To be annoyed by people who are 'fine with anything'?

[CracklingJadeLightning]

DP is one of these people.

I am in charge of all decisions. It sounds great, but it really isn't. We're in the middle of renovations now, and I have to make every single decision on my own because DP is 'fine with anything'. It's the same with food where I am tasked with what to order because 'anything goes'. Same with holidays where I have to decide on the location/hotel/activities because DP is 'OK with whatever'.

I am not picky. In fact, I eat a much wider variety of food and have gone on much more varied holidays compared to DP so this isn't a reaction to a bad experience. And yes, we've talked but what usually happens when I say that I won't be making a decision is that nothing gets done and nothing gets chosen till I finally give up and pick something.

It's all really starting to annoy me these days.

Based on your posts, you have two different issues going on. Both are irritaing:

1. He says "I don't mind" because then yo have to do all the work of making decisions re holidays etc. This is annoying because the process of making those decisions is also the process of doing all the work of booking, planning and researching said holidays.
2. I don't mind but actually DOES mind and has strong feelings eg re takeaway. So it's passive aggressive and extremely annoying.

For the first, there's not a lot you can do here because if you try to get "tough" and make him do it, you're the one who loses out. So I'd be inclined to treat both the same - do the work, but 100% refuse to engage with him in any way about a single detail and if he doesn't like it, tough. So book the holiday, choose the hotel, activities etc. Choose a takeaway and book it and if it's not what he wants, he can order his own.

My late husband used to send me mad with this . I didn’t mind making any decisions to do with the home or with holiday choices but hated having to decide what to eat every single evening !
‘What do you want to eat ?’ Answer , ‘anything’ .
Id then go through a whole list of things that he’d refuse. I’d then end up in the kitchen slamming doors and drawers shouting’ NOT ONLY DO YOU HAVE TO DO ANYTHING FOR HIM , you even have to think for him 🤷‍♀️.

Growing up I had a parent who would say, 'do you want to go to pizza hut or mcdonalds?' if I said pizza hut we'd end up at mcdonalds and vice versa. it was the same with every choice.

I get that it's annoying for others, but most of the time I have no strong opinions either way when given a choice, if the other person does, I'm happy to let them choose. And I'm probably unusual given the above childhood example, but I always feel some weird guilt if I choose imagining the other person/people would have preferred something else

It's a bit of an anxiety minefield, and one I'm working on, and it's definitely easier to push the decision making over to someone else!

I am like this too.

I think it comes (in my case) from being the youngest in the family. I never got a say on what we would watch on TV / eat / even what clothes I could wear was decided by other people well into my teens. It's a difficult habit to overcome. Fortunately I've married someone very decisive.

I think OP can have a chat with her DH and say something like "I know you are pretty easy going about most things but there are times where I really need your input when making a decision, for example if it costs a lot of money or requires a lot of planning such as booking a holiday. It's not fair for it all to fall on me."

Then when these situations arise say "this is one of those times where this ought be to a joint decision." I'm sure he can adapt to those sort of special situations even though he won't be able to change his day-to-day approach.

DH was like this over lampshades then didn't like the ones I bought. Then I said let's choose together and he just picked up boring ones

My MIL does this with every decision, then moans about whatever decision someone else made and/or sulks until the 'right' decision is made.

It drives me insane. Over the years I have learned that 1. She does not want to be the one to 'blame' if what she chose turns out not to be great, 2. She doesn't want to have to do any of the organising and expects that clearly whoever made the decision will be responsible for making it happen, 3. She wants to be seen by others as easy going. and 4. She really really wants us all to like the same things as her and if we 'chose' and it's exactly the same choice she would have made she can tell everyone how alike we are.

It's only recently that she's spoken to me about how passive aggressive and controlling FIL was (although she doesn't see it that way, she tells stories of him sulking for days over her making the wrong decision as though it's perfectly normal and quite amusing) so I think in her case it's partly a defence against this and partly behaviour she's learned from him.

That’s so annoying! Just say yes or no FFS!!