holding and kissing baby without asking

[Tellmewhyaintnothingbutacheesecake]

currently on holiday with DH, DC and my DH’s family. We just got her and will stay together in the same hotel for the next 7 days. A bunch of activities have been book for our DC.

SIL came over from abroad with her DC and DH so it’s a major family event. We are not friends but we’ve got a polite relationship when she’s around. My DH is not very close to his family anyway and we live 5 hours drive from his parents and other siblings.

I had a baby 3 months ago and of course baby is here with us. Sleeping or on the breast most of the time but whenever our baby is “available” ie in the pram my SIL gets him and starts kissing his cheeks and blowing raspberries on his face. I’m not sure if I’m being over protective but it bothers me her mouth all over my baby’s face. No, I don’t want her germs to strength his immunity. No, I’m not a germophobic either I just think this is plain gross and in inappropriate to kiss someone else’s baby all over. I would never do this to her children if they were babies and my husband certainly would never either.

so I just need to few tips on how to make her stop without causing a scene. My MIL of course will side with her and she’s a very rude woman who wouldn’t think twice before humiliating anyone in front of everybody else. I saw her making my BIL’s wife crying once so I need to deal with them without causing a massive drama.

any advice very welcome! Also ready to be told IABU and she can do whatever she wants.

Do you not have an earlier thread on this?

Isn't she your dc's auntie? Does that really need permission to engage with your dc?

Also ready to be told IABU and she can do whatever she wants.

That's just manipulative.

Anyone voting YABU to be bothered by your baby's aunt kissing his face, isn't going to be thinking 'she can do whatever she wants' 🙄

Of course she doesn’t need permission to engage but I would really appreciate if she stops kissing and blowing raspberries all over his face. Yes she’s his auntie which btw has no relationship with us since we live in different continents.

urgh this would do my head in. I would just say ca you please stop doing that, I appreciate you want to cuddle the baby but it would be nice if you could ask first, and avoid kissing all over babies face!

I'm close to my sister, but she would never pick my baby up and start kissing them all over without asking. And I would never do that to hers either!

This annoys me too! My sil does it all the time. I politely asked her to stop. I explained that I loved seeing then interact but I wasn’t comfortable with the kissing. She became quite angry but dh supported my decision. She was a bit moody for a few days but soon got over it. I did explain it as if you’re not kissing and blowing raspberries on me then don’t do it to my baby 😂
It’s your baby, you are allowed to decide on the boundaries!

I’d agree a plan with your DH where you disrupt this; saying I wouldn’t do that baby’s just had a feed and might be sick on you/the other day when I did that the baby was sick on my face type comment often works in my experience. Or as soon as it happens take baby off her and say the baby is a bit unsettled/needs to sleep etc
Ive just been on holiday with my family including a baby and it never would occur to me to take the baby out of a pram and kiss it’s face

Regardless of the familial link, you don't know this woman well so she is hugely overstepping the mark.
I'd take your baby back to your room and stay there so sil doesn't get the chance until she learns to ask first.

How do you wish her to form a relationship with your dc? A hand shake is a bit formal.

If baby is happy in his pram laying there, just say not now

Also you can ask her to stop blowing raspberries on baby's face
Someone constantly doing rant to my babies would have flared up their eczema so I'd have stopped them straight away. No one tried to though! Raspberries are for tummies ...or little feet 🦶

This.

But take a deep breath or something, it won’t actually do him any harm. Extended family holidays are a PITA and things easily escalate. Skip it next time.

There's obviously a family backstory here, your DH is not close to his family and the way you describe them you obviously don't like them much either. Yet this woman, your baby's aunty, clearly adores him! She might live far away but that hasn't stopped her wanting to make a fuss of her nephew.
Just a polite "we don't want people to kiss/blow raspberries on his face but he loves a cuddle" should make the point.
Then try to enjoy the family holiday, maybe the week will strengthen relationships.

Are your family allowed to kiss your baby?
You talk about his family in quite a cold way, do you realise that?
How does your Dh feel about his family kissing his child? Is he upset by it?

Are other family members allowed to show affection to baby?

I don't let my own family kiss my babies face. When my sister tried I just said firmly no kissing he's face please. I remind them frequently. They all make jokes but I don't care. They can interact with him in other ways without covering him in kisses. Now he's older (1) they can kiss the top of he's head goodbye.

my family never blowed raspberries or kissed the baby. I’ve never blowed a raspberry is his face either.

Permission to pick up a baby?

I'm the one who lived far away from my family and when I visited they'd all be holding ds.

So much so I could have long baths, go for a walk, went for a swim with my cousins when my aunties forgot we were there as ds was so interesting 🤣 (we did ask!)

I never realised until MN how in the minority I was to love others fussing over ds so I could have a break

There are other ways to show your affection towards a baby that doesn’t include your body fluids all over his face. What’s wrong with a cuddle or a kiss in the head?

This would annoy me a lot. Have you a babysling/carrier? If so I would put baby in there, tie her on and baby wear for the duration........actually I did that with my two anyway lol but I would even more so in the situ you are currently in. Cuddles are fine, breathing all over baby and picking up baby without asking - nope. I wouldnt even do that with a grandchild of my own.

Kissing the baby aside, why on earth have you gone on this holiday? Sounds like nobody even likes each other.

Just say 'oh we don't like people to (blow raspberries on him)' next time. They won't know if you don't tell them.

That’s a great idea! I don’t have a sling with me atm but we’ll do a bit of sight seeing on Monday so I’ll definitely try to find and buy one.