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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To really miss cuddling up to her

39 replies

Feelsautumnalthismorning · 08/08/2022 10:10

Dd, just turned 4, she’s always co slept with us/me mainly in our bed, dog too 🤣
We've just made her a new bedroom with new bed etc and said she can choose where to sleep..sleep in her new bed or keep sleeping with me, whatever she wants to do. The first night she went back into our bed and last night she slept in her own bed, said she wanted to (seemed sort of nervous/upset about it) but adamant she wanted to. She didn’t even get into the bed all night and just got up and asked to go downstairs for breakfast.
This is all great, buutttt am Aibu to have cried last night and to be sad this part of my life is over 😔
I realise some people may think I’m completely ridiculous..she’s a very happy, independent girl, she’s just always cuddled up at night.

OP posts:
stealtheatingtunnocks · 08/08/2022 10:14

Motherhood is a long list of letting go.

it’s ok to be sad that one bit is over, doesn mean you won’t enjoy the next bit (and then wail when it is over)

JenniferBarkley · 08/08/2022 10:16

You can be sad that that phase is ending, but also proud of her for spreading her wings a bit, and enjoy the other new things she will be doing. You're aiming for her to ultimately be an independent, self sufficient adult so there will be lots of these moments - it's ok to miss the old bits, but remember it's a good thing Flowers

Mally100 · 08/08/2022 10:18

My ds is the same. I wake around 10min before his wake up time and go in his bed for a cuddle.

weewill · 08/08/2022 10:19

I feel the same and my baby is only 13m!

She's co sleeping and I will be so sad when she stops and also when she stops breastfeeding too!!

NiqueNique · 08/08/2022 10:20

It’s perfectly okay to be sad, of course. When it gets difficult remind yourself that as pp said, it’s always best to let go when the child is ready - that’s how it should be, and it’s much harder for you, and for them, to fix things later if certain habits have carried on for too long.

She’s indicated that she feels grown up enough to sleep by herself and that’s a great leap! She’ll likely come back here and there and you’ll get your snuggles again. Or you could set up another snuggle habit like weekend mornings with a cup of tea in bed or something like that.

Borracha · 08/08/2022 10:20

I totally get it. My 3 year old was a great cuddler - some kids are all wiggly and kick-y but he was just a warm, solid, still mass that smelt delicious. I was happy when he started sleeping in his own bed but I really miss the cuddles!

KangarooKenny · 08/08/2022 10:21

Yep, one of many things you will have to let go of in her life.

Original poster
Feelsautumnalthismorning · 08/08/2022 10:21

I’m really proud of her…she wanted me to lie in bed with her (her bed) whilst reading the bedtime story, think she thought I’d be staying there, but there’s no room so I snuck out after she fell asleep. She woke for a wee in the night and got a little upset as wanted me to sleep with her in her bed, I explained there wasn’t enough space but she could come in with me if she wanted to or go in her bed alone and that our rooms are right next to each other. She was a bit upset, but went back to her room. In the morning she came to wake me up but no cuddles, no getting into bed..feels so different I suppose

OP posts:
Original poster
Feelsautumnalthismorning · 08/08/2022 10:23

@NiqueNique But she’d never asked to sleep alone or for her own bed…I sort of wish I’d waited a bit now 🙈

OP posts:
ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 08/08/2022 10:24

It’s not over! They go through stages of it. My dd used to come in for years. Stopped at 13

Lansonmaid · 08/08/2022 10:24

I felt the same when my children didn't need their bedtime story anymore so you aren't being unreasonable. I used to love them cuddling up to me after their bath and sharing my love of books with them

Original poster
Feelsautumnalthismorning · 08/08/2022 10:25

@weewill I was the same and miss the breastfeeding too 😩At times I wanted it all
to be over, to have my own space so much…now it’s here, I feel strange and sad

OP posts:
Original poster
Feelsautumnalthismorning · 08/08/2022 10:26

@Lansonmaid Oh god, when does that stop? I didn’t even think about that stopping

OP posts:
ihatebojo · 08/08/2022 10:27

stealtheatingtunnocks · 08/08/2022 10:14

Motherhood is a long list of letting go.

it’s ok to be sad that one bit is over, doesn mean you won’t enjoy the next bit (and then wail when it is over)

Your first line is so poetic!

My DD is 12, and still comes in for a morning cuddle once or twice a week. I love those moments.

Original poster
Feelsautumnalthismorning · 08/08/2022 10:27

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow I assumed she’d probably get in in the middle of the night or the morning, but it’s almost like she’s become adamant she won’t go in 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
NiqueNique · 08/08/2022 10:29

It’s one part of you that feels that way and that’s okay. Snuggles are lovely. The other part of you needs your own space, your own identity away from your child(ren) and it’s actually important to safeguard that as it will make it easier for you in years to come to be her parent and guide her well. Let the sadness wash over you and then enjoy what the next stage brings!

Sweatinglikeabitch · 08/08/2022 10:29

I say it alot but I feel like motherhood is constantly gaining one amazing thing and losing another equally amazing thing.

Purplepurse · 08/08/2022 10:35

Jonathan Fanning "The Last Time". Its a poem . Only read if you want to spend the morning in tears!!

Original poster
Feelsautumnalthismorning · 08/08/2022 10:35

She was sad though that I wasn’t in bed with her, but can’t fit enough to sleep there all night but wouldn’t go in ours 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
PupInAPram · 08/08/2022 10:35

When I dropped my oldest child off for his first day at school (was a single parent of two) I skipped all the way home. The playground was full of silently weeping mums. 13 years later having dropped him off at uni I ugly cried. Also cried all the way home for his sister 4 years later.

Original poster
Feelsautumnalthismorning · 08/08/2022 10:36

@Purplepurse Ive read it 😔😢the thing is, what if she doesn’t want to sleep in the bed ever again and it really was the last time. I didn’t expect it to go like this, just wanted her to have her own space to play in etc, just assumed she’d want to stay in our bed, at least at first

OP posts:
PupInAPram · 08/08/2022 10:37

What I'm saying @Feelsautumnalthismorning is, best get used to it!

mummymeister · 08/08/2022 10:37

Sad when they went to school for the first time. sad when they went on their first trip overnight away without me. sad when they left home to go to uni. sad each time they leave to go back to uni. yep. being a mum with a happy, healthy, independent child is tough some times.

Purplepurse · 08/08/2022 10:41

Pulpinapram

The university drop off has to rate as the hardest . Well it was for me. But you get used to that as well. After all its what we want for our children and hope they will be able to manage it.

CleopatrasBeautifulNose · 08/08/2022 10:46

Awwwww, yes, have a cry and softly let go. It's so delicious to have that gorgeous little person relationship, of course tears will mark its passing. 😊