To not want people to refer to my colleagues as sex objects?

32 replies

PeterPomegranate · 04/08/2022 13:33

I work for a fire & rescue service. So I have colleagues who are firefighters (I am not a firefighter myself).

When I mention where I work sometimes (more often than I expected) women will make some variation of a comment about ‘sexy firemen’, ‘firemen in wet uniform’, ‘can you set me up with a fireman’, yadda yadda yadda.

I feel really awkward when this happens. I don’t know whether to challenge it and point out that my colleagues are professionals and some of them are women!

I don’t though. If the opportunity arises to correct firemen as firefighters I do that. But the lusty comments just make me feel embarrassed. And I suspect I’d been seen as a killjoy / overly pious.

But it wouldn’t be acceptable to refer to sexy nurses these days. So why is this ok?

YABU - get a grip, it’s just a laugh
YANBU - in the year 2022 these comments are inappropriate

OP posts:

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 04/08/2022 15:38

Thatswhyimacat · 04/08/2022 13:59

Not to minimise women's struggles, but I have a male friend who is in therapy from the abuse he suffered during a brief desperate stint as a butler in the buff when he needed money. Don't make the mistake of thinking there are no women out there that can inflict trauma on men even if it is less common. I believe not challenging attitudes like the ones OP posted directly leads to situations like his.

You cannot be serious. How is a comment about firemen who are not even present be compared to abuse of a naked person that you’re literally paying to be in your presence?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 04/08/2022 15:42

What @Suprima said

Women giggling at a few “sexy fireman” puts them under no threat whatsoever and doesn’t affect their career prospects in any way.

KeyboardCat · 04/08/2022 15:45

I called my best friend a 'dildo' once, does that count?

Oh, no she wasn't a fireman :)

Carrieonmywaywardsun · 04/08/2022 15:53

yanbu, the same applies to nurses, secretaries etc who have sexualised roles. People are dicks

Lilithslove · 04/08/2022 16:23

Suprima · 04/08/2022 13:46

just so you know: men literally don’t respect you any more or think you are any more chill or likeable when you resort to whatsbouttery or any form of ‘what if the roles were reversed!!?’

i don’t really care about their battles tbh, such as being called a ‘sexy fireman’ by a physically weaker sex with no history of violence or persecution towards men as a class. Women have plenty of their own battles to fight.

also ‘sexy nurse’ is still much a thing. Have you spoken to any nurses recently?!? My friend has had to deal with unwanted sexually advances in the workplace which was a) actually scary and b) posed a threat towards her. I can’t say a gaggle of middle aged women winking at an attractive fireman at a fire safety day is the same

The same goes for teachers or any other caring jobs on dating apps. I received messages repeatedly from men who wished I had ‘statutory raped’ they whilst they were at school, or various hot for teacher sick stuff. These men repeatedly contacted me on new profiles and sent me abuse when I didn’t reply favourably.

Are women doing the above to firemen?

This confuses me. You've critised the op for whatabouterry but then the rest of your post is whatabouterry ...

PolishingCandles · 04/08/2022 16:39

To be fair, a few firemen turned up at my workplace to deal with a small fire a few weeks ago.
All of us women commented to each other that if we'd known, we would have put lippy on and done our hair.
Another commented that one of them was hotter than the fire they were dealing with.
Someone else commented that they were going to set fire to their garden shed for a repeat performance and could they attend half naked, thanks.
Along with the usual sliding up and down their poles etc.
It was all said in banter and the banter was returned.
Not one of us under 55 either.

EBearhug · 04/08/2022 18:17

I matched a fireman on OLD. He was very keen to mention this, and seemed a bit non-plussed that I wasn't that bothered. Sure, it's a good job, and we need people to do that, and part of the job means you have to be fit. But there are plenty of other jobs where that's true, too, and there is nothing about any of these jobs that means a man automatically has a decent personality. And this one didn't really.

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