Breastfeeding woes - give up or keep going?

[Moonisdown]

Sorry posting here for traffic and as parenting boards are quiet. Feeling desperate!! Can anyone offer advise?

I have a 5 week old and my breastfeeding ‘journey’ so far:

baby in NICU for 5 days being formula fed. Managed to express some colostrum day 1, got a pump from midwives on day 2, was shown how to use it wrongly and ended up in agony with engorged breasts and not extracting anything.

got baby back on day 5 and started breastfeeding. Actually went well but didn’t have enough supply and baby was losing weight/ jaundice so had to keep topping up with formula and do a strict feeding schedule.

supply increased and baby was putting on weight, feeding was fine - then we both got thrush. In agony feeding, baby unhappy. Cue medications for us both for two weeks, I think it’s nearly gone now as pain is nearly gone but still painful to feed and baby latch isn’t as good now.

Supply increased properly (we’ve been measuring on scales), started to cut back on formula as not needed, baby is be getting loads. However now baby is sick after feeding - just breast. If having an exclusive formula feed baby is fine so it can’t be dairy allergy.

baby looks in pain and uncomfortable after a breast feed now - screws up face and body and goes all red, then gets sick 2-3 times.

a lactation consultants commented a few weeks ago on how I didn’t seem to have much creamy milk so I think this is as I am only giving baby thin milk heavy in lactose so it’s creating an uncomfortable stomach, lots of wind and getting sick.

so what is even the point? Its been 5 weeks of disaster, I persevered even through the agony of thrush only for baby to now be sick and uncomfortable on breast milk and fine on formula😭😭😭

I second the idea of trying a few bottles of expressed breastmilk, as that will answer the question of is it the milk (ie something you are eating) or is it the act of breastfeeding (position, let down, tongue tie etc.)

If you get the same spit up, unhappy baby on expressed milk that is harder to fix unless you are happy to go on a very restricted diet to find the cause.

If expressed milk is fine then the other things can be worked on.

If you really want to breastfeed then keep going you are doing amazingly. It does get much easier.

If you would rather formula feed then that is fantastic too, lots of benefits such as sharing night feeds etc.

Oh and smother your nipples in Lanisoh X

I found breastfeeding really easy for baby no.1. She was in NICU for a few days and had always just been given a bottle when I went to feed her. Other than that BF was an absolute dream and I fed for a year. No worries about travelling, sterilising, comforting - breast feeding solved everything.
Baby no. 2 was different. The pain was excruciating and if I hadn't had such a positive experience first time around I'd have given up within hours. (Pain was let down plus womb contractions - worse than the birth). Although it did get easier, it wasn't the lovely experience I had before. I kept at it until 5 months when I got really ill and hospitalised and she just took to bottles so easily.
I don't feel I failed. I did what I could at the time.

OP, congratulations on your lovely baby! And sorry you had to deal with the stress of NICU. The most important thing is to go with what feels right for you.

If you want to switch to formula then you don’t need an “excuse”, just do it and feel proud of yourself for how far you’ve come in such difficult circumstances.

If you want breastfeeding to work then get in touch with a certified lactation consultant. Breastfeeding is hard! But I’m sure your issues can be resolved. I had so many difficulties in the first 8 weeks but at 20 weeks we are now going strong and I’m really happy we persevered.

Whichever choice you make will be the right one for you. Good luck!