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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you’d expect more food at this wedding?

334 replies

Avelora · 06/08/2022 18:03

We’re getting married next month and starting to have a panic that we aren’t providing enough food. Ceremony is at 2.30, so everyone will be arriving at the reception between 3.30-4 ish. We’re having a bbq starting at around 5pm

Bbq foods are as follows, and each person can have one of every item if they want to
Burgers
Hot dogs
Chicken skewers
Prawn skewers
Veggie/vegan options
Chips
Salad, coleslaw, potato salad etc

We've also got a cheese table with various choices, crackers, pork pies etc and a dessert table with cakes, brownies and donuts which are both coming out at about 8.30pm

Would you then expect another substantial food option with the cheese and snacks table, such as hot food or a buffet or something!? We're expecting the bbq to be done with by around 6.30, but they can keep going as long as we want them to, and the venue closes at 12pm.

*Edited by MNHQ for clarity.

OP posts:
teezletangler · 07/08/2022 18:45

This is tons of food.

Burgers
Hot dogs
Chicken skewers
Prawn skewers
Veggie/vegan options

If you have 100 guests and there is enough for everyone to have 1 of each of the following, then that is 500 main items plus sides and salads. That is a massive BBQ and tbh you will probably have food left over. People are often so busy socializing, dancing etc at wedding that they eat less than you think. And yes some people will eat 3 burgers but some might only eat 2 prawn skewers so it will all even out.

MrsMcG04 · 07/08/2022 19:06

Looking back, I wish I didn't worry about this so much at my own wedding (around the same timings). Barely anyone ate after dinner and we went home with so many left overs including almost all the wedding cake. They're adults- they have most likely had breakfast and lunch at home before even attending your ceremony and they won't starve if they don't have more than a dinner and evening snack, especially if they're drunk they probably won't even notice that cheese table lol

Firefly83 · 07/08/2022 19:08

@Avelora What happens if your guests don't eat lunch before your ceremony? Will many of your guests be travelling to venue in the hours beforehand and not grab something to eat, or at least think they are going to be fed at your wedding reception.
Have you informed guest of your bbq plans of 1 of each item?

Blueink · 07/08/2022 19:21

That’s loads of food…

Justkeepsmilingx · 07/08/2022 19:39

Have only read a few answers so excuse me if someone has said the same….we went to a 50th birthday last night that had similar style food - I didn’t hear anyone say they were hungry and I was definitely full - for info as a guide we had….. (caterers cooked it and served us, everyone went up and then went back if you wanted to do sounds similar to your plan….

basket of hot dog rolls - help yourself
basket of burger rolls - help yourself
big trays of salad - help yourself
cheese slices - help yourself

then served….
huge sliced tomatoes with mozzarella
burger
sausage
steak chop kind of thing
rib
chicken leg

then help yourself to sauces etc.

then when everyone had done they brought out a pudding table and we helped ourselves to….

two big cheesecakes
two big Victoria sponge cakes
bowl of raspberries
bowl of strawberries
Bowls of sweets like haribo type things

it was plenty and a lovely relaxed less formal night.

Have a great day ! It will be perfect x

diddl · 07/08/2022 19:55

Are people likely to have eaten lunch before they arrive?

If not they'll be wanting to eat asap!

midlifecrash · 07/08/2022 19:58

You sound so lovely putting so much thought into it. Veggie options sound great. I know you can’t go back to savoury but you could think of it as a cheese course - that usually comes after pudding… but do what you like it’s your bloody wedding hope you have a great time

Londoncallingme · 07/08/2022 20:08

It sounds fine to me. Can you have platters of gold snacks left out for those who want them later? Crisps, cheese, olives, baguette slices etc?

latetothefisting · 07/08/2022 20:08

Am I missing something or is it just the MN usual complete lack of reading comprehension? All the posts suggesting you put out the cheese/crackers/desserts at 8.30pm-9ish - but you are already doing that? In which case I think everything you've said is absolutely fine and DEFINITELY don't need more food, assuming people will have already eaten breakfast and lunch before the wedding, then multiple main options (whereas surely usually you'd just have A burger or A hotdog, or chicken, not all 3, so already more than a usual day's food, plus substantial snacks 2 hours later).

The only thing I'd suggest is maybe bringing the dessert table out sooner, because often people might expect something sweet immediately after the main meal, rather than later at night (and it's the sort of food that won't go off if you leave it out), but it's hardly a huge issue.

Roco11 · 07/08/2022 20:10

People are going to watch you get married and share your joy if they are bothered about food they are not true friends.
Congratulations and enjoy your special day ❤️

Justkeepsmilingx · 07/08/2022 20:18

Just read some more posts.

Generally if you go to a wedding you are given the good and eat it - no other options or masses of extras just incase. If it’s a sit down meal you get what’s in the plate and eat or leave it. I don’t think you should need to worry whether or not people would normally choose that food - what you have sounds plenty - the servers will ensure everyone gets one thing of each variety - and then may announce you can go for seconds ….. then people can have another burger if they want.

