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AIBU?

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Original poster

Heating and lodger

154 replies

HarryPotterDucks · 05/08/2022 23:58

Hello all.

With the massive bills with heating and electricity I don’t know how I’m going to survive over winter.

I have a lodger and obviously as he’s not paying the bills than he doesn’t care about reasonable saving of money.

However this has to be approached. I’m just a softie and probably a bit on the spectrum.

Would I be unreasonable to be strict about the heat?

My normal bills were £110 in the winter and already my DD is £70 per month, just for electricity.

Ive not put up his rent, which I maybe should. He’s paying £400pm at the moment.

OP posts:
DFOD · 07/08/2022 11:20

HarryPotterDucks · 07/08/2022 11:11

I understand what you mean. His personal space with furniture I provided… so if I decide to upgrade furniture it’s my choice.

Show quote history

Not sure about being picky with the desk - he signed a contract with what he saw - seems he is happy with that - are you expecting him to assemble it?

Often what happens when an issue isn’t dealt with is we look at lots of other things to justify our anger. I wouldn’t fight the battle of the desk.

I wouldn’t fester - I would do your prep and have a plan B to re-let if after informing him of a rent rise (alongside agreed limited / timer heating) he is unpleasant, uncooperative or gives notice.

Clear the air - in a calm assertive business like manner you will feel better for it.

KettrickenSmiled · 07/08/2022 11:23

It’s my house. Bills included. He’s said to me he’s paying my mortgage…. So I don’t think he respects me

Next time he says this, calmly inform him that he is wrong.
YOU are paying your mortgage. HE is paying to rent a room in your house.

If you feel that he does not respect you, & you are unable to even discuss the heating with him, or raise the amount you charge him, maybe it's time for you to find a new lodger, & him to go?

1VY · 07/08/2022 11:23

converseandjeans · 07/08/2022 08:26

I think he is paying your mortgage though & it seems like a cheap mortgage. At the end of the day he has nothing to show for it yet you will have a property paid off.

I would be annoyed if I was paying & had you hovering around telling me when I was allowed to do things. Yes costs have gone up but it's not his fault.

You may end up with nobody for a couple of months & that would be worse.

I would put up a little but I think you need to be careful he doesn't just go. However you don't seem to like him much so perhaps that would be a blessing.

How does he have nothing to show for it? He has accommodation - his own room and shared access to the other rooms such as kitchen and bathroom and all his bills paid.

Don’t you understand how renting works ? It’s a very common form of housing tenure across the world.

Original poster
HarryPotterDucks · 07/08/2022 11:24

DFOD · 07/08/2022 11:20

Not sure about being picky with the desk - he signed a contract with what he saw - seems he is happy with that - are you expecting him to assemble it?

Often what happens when an issue isn’t dealt with is we look at lots of other things to justify our anger. I wouldn’t fight the battle of the desk.

I wouldn’t fester - I would do your prep and have a plan B to re-let if after informing him of a rent rise (alongside agreed limited / timer heating) he is unpleasant, uncooperative or gives notice.

Clear the air - in a calm assertive business like manner you will feel better for it.

Show quote history

He wouldn’t let me put it up….

and if I want to upgrade furniture should I not be allowed?

OP posts:
Cherchezlaspice · 07/08/2022 11:32

Why do you care what desk he has in a room that he is using? Seriously?

Between that and the ‘he’s not paying my mortgage’, I’m not sure what you want from this post. Advice on how to move forward (which you’ve received and mostly not acknowledged) or odd nitpicky things to argue with people about? Like your right to upgrade desks. 😒

SwanBuster · 07/08/2022 11:35

Cherchezlaspice · 07/08/2022 11:32

Why do you care what desk he has in a room that he is using? Seriously?

Between that and the ‘he’s not paying my mortgage’, I’m not sure what you want from this post. Advice on how to move forward (which you’ve received and mostly not acknowledged) or odd nitpicky things to argue with people about? Like your right to upgrade desks. 😒

Yeah the more the OP posts I think

  • she’s not cut out for having a lodger - fussing over choosing the desk in the room he’s renting.

  • he’s not cut out for being one - stupid statements like he’s paying her mortgage.

Original poster
HarryPotterDucks · 07/08/2022 11:46

SwanBuster · 07/08/2022 11:35

Yeah the more the OP posts I think

  • she’s not cut out for having a lodger - fussing over choosing the desk in the room he’s renting.

  • he’s not cut out for being one - stupid statements like he’s paying her mortgage.

Show quote history

It’s my house, my rules. If I want to upgrade furniture, I can. I don’t expect to meet resistance from someone.

OP posts:
gogohmm · 07/08/2022 11:46

If costs have risen by £100 then £50 is reasonable then set the timer for the winter and ensure it can't be changed (obviously taken into account his work times.)

Cherchezlaspice · 07/08/2022 11:47

@SwanBuster I think that’s a fair assessment, tbh. Whole thing sounds like a headache.

doobydoobydooooo · 07/08/2022 11:48

I don't think he's the only difficult one to live with

Cherchezlaspice · 07/08/2022 11:48

HarryPotterDucks · 07/08/2022 11:46

It’s my house, my rules. If I want to upgrade furniture, I can. I don’t expect to meet resistance from someone.

Show quote history

This is exactly the sort of comment I was referring to. Fgs.

Original poster
HarryPotterDucks · 07/08/2022 11:51

Cherchezlaspice · 07/08/2022 11:48

This is exactly the sort of comment I was referring to. Fgs.

Show quote history

Because it’s my house…. It’s my responsibility, its my home.

OP posts:
Original poster
HarryPotterDucks · 07/08/2022 11:53

And had I been the lodger staying mu
Landlord wants to change my £20 ikea desk to one that’s stronger, bigger and more suited to working from home you would tell them to STFU.

