DH 51 - what level of cycling / exercise is too much?

[sportswife]

As someone who just does Pilates and the odd jog, I am fully prepared to accept my perspective may be a bit limited. But is this 'normal' for a man now in his early 50s -

• Cycling probably 200-300 miles per week, inc going out at 5am
• In the gym or similar nearly every day
• martial arts basically all Saturday and possibly a half day in the week as well
• boxing training one afternoon or evening per week, sometimes more
• eats foods in a certain order

Wouid you be concerned about this? Also he does a 'big' bike ride at least once a year too eg. London to Malaga. There are other competitions and more sporadic activities he does too and even when he's on holiday, he literally can't sit still and goes diving, windsurfing or rock climbing or paragliding whatever he can possibly find on offer in the area.

I think there's a fine line between healthy and obsessive and am worried he may be crossing it and what to do if so?

What’s the alternative, realistically? Are you going to tell him to stop doing what he loves? I suspect not, and if you are, it will inevitable go down very badly.

If his body and wallet can take it, why shouldn’t he?

Put some of your own requests for his time in too for going out or doing stuff with the family. If you've kids at home that need looking after when don you get your down time ?

When does he have time for anything else?

Does he have to fit in a f/t job around that lot?

He does sound unhealthily fixated on exercise.

Does he eat a normal range of foods, even if they are in a particular order?

Can he cope without exercising for a couple of days if you want to go away for the weekend?

Does it disrupt your life?

I have various friends and family who do crazy amounts of exercise but they are delighted to eat a massive plate of pasta and garlic bread, or a trifle or chocolate cake or ice cream. They aren't also combining obsessive performance improvement with obsessively minimising calories or anything. That seems to me the balance that saves it from being a pathological issue.

Has he always been this ax to be? If so, and he still feels well and capable of doing it then I don’t think it’s concerning. Some people seem to be wired to want to be incredibly active all the time - just look at professional athletes.

Ducksinthebath - what I mean is, people are very aware of teens doing too much exercise or becoming fixated about diets. But if its a middle- aged person, nobody seems to question it. I wouldn't say he is diet-obsessed to be fair, but he does take on board things friends tell him which sound a bit "faddy" to me. And he has protein powders and food / vitamin supplements and this kind of thing. It's not about me stopping him doing anything, but more wondering if it's healthy or too much at his age?

This is my husband.

If I'm honest I find it threatening because I'm naturally a bit lazy and I suspect he judges me for not being active all day long like him.

I wish I had the time!

Is the cycling his commute? (It's still lot)
I also want to do sports on holiday.

I'm not fussy about food. That does make hiim sound a little obsessive.

Sounds normal to me, for the fit people I know.
I mean, if you break it down, 200 to 300 miles a week on the bike might only be a 20 or 25-mile commute each day to work, and then the boxing, gym and martial arts for cross training.

You say even when he's on holiday, he literally can't sit still and goes diving, windsurfing or rock climbing or paragliding whatever he can possibly find on offer in the area
Again, very normal for runners/cyclists etc. I can't imagine "sitting still" on holiday. We walk, climb, cycle run and swim every day on holiday because it's what we like doing as a family. So a normal day on holiday might be a long bike ride or watersports with the kids, and our own run training as well.

So no, I don't think he's obsessive or unhealthy, I think this is reasonable and v normal for a fit person.

Sounds similar to my friend who is 48
He does 40 mins on a turbo trainer am and pm
Plus weights, mud runs, cycle stuff, half marathons etc

My colleague is a similar age, commutes in via bike, 50 miles w day. Then does long (60-100 miles at the weekend)

It sounds pretty obsessive to me. It's become his no. 1 priority. Does he get anxious or irritable if he misses one or two sessions? If so, it's getting a bit out of hand

The above should've read each way to work, not each day...

Do you feel threatened? Why?
Or do you want him home more often? Why?
Or are you worried that this obsession is extreme and compulsive?

No he doesn't limit calories and he eats pretty much anything. So yes, that's a very good sign. But he does go on about supplements and buys things from the internet.

He would get angsty though if a day passes and he hasn't done anything.

He does still work but he works for himself so I couldn't really say what his hours are these days. He used to be a workaholic in retrospect, (possibly still is) but now I think he's shifting that energy into the fitness which is possibly why I'm a bit concerned.

I completely and utterly disagree with @fellrunner85, severely. I don't think it's normal at all. If someone can't sit still, do they have ADHD? It's a balance of fitness and relaxing.

Depends whether it's at the expense of time with you I think. Does he spend any time with you? Would you like him to spend more time with you? I think it is a lot of time out of the house for a married person. Is he also a dad? Is it at the expense of parenting?

You severely disagree with me?! Amazing.

I mean, I can sit still. I sit still in an office for hours every day. But I love being active so when I get time off work, that's what I like to do. The kids love it too and love getting out and about.

I don't judge people who want to spend a holiday sitting on a sun lounger, it's just not my idea of fun. Just as running up hills wouldn't be their idea of fun. And that's fine. It doesn't mean I have ADHD 🤣 and tbh that's rather offensive to people who do.

No the cycling is not a commute as he works wherever or from home. A normal bike ride for him would be at least 100 miles. Even when it was 40C in London the other week and on the news they were advising people to stay in, he still went out on the bike for hours, even though I was texting him to come back because I was worried. But he said he didn't get the texts and it was fine because he's cycled in worse temperatures up mountains. Personally, I can't see any need to cycle in high temperatures like that and I think it's a risk.

I have a husband like this. If he doesn't exercise every day, he starts to feel out of control and anxious.

We have been together 20 years and in that time I have managed to get him to understand that he exercises excessively and that it is essentially bad for him physically and mentally.

I accept he will never change but I have also got better at putting my foot down if he is I'll/injured or I would like him to be available to come to an event.

I know a couple of men, 51 and 50, the same! They get a buzz out of it!

It sounds normal to me, but I don't have kids.

Does his training get in the way of you spending time as a family, is parenting left to you a lot are the only q's I would be asking.

Getting up at 5am is a great way to get your exercise done & dusted early so you can do other things with your day. I wouldn't be worried about that.

I mean, realistically what are you going to do if you feel it's too much?

My dad is similar, very exercise obsessed and got very antsy when he fell and hit his head a while ago and the doctor told him he wasn't allowed to run for two weeks.

I feel there are worse addictions and one day he won't be able to do it anymore, so as long as it doesn't interfere with his work or your marriage, let him crack on with it. I'd rather have an exercise-obsessed husband than one who spent his free time drinking or watching football.

I think having an exercise addiction is perfectly possible (Joe Wicks often talks about it) and I think here he probably has

I am not sure where that amount of hours sounds normal!

hes an addict isn’t he - but to be honest if all the things he could be addicted to this is probably the least harmful …though it’s getting in the way of family time etc etc.