Anyone else’s DH doom mongering constantly?

[Wouldloveanother]

He listens to LBC for about 4 hours a day. He seems to obsess over the cost of living crisis, interest rises, bill increases. Let me point out we have a combined income of 80k, 230k equity in our house and no debts besides
mortgage and a couple of small finance plans for some furniture. Which I’m very grateful for, but he acts like we’re on the minimum wage and living hand to mouth. He actively seems to enjoy the drama of doom mongering and worrying.

pregnant with number 2 and he can’t get excited about it at the moment ‘because how will we afford it’. I’ve timed it so when DC2 arrives, DD will be at school so we won’t have 2 lots of nursery fees. We kept everything from DD so won’t really have to buy anything. I have a great maternity package.

he’s a total mood hoover and it’s ruining the atmosphere in the house and my excitement for the baby.

Yes, keep a straight face and tell him you are expecting triplets. 🤣

Quite honestly, I'd be telling him to stop being such a massive misery guts and pull himself together.

Everyone has the fear of losing everything, it’s just that he has a bit more than some to lose.

Well it’s not exactly looking great either short term or long term is it. I’m not sure sticking your head in the sand and thinking that, just because you can’t do anything to effect it, you might as well ignore it, is that much healthier.

You’re right, I should LTB! 😂

Does he come from a childhood background of financial insecurity? I think that can create a hard to shift blueprint on someone's psyche.

Am I your DH?! 😬

I really think it’s hearing it all the time, for me people on here saying it, the news, and we’re in a very similar situation, I think it’s likely we’ll be fine (and if we’re not will worrying help, or just doing something about it when it happens?) and I do worry about others in less good situations, but why is it affecting me so much…

Clear the little debts. That'll relieve some of his stress.
Plan to pay off the mortgage ASAP.

I’m your dh in the relationship,
im terrified,
dh doesn’t listen.

I'm a non working lone parent carer (I mean I work sodding hard just not in paid employment). I am starting a term time only role in September. I fortunately have minimal debt like you OP (needed some furniture so around £800) and I own a house with a mortgage but that has significant equity. I have had to stop watching the news or reading it. If I did, I'd drive myself mad.

I already batch cook, DS and I got through last winter with minimal heating, I time showers, I have cut back in every way I can. So even with poverty level income, I know I've done all I can and what will be will be. I've had breast cancer as a lone parent, my ex has disappeared and stopped paying maintenance. Somehow the crisis that I have dealt with over the last decade means I have no room for anything else.

Worst way? I sell my house and buy something small somewhere I can be mortgage free and lose the little support I have. It's a pity your DH can't see how lucky you are and his MH must be appalling. I literally cannot worry about all of it anymore. Nobody can have what I don't have. We will manage. It's not the childhood I wanted my DS to have but it is what it is. It also won't last forever. I just can't worry any more 😞

Same same. Safe jobs, high income, no debt. We do have 2 kids in childcare though. But DH is so worried about money all the time. Nagging me over things like the odd take out coffee. Also he does nothing about the finances, let's me handle it all and then looks all worried and itz my job to reassure him. It's exhausting.

I went through a period of listening to LBC throughout the day (I WFH) and had to stop as I could feel my mood sinking. I think it's important to know what's going on in the country/world but listening to constant doom and gloom really does affect your MH eventually.

I've switched to watching Breaking Bad again on Netflix - drug cartels, dissolving bodies in acid, decapitated heads on tortoises....much better ☺️

YANBU. DP is the most rational man but Covid panic (he hasnt had Covid) and watching 24/7 news sent him over the edge.

We aren't rich but we are very lucky that we aren't poor. Im enraged about energy rises, the fact there's no real stand against it, and that poorer will suffer.

But DP's doom-mongering, constantly giving me news snippets even when I told him I didnt want to hear it he'd talk over/at me, resulted in me having a strong talk with him. I am not living a miserable moany life for anybody. He snapped out of it, hopefully your H will too.

Next door neighbour is worse, we were speaking recently and he said before next round of Covid returns and when energy prices go through the roof, he's planning to build an underground bunker. I laughed as thought he was joking. He wasn't. Apparently there are plans you can draw up. I've known him many years, never heard him speak this way.

I remember threads on here a few years back when it was frowned upon and thought weird if you didn't watch the news daily...

@Wouldloveanother " emotional vampire "! Love that !!

He's bored.

Encourage him to take up downhill cycling, sailing or something with an element of danger. He'll be less inclined to create drama out of the mundane.

This is what my husband is like. We are in a very good position financially - both earning very well, saving loads etc - but he's never comfortable, and seems particularly sensitive to suggestions that we're doing OK, that we should be pleased about the money situation etc - he seems to think that only constant vigilance can keep us safe. It's not rational - it's as if he's worried I'm going to lose the run of myself and start buying diamonds or something, but I'm more frugal than him! Whenever he goes the shopping it's about 50% more expensive than him. "I was just thinking it's ages since we had a nice steak" yeah no shit, it's about 30 quid a kilo now, that's why

Why don’t you tell him he is right, tell him to get a second job/ side hustle to pay off the loans and mortgage then he will be too busy to whine and give you some peace and he is being productive as well.

I kind of get where he’s coming from. I listen to the BBC radio news a lot (even though I don’t live in the U.K.) and I find myself thinking of all the ways I should cut down, where we can save and feel the doom sinking in.
I have to give myself a shake and remind myself that firstly I live in Aus and our bills aren’t bad at all, we have perfectly ok income and savings and also plenty of things we could cut down on if we really had to.
But the relentless doom on the news does influence you.
It’s funny, we visited the U.K. recently and having listened to and read the news I was imagining it would be like the 1980s, all depressed and awful but in fact it seemed very lively - restaurants and attractions were busy even on weeknights and it all seemed fine. Yes, more shops were closed but I assumed that was more to do with the double whammy of internet shopping and covid hangover.

Sit him down, remind him of the facts of your personal circumstances, and tell him he is spoiling your pregnancy and you don’t want to hear any more of it.
Mine isn’t doom mongering over this but has done this type of thing and I refuse to indulge it. I deal with the money, though - I doubt he knows how much we have left to pay on the mortgage for example.
I would not let him carry on like this if it’s spoiling your pregnancy and I certainly would not let him tell me that I am giving up my job, hell no.

YABU. Although I agree he could cut back on so much news consumption.

From the way you have described yourself in the OP, you are exactly the sort of family that are fine but lack the cushion for an economic shock. (You, and almost every other working family).

And it sounds like you don’t take that very seriously. Which must be stressful to live with.