OP posts:
blueluce85 · 07/08/2022 11:58

Yeah you definitely can't buy furniture after he has started to occupy the room and expect him to accept it.

But neither of you are cut out for lodging.

You think you are doing him a favour, but you are the one who needs a lodger to help with your bills

SwanBuster · 07/08/2022 11:59

HarryPotterDucks · 07/08/2022 11:53

And had I been the lodger staying mu
Landlord wants to change my £20 ikea desk to one that’s stronger, bigger and more suited to working from home you would tell them to STFU.

maybe yes! It depends on whether I liked the ikea desk and it suited me.

For some reason this reminds me of Bullseye where they used to pull out a speedboat on the ‘look what you could have one’ for the usually lumpenproletariat contestants.

All I could ever think about is ‘where the fuck are they going to put that?’

Cherchezlaspice · 07/08/2022 12:00

HarryPotterDucks · 07/08/2022 11:51

Because it’s my house…. It’s my responsibility, its my home.

Show quote history

What desk he chooses to work on doesn’t affect you in any conceivable way. The fact that it’s your house and your home doesn’t impact on that in any way. Yet, for some reason, you’ve fixated on it.

How is it relevant to how you move forward? Why are you obsessing about inconsequential nonsense?

Bubblebubblebah · 07/08/2022 12:03

Look, it's either your home your rule so you live by yourself or it's a compromise and working on respecting each other's boundaries. Which includes not demanding changes to furniture in his private space.

Either you are on a wind up here or you are not suitable for house share at all

KettrickenSmiled · 07/08/2022 12:12

I think he is paying your mortgage though & it seems like a cheap mortgage

What has the cost of OP's mortgage got to do with anything @converseandjeans?

He's her lodger, not her live-in b/f. Her mortgage is precisely none of his business. Or ours.

SwanBuster · 07/08/2022 12:29

KettrickenSmiled · 07/08/2022 12:12

I think he is paying your mortgage though & it seems like a cheap mortgage

What has the cost of OP's mortgage got to do with anything @converseandjeans?

He's her lodger, not her live-in b/f. Her mortgage is precisely none of his business. Or ours.

Agreed. The argument about paying the mortgage is such bullshit when it comes to renting in general.

The renter is paying for the use of the building. The landlord is attempting to extract a yield on the asset. It doesn’t matter if it’s mortgaged or not. The rental payment is a yield. All good.

however - I also think this absolutely applies the other way. Landlords have zero right to up the rent when the cost of their financing (mortgage interest rate) increases. Fuck all to do with the renter. If that part of the equation goes up, the Landlord can pay out of their own surplus income. If the place was unmortgaged there would be no ‘my costs have gone up bullshit’, so renters shouldn’t tolerate this crap.

Other utility bills in an ‘all inclusive’ arrangement- again, I’m back supporting the landlord. That is absolutely a cost that should be borne by the renter.

Trying20 · 07/08/2022 12:29

This reply has been withdrawn

This post has been withdrawn by the OP

converseandjeans · 07/08/2022 12:37

Ketricken

What has the cost of OP's mortgage got to do with anything @converseandjeans?

Because OP is trying to pass on rising costs to the lodger. It's none of his business yet he's expected to absorb half of the increase. That would be fair if he was a partner.

But he is technically paying her mortgage isn't he? OP needs him there to help pay it.

SwanBuster · 07/08/2022 12:53

converseandjeans · 07/08/2022 12:37

Ketricken

What has the cost of OP's mortgage got to do with anything @converseandjeans?

Because OP is trying to pass on rising costs to the lodger. It's none of his business yet he's expected to absorb half of the increase. That would be fair if he was a partner.

But he is technically paying her mortgage isn't he? OP needs him there to help pay it.

No - just because money is fungible, it does not mean he’s paying her mortgage!

He is paying for use of an asset she has secured by debt and partial equity.

she is paying the mortgage for the long term purchase of that asset.

she has every right to pass on costs related to consumption of energy, water and bills such as council tax. He has no ethical / moral reason to refuse those - they are perfectly reasonable. This is a consumption cost.

she has zero right to try and pass on increased costs of financing on the mortgage. She can ask, and he can - imho quite rightly - refuse. She can kick him out because of that, but she loses any moral high ground she might want to claim if that’s the reason.

KettrickenSmiled · 07/08/2022 12:56

converseandjeans · 07/08/2022 12:37

Ketricken

What has the cost of OP's mortgage got to do with anything @converseandjeans?

Because OP is trying to pass on rising costs to the lodger. It's none of his business yet he's expected to absorb half of the increase. That would be fair if he was a partner.

But he is technically paying her mortgage isn't he? OP needs him there to help pay it.

When costs rise, the costs of services as well as goods rise.
OP's heating & utility costs are rising. As the lodger is causing half of those utility costs, his rent has to refelct a portion of them.

Again - the lodger is not paying OP's mortgage. He is paying to rent a room. SHE is paying her mortgage. You have clearly got a bee in your bonnet about this.

SwanBuster · 07/08/2022 12:59

I’m probably the most anti ‘borrow to let landlord’ person you could ever meet, but I totally agree that the OP as live in landlord has every right to pass on increased utility costs. It’s plainly fair.

Original poster
HarryPotterDucks · 07/08/2022 14:14

blueluce85 · 07/08/2022 11:58

Yeah you definitely can't buy furniture after he has started to occupy the room and expect him to accept it.

But neither of you are cut out for lodging.

You think you are doing him a favour, but you are the one who needs a lodger to help with your bills

Yes I can. If I behind furniture needs replacing, I will do.

OP posts: