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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To cancel my child's birthday party?

45 replies

loopyloulous · 08/08/2022 12:07

Ok...I've never had this before and it's stressing me out. I have 3 dc and this is for my youngest who is turning 4 and it's stressing me out!

I handed invitations out on the last week of term. The party is on the first weekend in September and therefore had to hand invites out before the end of term. My guess is that invited have been put in the child's bags and either not been seen or forgotten about.

I've contacted my sons pre school manager who assured me all invites were handed out. I don't have any contact details for the parents unfortunately, it's just a waiting game.

So far I've had 5 responses out of 19. Only 4 children can come so far.

Tomorrow I have to let the children entertainer know if the party is going ahead or not and pay the deposit.

The party is going to cost around £400. £200 for the entertainer, then the villlage hall, food and party bags on top of that.

Here's what I think are my options:

Keep the party going, I could get more rsvps later on and try bump numbers up by inviting my older dcs friends. Which my younger dc loves! But equally a lot of the kids he wants to come will not be there.

Cancel the party and just do something at home for the kids that can come now.

Push the party back and re send invites for when they go back to school.

Unless any of you other Mumsnetters can think of another option? What would you do?

It's really frustrating, to be fair I didn't put a date to rsvp but I did put asap.

I probably sent invites out too early but as the party is before back to school, I really had no option.

OP posts:
Grapewrath · 08/08/2022 12:08

Just have the party. Most people don’t officially rsvp to kids party invited I’ve found.

Comedycook · 08/08/2022 12:11

I wouldn't cancel...you'll get a flurry of replies the week before I reckon. It's only the beginning of August. September seems quite far away for most people

Original poster
loopyloulous · 08/08/2022 12:11

Sorry I should of said I didn't personally hand them out. I gave them to my sons pre school who then gave them out.

OP posts:
MrsLargeEmbodied · 08/08/2022 12:13

i would just confirm and hope for the best

ZeroFuchsGiven · 08/08/2022 12:14

Can you ask the parents who have replied if they have contact details for any other parents?

HSKAT · 08/08/2022 12:14

It's annoying but I've found most people don't actually RSVP.

Do you have a school Facebook page?

Original poster
loopyloulous · 08/08/2022 12:15

ZeroFuchsGiven · 08/08/2022 12:14

Can you ask the parents who have replied if they have contact details for any other parents?

Yes I've thought about doing this actually. I could ask, it's just I have no idea who the parents are so wasn't sure if it was ok to do so

OP posts:
Original poster
loopyloulous · 08/08/2022 12:16

HSKAT · 08/08/2022 12:14

It's annoying but I've found most people don't actually RSVP.

Do you have a school Facebook page?

Unfortunately not :-( it's only a small pre school.

OP posts:
Original poster
loopyloulous · 08/08/2022 12:18

I just thought for what I'm going to spend on his party, I could equally take him away for the weekend and make it special that way if no one can come.

My other dcs are older so it's been a while since I've had to do a party like this. I don't remember no one just not bothering to reply. How sad if that's the case now.

OP posts:
ABrotherWhoLooksLikeHellMugYou · 08/08/2022 12:20

I'd push it back personally. No way I'd risk the money and DCs disappointment if only 4 kids turned up

acorntotree · 08/08/2022 12:23

I would cancel and have a nice family day out. I think people are less likely to commit to a preschool party so you may not get many and that would be disappointing particularly for the money. When they're at school you can invite on WhatsApp which is a lot easier to follow up with and parents commit a bit more knowing they'll be with the class for a while.

Original poster
loopyloulous · 08/08/2022 12:24

ABrotherWhoLooksLikeHellMugYou · 08/08/2022 12:20

I'd push it back personally. No way I'd risk the money and DCs disappointment if only 4 kids turned up

This is what I'm worried about. I can ask other kids to come but these aren't really the ones he wants to be there so it seems a waste paying for something that doesn't feel right for him.

OP posts:
Rowen32 · 08/08/2022 12:25

Can you ask pre school to send quick email out? It could easily have been forgotten about by a lot of the parents..

Comedycook · 08/08/2022 12:25

To be honest, I'm pretty good at rsvping but if I got a party invitation in July for a party in septemt, I'm not sure if have replied by now.

KangFang · 08/08/2022 12:26

I would cancel.

UWhatNow · 08/08/2022 12:28

“Can you ask pre school to send quick email out?”

Presumably they’re closed for the summer. That’s verging on CF territory.

Annabananna1 · 08/08/2022 12:28

I'd cancel or just have a small thing at home.

I don't think I'd remember to rsvp in July for a party in September. There's way too much to think about right at the end of term.

Though, without the contact details for anyone how will anyone know it's cancelled. I suppose if they do eventually rsvp you can let them know.

abblie · 08/08/2022 12:28

God forbid but this is why I never done birthday parties the stress and money wasn't worth it I was lucky my dd had 4 close friends in street and on birthday would send a cake into school

Dogscanteatonions · 08/08/2022 12:28

Don't cancel! Loads of people don't rsvp, I had years of this when mine were younger. Also the invites have gone out very early - presume well be thinking they have got TONS of time to reply.

One memorable party for my eldest I had 2/3 replies but nearly the whole class showed.

Original poster
loopyloulous · 08/08/2022 12:33

UWhatNow · 08/08/2022 12:28

“Can you ask pre school to send quick email out?”

Presumably they’re closed for the summer. That’s verging on CF territory.

Yes pre school is closed. I felt cheeky enough as it is messaging the manager to ask - though I am friends with her on social media. I didn't feel comfortable doing it at all but she is lovely and was fine about it. I can't ask her to do anymore though.

OP posts:
Original poster
loopyloulous · 08/08/2022 12:36

Comedycook · 08/08/2022 12:25

To be honest, I'm pretty good at rsvping but if I got a party invitation in July for a party in septemt, I'm not sure if have replied by now.

This is the issue I had. My sons birthday falls on a Saturday so we thought it would be lovely to be able to have the party on his actual birthday but it falls before the kids go back to school hence the early invites before they broke up. As it's a pre school where no one knows anyone, it was my only option.

I've never done a party before when I've had hardly any responses so I just didn't expect to her nothing back. I knew it was early but just assumed people would realise I had to get invites out before school closed for summer.

OP posts:
crowdedout · 08/08/2022 12:36

Whatsapp. Honestly i might not have even cleared out the nursery bag yet. These days i always invite via whatsapp - can send updates and easy to see who has and hasnt responded.

User280905 · 08/08/2022 12:36

Can you have the entertainer at home? Save on the hall hire but still have a good party? Then the parents who didn't bother to reply will turn up at the wrong place (which would give me some kind of satisfaction)

TaureanGemini · 08/08/2022 12:38

If it was me I would cancel. Have yourselves a lovely day out or such like instead. You could have an alternative (cheaper) party when they've gone back to school and know who can and can't come. Don't stress. Could be worth setting up a group chat for future parties etc, gives you a bit of reassurance that info has been passed on x

Original poster
loopyloulous · 08/08/2022 12:40

crowdedout · 08/08/2022 12:36

Whatsapp. Honestly i might not have even cleared out the nursery bag yet. These days i always invite via whatsapp - can send updates and easy to see who has and hasnt responded.

I can't do what's app if I don't have any parents phone numbers - I have absolutely no contact details whatsoever.

OP posts: