To be annoyed by people who are 'fine with anything'?

[CracklingJadeLightning]

DP is one of these people.

I am in charge of all decisions. It sounds great, but it really isn't. We're in the middle of renovations now, and I have to make every single decision on my own because DP is 'fine with anything'. It's the same with food where I am tasked with what to order because 'anything goes'. Same with holidays where I have to decide on the location/hotel/activities because DP is 'OK with whatever'.

I am not picky. In fact, I eat a much wider variety of food and have gone on much more varied holidays compared to DP so this isn't a reaction to a bad experience. And yes, we've talked but what usually happens when I say that I won't be making a decision is that nothing gets done and nothing gets chosen till I finally give up and pick something.

It's all really starting to annoy me these days.

Sounds awesome.

I’d do exactly as I pleased.

There was a thread on this yesterday op - maybe someone can link it. I'm with you. It's so annoying always having to be the 'manager'. I hate it when my DP can't be arsed to think about anything so I have to always take on the mental load

Oh yes and those, when you ask how they like their tea ‘as it comes!’ Wtf. Have you no discernment whatsoever?

And the worst - ‘would you like a drink?’ Answer: ‘I don’t mind’ ahhh it’s a yes or no answer!

Have a bloody mind if your own and make a decision ffs.

Yanbu.

Could u give them just a dry teabag in a cup

I fear I am one of those people to an extent. I’m happy to provide suggestions but then picking between them is not my forte. I really am fine with anything.

I think it partly stems from a previous relationship where whenever I chose the restaurant/hotel/destination it would be all wrong and they’d mutter and grumble and nitpick the whole time. It’s made me anxious to choose.

Yes, I saw that thread was it the 'I don't mind' or something?

DH is a bit like this and I don't mind that much, but very occasionally he doesn't like the decision I made and he's moaning. But I just say he should have had some input.

YANBU. My DP is like this. Winds me right up. I do the online food shop, renovation plans, decorating etc. As well as general life admin like cleaning, washing, decluttering, looking after 6yo DS the majority of the days

Granted I only work 2 days a week (DP does shift work FT) so I understand that I will probably do a few more things around the house, but it's starting to take the piss a bit. It's not that I think he's lazy per se, it's more the fact he seems to just not really care that much. But I do care! That's what annoys me. I know I should probably learn to relax a bit more, but I can't stand clutter and mess around me. Just puts me on edge, so I end up just doing it all. Same with deciding on what food to buy, so I just end up doing it as his response is always 🤷‍♂️

Could u give them just a dry teabag in a cup
It wouldn't be a drink then.

No one mentioned a drink just how do u like ur tea.... as it comes, well it comes in a bag ?

Ah I must've missed that thread! Just made this one as there was a particularly frustrating incident yesterday where 'fine with anything' DP wasn't in the mood for Japanese food, wasn't in the mood for fish and chips, all the way till 8pm where we still hadn't eaten yet as he was 'fine with anything' but apparently not fine with whatever I suggested!

Sometimes it feels like he knows what he doesn't want but doesn't know what he does want, if that makes sense.

Can you have a chat with DP and ask/work out why he does this?

Reasons I can think of - underconfident, lazy, people pleaser/doesn’t want to take responsibility if it’s a wrong decision. Childhood experiences. I’m sure there are others.

If you can drill down to the reason/s, it might make it easier to accept. Or give you the tools to make him start being more of an adult.

I’m terrible at making decisions and following through. But I now realise that’s because my STBXH has bullied me in the past to agree with his decisions, so he can always say it was our decisions. I’m certainly not implying this in your case, just that if you know the reason, it’s easier to find the remedy.

Whatever happens, please keep making the decisions that you want to make. You deserve that at least.

No one mentioned a drink just how do u like ur tea.... as it comes, well it comes in a bag ?
That just being awkward.
When people are saying they dont mind they are usually trying to be helpful or genuinely not minding if it is strong or weak, sweeten or not, just wet as in a cup of tea!

YY I get the takeaway 'fine with anything' except I know he hates fish and chips.

DH can be like this about most life decisions we need to joint make and it drives me crazy. It means I get the whole mental load. He uses the excuse it’s “because I’m fussy”, which isn’t entirely untrue, but is also an excuse to not engage.

Like I said, it’s yet more mental load! Did you ever see that amazing cartoon about it?

I am one of those people. I really don't mind where we eat or go or ...

I fail to get stressed about choices

“When people are saying they dont mind they are usually trying to be helpful or genuinely not minding if it is strong or weak, sweeten or not, just wet as in a cup of tea!”

I just refuse to believe that some people will ingest any old swill just to people-please. Surely nobody can equally enjoy a cup of tea weak as gnat’s piss with loads of sugar in and then the next time a strong builder’s tea with no sugar? There has got to be a preference surely?

What a complete mystery some people are!

I just refuse to believe that some people will ingest any old swill just to people-please. Surely nobody can equally enjoy a cup of tea weak as gnat’s piss with loads of sugar in and then the next time a strong builder’s tea with no sugar?There has got to be a preference surely?

I seriously have two colleagues like this, they are happy for what ever brew is put in front of them. Most colleagues make a medium strength tea or coffee so its not like a huge spectrum between gnats piss and heavily stewed builders..

oh, that one.

I now say, as regards food, tell me what you want, not what you dont want.
He understands.

When people are saying they dont mind they are usually trying to be helpful or genuinely not minding if it is strong or weak, sweeten or not, just wet as in a cup of tea!

I actually find it much more unhelpful as it's far easier to make them something they'd like than to make one I'd like only to have to worry if I made them something they hated.

Happened once when I only had Japanese green tea and rooibos tea in my tea cabinet. Asked if they'd be OK with green/rooibos or if they'd like water or juice instead, and they said they'd be fine with either. Made the green tea, and found out much later that they hated green but that they didn't want to impose by saying they wanted something else!

I do think some people say 'I don't mind' or 'I'm fine with anything' because they haven't got the confidence to say what they really want, or they don't want to be blamed if they make a decision and it's not great.

My husband does this and when I asked why he says I have better taste. I told him it's untrue and lazy and I'm sick of having to make all decisions.

I now don't bother asking him anything

You’d expect children to feel this sort of uncertainty, but not grown adults!

Yes, and yet they walk among us.

It might just be me but making the decision together is just part of being in a relationship. When they leave the decision to you every time, it feels like they've checked out and delegated all the boring household management to you.