.

Lucy's mum may well want to arrange it so that she has a playdate for Lucy and a playdate for Lucy's sibling on the same day with different families so she gets the break. If Tom's mum is kind, she might be willing to switch a day to accommodate this for Lucy's mum.

knottsberryfarm · 08/08/2022 12:59

Is she's like that tell her Tom should go to Lucy's house twice as often.

Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov · 08/08/2022 13:00

Lucy's entitled to not want to do a play date though. Personally play dates are for my kids not for me but if she thinks it's more hassle she's allowed.

Greybutterfly · 08/08/2022 13:00

Playdates are for the kids benefit not the mum … I would be distancing myself

Rowen32 · 08/08/2022 13:42

Definitely unreasonable, I would never expect someone to take my child's siblings on their playdate.. Also, isn't it better the child develops their own friendships outside of having siblings around (extra unrelated point). It seems like the Mam sees playdates as a way to get childcare which isn't their purpose at all - I would say that to her..

Rowen32 · 08/08/2022 13:44

Also, unfair to expect Tom to play with sibling when sibling isn't their friend.. I know all childrens' friendships should be encouraged etc but it's nice to him to have his own friend that he made and not feel responsible for the sibling too..

Raindancer411 · 08/08/2022 13:46

No, it's for friends to play together, not free childcare.

DorisWallis · 08/08/2022 13:47

I think she's mixing you up with a paid babysitter
You only invite who your child wants to play with

Fadingginger · 08/08/2022 13:49

My mother used to do this when I was invited to a friend's house. Really hated it!

lanthanum · 08/08/2022 13:50

Tell Lucy's mum that you can be flexible about when Lucy comes so that she can try and arrange for both children to have playdates at the same time.
Alternatively, Lucy's mum can enjoy some one-to-one time with the sibling.

PeanutButterOnToad · 08/08/2022 14:08

Yes, Lucy’s mum is a CF, it’s a play date, not childcare.

Goldbar · 08/08/2022 14:09

Playdates aren't childcare.

The only situation where siblings are acceptable is if you're actually doing her a babysitting favour and looking after all her kids or if the children are young enough that the mum has to come too (and so can't leave the other children at home). We've had younger children accompany their mums to our house when older siblings have come to play with my 4yo, which I don't mind at all. We also had a very boisterous and out-of-control 7yo who was quite rough with the younger ones (I'm afraid we're not inviting them again!). Totally different to invite, say, an 8yo to play with your 8yo and then be told that you're expected to have the 5yo or the 10yo as well! What if the actual playdate children don't want to play with the sibling? You're left to amuse someone else's child who isn't even the same age as your child!

WTF475878237NC · 08/08/2022 14:15

How rude of Lucy's mum. Not worth it? So she only cares about getting a break from parenting and not her daughter having fun with a friend?

Sweatinglikeabitch · 08/08/2022 14:16

Lucy's mum is a right CF.
Play dates are for the kids. It's not babysitting.

Hankunamatata · 08/08/2022 14:17

That's madness. You dont send sibling along on playdate

Hoppinggreen · 08/08/2022 14:17

Nope
The mum is a CF

10HailMarys · 08/08/2022 14:31

Lucy's mum is failing to understand the point of a playdate, which is to allow her child to play with another child, not to give her an afternoon off.

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