DH 51 - what level of cycling / exercise is too much?

[sportswife]

As someone who just does Pilates and the odd jog, I am fully prepared to accept my perspective may be a bit limited. But is this 'normal' for a man now in his early 50s -

• Cycling probably 200-300 miles per week, inc going out at 5am
• In the gym or similar nearly every day
• martial arts basically all Saturday and possibly a half day in the week as well
• boxing training one afternoon or evening per week, sometimes more
• eats foods in a certain order

Wouid you be concerned about this? Also he does a 'big' bike ride at least once a year too eg. London to Malaga. There are other competitions and more sporadic activities he does too and even when he's on holiday, he literally can't sit still and goes diving, windsurfing or rock climbing or paragliding whatever he can possibly find on offer in the area.

I think there's a fine line between healthy and obsessive and am worried he may be crossing it and what to do if so?

I don't think it's particularly helpful to be scaremongering about extreme exercise induced heart issues on a thread like this, where the OP is clearly worried, but nothing in their description of his activity sounds like truly extreme exercise.

I know a lot of non-obsessive, moderate type cyclists who easily rack up over 300 miles / week, alongside other active hobbies. It's surprisingly easy to hit that sort of mileage on a bike (apparently - it's not my thing!). I'd be concerned if he was pushing himself to extremes to make times, or rapidly increasing his speeds / distances, but if he's working fairly consistently and taking rest days, there's no reason to be overly concerned.

As for the ADHD comment upthread, I despair 🙄

My dad is 76 years old and walks Miles and miles every day, plus goes to badminton and tennis several times a week. He’s fit as a fiddle. He’s always been super fit but it’s always been cos he’s terrified of dying and so does everything ‘right’ ie loads of exercise, supplements, eats really healthy etc

to be fair, when he caught covid a few weeks ago my mum ended up hospitalised with it and he had nothing other than a tiny cold and carried out with his life entirely normally. So maybe this way is the right way after all!

Do you and the family ever see him. ? X

OP, your DH is in the deep throes of a midlife crisis. Be glad it's not red car and a hot 25yo he wants.

If he's not neglecting some family duty, leave him to it.

I think this is the crux of the issue. If the OP is a 'sports widow' who never sees her DP for any meaningful family/personal time then he probably needs to rebalance his time.

I am a member of rowing club, there is a lot of cross over between rowing and cycling and we have some members who will rattle out 15-20km on the water first thing on a Saturday morning before jumping on a bike and knocking out another 80+ km on the road. They are gone most of the day and I always wonder how they hold a healthy relationship together.

DH is in the deep throes of a midlife crisis.

Sounds like the OPs fella has been putting in this volume of exercise for years. Middle aged blokes who suddenly decide to get fit do not have the ability to bang out 300 miles a week on a bike.

Anyway, why is that an out of shape bloke in his 40/50s who for whatever reason decides to get fit is described as having a midlife crisis?? Surely it is good thing???

I know I’m going against the grain here, but this sounds obsessive. The sudden interest in weighing himself, the losing weight and the “buying things off the internet” sort of sealed the deal for me in this respect.
It sounds like a healthy mid-life crisis but one that can’t be much fun for you. When do you go out for coffees and to browse the shampoos in Boots together?

To do 300 per week, he is looking at the very least 15 hours of riding plus all the other stuff.
If in a hilly area, that would be 20hrs.

Now i'm a keen cyclist but thats a lot and there def is evidence of heart issues with extreme endurance sport.

However, if he wants to improve, then he needs to rest too, 1 in 3 or 1 in 4 rest weeks, that will also lower the stresses on the heart.

When do you go out for coffees and to browse the shampoos in Boots together?

Is this deemed quality couples time these days? What do you do when you really want to push the boat out, look at the sock multipacks down M&S?

OP doesn't say it's a new or recent obsession though. If he can regularly go for 100 mile bike rides, this isn't a hobby he's only just started up.

She also says she's not worried about family time as they still have plenty of time to spend together.

I have to admit I was thinking the same thing @DillonPanthersTexas

Unusual yes, but not extreme in my opinion. The only concern should be if there is a history of certain conditions or diseased in the family, or if it is an excuse to avoid a share of domestic responsibilities.

I'm the active one in my family. Other people get terribly upset and think protein powder is 'drugs' and they whinge about various exercise myths, accusations of eating disorders and obsessions. Yes, enjoying sports is a mad obsession. What a culture we have where enjoying physical activity generates such rage in other family members.

I find it really amusing, as it's the laziest, most drunken family members who hate it the most. Says more about them.

It's perfectly normal in most cultures to be active. Only in ours is exercise viewed with suspicion and criticism.

Add up those hours exercising and he is doing at least 30/35hrs per week.

Thats extreme and more akin to a top amateur or even a professional.

The link with heart issues in endurance sport is not only genetic.

My 53 year old DH gets up at 445 every morning to exercise; either to swim, or twice a week he goes to a local personal trainer.

The difference is he doesn't have an activity that takes over the weekend. As he's getting up so early to exercise and is done by 7, it doesn't intrude into any family time.

I'm delighted that he's taking responsibility for his health and staying fit and healthy.

I exercise 4-5 times a week, I run, have a cross trainer in the house, and go to Pilates and play tennis at the weekend. (I'm 46 if that's relevant!)

We both have a use it or lose it attitude to health and I refuse to begin a slow slide into middle age! We are both extremely healthy and never sick.

If you're feeling short changed either by time with him or time to pursue your own interests, I can understand where you're coming from.

If you're just annoyed that he's being healthy I'd unpick why you feel threatened by that.

As a former competitive runner married to another one, it sounds normal / standard (for people who are really into their sport).

Yes it does sound a bit obsessive, especially as you mention he used to be similar with work. In itself it doesn't sound problematic- as in you don't feel it affects family life, but if he can't go without going for a cycle in the blazing heat or buying 'things' off the Internet those are more risky and I'd worry about that sort of behaviour. Exercising in excessive heat is no joke. Probably be worth him trying to address the underlying reason for his obsessive nature.

It becomes a problem when you never spend any time together, he doesn't do his share of household chores or he's spending more than his fair share of family money on his hobbies.

Do you feel like any of this applies? As long as money isn't an issue, I'd be more concerned that, after all this exercise, plus work and sleep, when does he find time to do things like cooking, cleaning, laundry, gardening, DIY etc and to do things like go out for meals or otherwise spending quality time together not browsing the shampoos in Boots?