Anyone else’s DH doom mongering constantly?

[Wouldloveanother]

He listens to LBC for about 4 hours a day. He seems to obsess over the cost of living crisis, interest rises, bill increases. Let me point out we have a combined income of 80k, 230k equity in our house and no debts besides
mortgage and a couple of small finance plans for some furniture. Which I’m very grateful for, but he acts like we’re on the minimum wage and living hand to mouth. He actively seems to enjoy the drama of doom mongering and worrying.

pregnant with number 2 and he can’t get excited about it at the moment ‘because how will we afford it’. I’ve timed it so when DC2 arrives, DD will be at school so we won’t have 2 lots of nursery fees. We kept everything from DD so won’t really have to buy anything. I have a great maternity package.

he’s a total mood hoover and it’s ruining the atmosphere in the house and my excitement for the baby.

Send him round to mine for the evening. Single mum, minimum wage, universal credit, I have a pile of bills that give me panic attacks. I'm just so glad I don't have a dh that ruins the Peace and quiet. He has nothing to moan about. Can he get z hobby and go out and moan to his mates at the pub?
Sorry I couldn't put up with this. A naturally positive happy person ( you) take a good hard look at what the next 40 years look like, waking up to this daily.....

@Signoramarella youre right besides being an emotional vampire it is downright insulting to people that are actually struggling - like he enjoys a bit of poverty safari. But his life has been much more comfortable than mine on the whole so he panics at the smallest change whereas I’m more of an enjoy-the-moment type person. I hope your luck turns soon.

I listen to lot of news on the radio, and I have had to stop It sent my anxiety levels through the roof. It was cost of living, energy bills, leadership challenge and inflation on repeat.

Get him an audible membership, listening to audible books instead has done me the world of good.

Just suggested that to him Mediocre. Said he needs to have a news detox…

he might suffer from irrational fears or have some sort anxiety. I would try to get to the bottom of it.

I have an irrational fear of being burgled at night or someone will kidnap my dog. I know it's irrational and won't happen but some times I can't handle it and stay up all night. even though we've never been burgled and live in a safe neighbourhood

so it just sounds a bit similar to this 🤔

I considered anxiety but honestly, I don’t think it is (I have it myself so feel I know the signs). He takes his ‘provider’ role very seriously, so I think he does worry about one day not being able to take care of us in the way he wants to. But honestly the moaning is doing my head in!

Yes!!!! I could’ve written this, we had a massive argument about me buying butter the other week because we “can’t afford it” same as you, no debt, combined income of £90k lots of equity, fixed mortgage on a low rate, I’ve actually urged my husband to seek counselling he is so depressing, he is refusing to book a holiday for next year so I’ve told him I’ll go with friends 🙄 it’s draining

It’s like the media is brainwashing them @Shyzebra - DH even talks (seriously) about us freezing this winter due to not being able to pay our heating bill. Wtf? Which news channels/newspapers does he read?

Tbh though things do seem to be on an ever accelerating downward spiral, you might be sitting pretty now but the collapse of the NHS and social care and civil unrest could occur. I'd say there's no point worrying about hypotheticals, but you seem a bit naive.

@Featuredcreature but what does worrying about it actually do? We have no power to influence world events. I just want to enjoy my luck and my pregnancy for now.

We are in a very similar situation to you financially and also have baby 2 on the way although mat package isn't great. I do totally appreciate there are people who will be pushed into poverty and will really struggle far more than us, but I am still worried about our situation. It obviously depends on your outgoings. What is your mortgage and council tax for example? Ours is £1500 for both. Plus I've seen some scary predicted figures for energy in winter e.g. £600 for the month of Dec. I don't think it's a great time to be on mat leave and I am concerned but what can you do. I'd cut your husband some slack. Who deals with the finances in your household?

I live with the total opposite and today he has driven me bonkers! Urghh! Me: we had better take valuables with us. DH 'nah it will be fine. It's really safe here' Me no it's not everywhere has people that steal' Two hours later 'DH' oh my iPad has been knicked'

He's an eternal optimist and that can cause equal amounts of hair pulling!

I have the same with my Mum OP. She and my dad are relatively comfortable. Money in savings. Mortgage free. Both work part time jobs (by choice) not rich, but certainly not poor. But my Mum seems to enjoy the drama of the impending doom that awaits us. She's on a group on Facebook filled with people who talk about how they are living hand to mouth and I've told her she really doesn't need to be on there because that's not how she's living...

There is something called "poverty porn" ie people who get a bit of a kick out of watching those who are struggling financially (i.e Benefits Street etc) but I don't think this is the case for my Mum and suspect it's not for your DH either.

I think some people just get swallowed up in it. I also thing Covid was totally unprecedented and taught us all that life can change dramatically and many people do not cope with big change well.

I think suggesting DH reduces his News intake is an excellent idea.

I also live with an eternal optimist 🙄

however…

RE: cost of living. I am swinging violent between YOLO & squeezing tooth paste out of the tube with a credit card currently. Not sure where to sit myself with it all

like @Wouldloveanother we have joint salary of about £90k and 2 teenagers.

Definitely agree that a lot of people have learned that things can change just like that!

YANBU and I can relate.

I find the more money we earn and more disposable income we have, the more obsessive DH becomes about money and affording things. It’s weird. We are in a worse situation currently than we have been previously but I don’t care because he’s far more tolerable!

Yes, DH is always parroting the most pessimistic news about the economy, energy costs and was the same with Covid. I.keep saying I don't want to hear it as I can't do anything about it so there's no point worrying, but he still does it.

He often does it when we go on holiday, oh we will take five hours to get through Dover (no, it took an hour and we got our ferry no problem). I have to tell him to STFU as it makes me really anxious and miserable.

i think perhaps this attitude might be a knock in effect of the war in Ukraine - bare with me! We see all of there people who seem a lot like us, living lives like us - teachers,IT professionals, architects etc - having their world ripped apart in a matter of hours with the Russian invasion and it makes everyone feel a lot less secure in their lifestyles - instead of feeling grateful that we aren’t suffering the horrors experienced in Ukraine.

Sorry this thread got buried under many others I’ve been posting on and I lost it!

DH is absolutely glowing because he’s found something else to complain about - he’s convinced himself I’m pregnant with twins, and how will we possibly afford it. Already talk of me giving up my job to care for the hypothetical twins (no chance mate). In a way I want it to be twins now, just to see the look on his face.

Can you counter with "but what if it's triplet’s?"

Are you sure he doesn’t have debts you don’t know about? Trying to think why he could possibly be so stressed….!

@Littleraindrop15 total derail - but do you worry about someone breaking in at night and stealing your dog? Because after a break down years ago the police said the best thing to do is get a dog because burglars won’t go near a place if they hear a dog barking. I now have a dog who is a cavachon and the most non frightening thing you can imagine. But when I moved in someone who used to live here got drunk and tried to get in and he went BESERK. And I could hear them say oh god there a dog and they ran away. Then the police came and I opened the door and he ran out and gave them a cuddle 😁 I get irrational fears are hard. But honestly your dog would only get stolen if left tied up outside a shop or in an insecure backyard.

as for OP - ugh - your dh sounds exhausting. Try not to let him bring you down

Haha I did exactly this! Then it was, I would DEFINITELY have to quit my job!

I mean I think anything is possible in life but I would be absolutely stunned. Plus I’ve seen plenty of credit agreements etc go through in his name, seen his credit score etc.

Yeah but it's not just the DHs is it - it's everyone on this forum!