Honestly - don’t worry - going to a wedding meal isn’t the same as going to a restaurant and choosing for yourself - it’s a free offer to them to celebrate with you, just go with what you feel and are guided by the people catering who will have an idea of what is best.

That said - I love the idea of baskets of bags of crisps - perfect if you are worried.

Just enjoy your day - it’s for you to be happy not worried about others.

Justkeepsmilingx · 07/08/2022 20:22

Avelora · 06/08/2022 20:39

@Signoramarella I certainly wouldn’t have thought anyone could say we are being mean or tight! We’ve spent more on food than we have on anything else, but we don’t have an unlimited budget unfortunately

You aren’t tight. It’s plenty.
Cant understand why people think you’d have bbq, then later sweets, then half an hour later have pizza - who does that ?! It’s different if you ate at 2pm - but not when eating at tea time.

You've catered for everyone and it sounds lovely.

Clarinet1 · 07/08/2022 20:33

It sounds great to me. At these kind of dos (not specifically weddings but parties etc) I usually find that thinking everyone will want a full portion of everything results in massive over-catering. In fact some people won’t like one thing but will take extra of something else whereas some people will take a
much smaller portion than you expect of something so it all balances out. As you have provided for most dietary needs and allowed for those who want seconds etc I’d say you’re well set. Have a lovely day!

Pinkfluff76 · 07/08/2022 20:49

That’s loads of food. People are not each going to have a hot dog and a burger and and and. To all those saying what happens if one person has two burgers… well some people will just have one of something so it’ll likely all even out.

simpledeer · 07/08/2022 20:56

A BBQ in September might be optimistic, but I guess our weather is changing <<misses point of thread entirely>>

VerbenaGirl · 07/08/2022 20:57

Sounds good to me.

Sunshineandbrighterdays · 07/08/2022 21:21

Justkeepsmilingx · 07/08/2022 20:18

Just read some more posts.

Generally if you go to a wedding you are given the good and eat it - no other options or masses of extras just incase. If it’s a sit down meal you get what’s in the plate and eat or leave it. I don’t think you should need to worry whether or not people would normally choose that food - what you have sounds plenty - the servers will ensure everyone gets one thing of each variety - and then may announce you can go for seconds ….. then people can have another burger if they want.

Honestly - don’t worry - going to a wedding meal isn’t the same as going to a restaurant and choosing for yourself - it’s a free offer to them to celebrate with you, just go with what you feel and are guided by the people catering who will have an idea of what is best.

That said - I love the idea of baskets of bags of crisps - perfect if you are worried.

Just enjoy your day - it’s for you to be happy not worried about others.

Absolutely this! The vast majority of weddings I've been to have one (maybe two) options for meat eaters and one veggie option, which has to be selected in advance. I've also been to a wedding with a BBQ where you had to choose only one thing, plus a few sides. They had the exact amount of plates for the number of guests and you were allowed to go up to the BBQ once. Wedding catering costs a fortune and you are being very generous with what you are offering. You do not need more! And I say this as a veggie - you have many options, all of which sound fantastic.
As for the suggestion that people might not have eaten lunch, I would say that's very much their problem! It's pretty obvious you will need to eat something beforehand if the ceremony isn't starting until 2.30. That's way after lunchtime in the UK!

loopylum · 07/08/2022 21:38

Tbf if anyone can have any amount of food they like then it's not really clear what your AIBU is? As if everyone can have 4 burgers then that is way more than enough food.

Mfsf · 07/08/2022 21:39

Does the bbq also have a salad table or sides table ? Personally I would had a dessert table after the bbq too

stuntbubbles · 07/08/2022 22:18

Mfsf · 07/08/2022 21:39

Does the bbq also have a salad table or sides table ? Personally I would had a dessert table after the bbq too

This is all right there in the OP! Don’t even need to RTFT, just the opening post.

THEDEACON · 08/08/2022 00:12

It's plenty

Hawkins001 · 08/08/2022 00:21

Jacket potatoes.

All the best op

Kite22 · 08/08/2022 00:26

That is masses of food.

I would potentially not bring out the cheese and sweets until later..... 9.30 maybe ?
The amount of food you are offering for the BBQ is huge. I'd need a bigger gap before cheese and sweets were announced. that then takes people through until the end of the do, and plenty to soak up alcohol later.

AnTeallach · 08/08/2022 00:51

I agree with pp upthread regarding veggies/vegans. I'm vegetarian and at two recent wedding do's have ended up hungry. There was plenty for meat eaters, but they also seemed to pile up their plates with the limited amount of veggie food, leaving almost nothing for vegetarians. So keep some aside for those with more limited options!

BarbaraofSeville · 08/08/2022 02:49

But they need to make more vegetarian food. Much more. Meat eaters eat cheese, eggs and vegetables too.

Too many caterers seem to forget this and think that meat eaters want five different types of processed meat and aren't going to look for a falafel, some halloumi, a cheese sandwich or onion bhaji.