To not want people to refer to my colleagues as sex objects?

[PeterPomegranate]

I work for a fire & rescue service. So I have colleagues who are firefighters (I am not a firefighter myself).

When I mention where I work sometimes (more often than I expected) women will make some variation of a comment about ‘sexy firemen’, ‘firemen in wet uniform’, ‘can you set me up with a fireman’, yadda yadda yadda.

I feel really awkward when this happens. I don’t know whether to challenge it and point out that my colleagues are professionals and some of them are women!

I don’t though. If the opportunity arises to correct firemen as firefighters I do that. But the lusty comments just make me feel embarrassed. And I suspect I’d been seen as a killjoy / overly pious.

But it wouldn’t be acceptable to refer to sexy nurses these days. So why is this ok?

YABU - get a grip, it’s just a laugh
YANBU - in the year 2022 these comments are inappropriate

I think it would help if they stopped doing 'sexy shoots' for charity calendars and the like.

But YANBU anyway.

YANBU, but humans will be humans, & we so love to stereotype ...

‘can you set me up with a fireman’,
"Sure, Wendy's single at the moment, I'll arrange a blind date for the pair of you, have fun!"

just so you know: men literally don’t respect you any more or think you are any more chill or likeable when you resort to whatsbouttery or any form of ‘what if the roles were reversed!!?’

i don’t really care about their battles tbh, such as being called a ‘sexy fireman’ by a physically weaker sex with no history of violence or persecution towards men as a class. Women have plenty of their own battles to fight.

also ‘sexy nurse’ is still much a thing. Have you spoken to any nurses recently?!? My friend has had to deal with unwanted sexually advances in the workplace which was a) actually scary and b) posed a threat towards her. I can’t say a gaggle of middle aged women winking at an attractive fireman at a fire safety day is the same

The same goes for teachers or any other caring jobs on dating apps. I received messages repeatedly from men who wished I had ‘statutory raped’ they whilst they were at school, or various hot for teacher sick stuff. These men repeatedly contacted me on new profiles and sent me abuse when I didn’t reply favourably.

Are women doing the above to firemen?

Hm. Interesting point. I haven’t seen those kind calendars for sale for a while but maybe they still do exist. Pretty sure not official ones associated with an actual fire & rescue service. But I suppose if they exist at all it feeds into the stereotype.

I might try that.

One of the people who asked me to set me up with a sexy firefighter was a male (gay) former colleague.

I honestly think YABU. I don't know why you're offended on behalf of other people. Everybody knows they're dedicated professionals still.
And 'sexy nurse' is definitely still a thing.

Yeah I agree with @Suprima.

Do you say the same for older women?

Should they also be sexualised as a few pose for calendar girl style images once a year

Goodness knows I hope not! Of course the behaviour you describe is abhorrent. And yes much worse than ‘oy oy sexy fireman’ comments.

Also, I don’t think men will respect or like me better for my view and I don’t think I’d get that result posting on Mumsnet in any case …

Two wrongs don’t make a right though do they?

What Suprima said!

I don’t personally go around phwoaring at firemen etc but a lot of friends post that sort of thing on FB and I can’t get too worked up about it. Seeing how men talk to and about women still, in this day and age, all the disgusting porn that is easily available and has worked it’s way into their sex lives, the vile way that rape and murder victims are spoken about and treated by police, those WhatsApp messages and photos that have been all over the news, and the fact that women are still objectified and harassed day in day out from their preteens, I don’t give a shit about men being objectified to be honest. If they don’t like it, let them complain about it and see if they get called humourless clit-teases or frigid.

If you don’t like it because it detracts from your job then fair enough, say something to them at the time, but honestly there are bigger fish to fry in the battle for equality.

YANBU but people on here will be quick to contort themselves into saying this is ok, but objectifying women based on their job isn't ok of course

I think most people saying this sort of stuff are actually thinking of fireman-themed strippers. Yanbu. “Sexy nurse” is another one that grates.

What suprima said.

You're doing the equivalent of "but what about the diet coke ad!?" when women complain about sexual stereotyping in the media.

Am I? I’m describing actual comments that people make to me when I mention where I work. I’m not coming onto a thread about sexism towards nurses and suggesting my colleagues have it worse.

Not to minimise women's struggles, but I have a male friend who is in therapy from the abuse he suffered during a brief desperate stint as a butler in the buff when he needed money. Don't make the mistake of thinking there are no women out there that can inflict trauma on men even if it is less common. I believe not challenging attitudes like the ones OP posted directly leads to situations like his.

Having also worked for a fire and rescue service would recommend them seeing some of the firefighters and they'll soon change their mind I'm sure. In seriousness though passing comments I wouldn't be arsed about, I'm sure if they saw them in real life they wouldn't treat them like objects, if they do then that's when it gets weird. I'd point out though that more women than ever are firefighters now which is fantastic.

Nope, but you are clearly marking yourself out as someone who really cares about ‘man feelings’ in day to day life, when they really don’t need your defending or offence.

I don’t believe “phwooooh! he’s fit!” at a handsome fireman is even a comparable ‘wrong’ to the systematic sexualisation of women, particularly those in caring positions or the public services.

just so you know: men literally don’t respect you any more or think you are any more chill or likeable when you resort to whatsbouttery or any form of ‘what if the roles were reversed!!?’

Pass me a bucket.

Firemen aren't sexy.
I once saw a bloke standing on a roof, washing it with a hosepipe, and putting it between his legs, pretending it was his pee pee. Do firemen ever get that urge with their powerful hoses?

Do you say the same for older women?
Should they also be sexualised as a few pose for calendar girl style images once a year

I would definitely say if they don't want to be sexualised, it would help if they stopped doing sexualised calendars, yes.

So all women 55+ can be sexualised because a handful pose for calendars.

What a silly view

When I was at uni one of my friends dated a couple of firemen from the same station. Both of them had slept with prostitutes (seemed to be a thing at their station) and she said that they would go driving round in the fire engine to pull women. This was 25 years ago now though so hopefully things have changed.

How many serving firefighters actually create 'sexy' calendars?

I think the comments to you are fine, why can't they express that someone is more attractive to them if they have that profession? It's not like they're saying that firemen exist for the purposes of being sexy. But some jobs just are considered sexy. I have a friend who is in a band. He's a totally normal looking guy, it's so funny to me watching women who paid no attention to him all night throw themselves at him when his songs come on the radio or when they realise who he is.

It obviously wouldn't be fine to make these comments to the firemen themselves, or say anything unprofessional to them or whatever.

So all women 55+ can be sexualised because a handful pose for calendars.

Nope, but it would help if they stopped sexualising themselves by posing for sexualised photos/calendars.

You know this though because I've said it a couple of times.