To be really scared of menopause

[User112]

In my close extended family, one cousin had awful mental health issues for a few years around menopause time. It settled down after her periods stopped.

Similar situation with another - currently going through shit mental state. Suicidal etc

Another started having tremors in hands around menopause time. It never went away completely, but better now.

All these women are my first cousins (my mom’s sister’s children). Aibu to be really scared of menopause - I’m fast approaching 40

Agree it is a complete lottery. I had awful PMT, especially in the years before the menopause. When my periods finally started tapering all my PMT symptoms diminished and six months later everything was over except some insomnia, which recently resolved. No hot flushes. So for me the meno was mostly an improvement.

I have reasonable diet and exercise habits but they could be better. Average BMI. No HRT, but I would certainly have used it if I had felt the need. Good luck to you OP. I don’t think you are doomed by any means.

Of course menopause is also happening at the same time as middle age which for many people represents a decline in health, regardless of sex. Our life choices start to catch up with us.

Things like high blood pressure, aches and pains, memory loss could be caused by lots of things, it may just be an unfortunate coincidence that they start around peri-menopause and they may not resolve with HRT or when menopause is finished.

Without wanting to minimise anyone's experience I would caution against assuming everything unpleasant happening in 40s-50s is directly related to menopause... because it might blind women to exploring the possibility of other issues.

Can I ask which supplements you took/take and what your diet looked like? I have been in perimenopause for a few years. My GP has been useless and I just stopped going. I am unable to take HRT as I cannot take oestrogen for medical reasons and there is no "suitable" alternative. All I was offered was anti-depressants to help "take the edge off". 🤬 I had the coil fitted last year which has messed up my cycle - I still bleed every 7-10 weeks but only for a day, two at most and not heavy so I know I am not in menopause yet. I have night sweats sometimes and hot flushes have started in last couple of months. Crushing tiredness, lack of motivation, uncontrollable anger, pins and needles, insomnia and panic attacks are all commonplace now and I am unsure where to go for help. I am therefore trying to research what has worked for others in the hope I might get some relief.

What else is memory loss in your forties caused by?
There is no well documented decline in health in people in their forties, regardless of
sex. This is simply not true.

Oestrogen is protective in many ways, which is why women don’t start to experience the rates of morbidity (and potentially subsequent mortality) from many lifestyle diseases until they are post-menopausal.

Men and women in their forties, and especially peri/menopausal women are completely different creatures - your statement is broadbrush and not useful at all.

For years women have been told that we just have to get on with it, because physicians (men and women) have basically just ignored menopause, and women me health more broadly speaking.

40 is very young for lifestyle related conditions to generally rear their head,
so your statements about other things being the cause is very likely (in women) to be the exception and not the rule.

Women need to go the GP to get help with this, so no doubt, they will be able to undertake a proper investigation should they need to. But if you generally start feeling off-colour in your forties, it’s more than likely to be due to naturally changing endocrine status, not less.

I am peri-menopausal, I’m my late mid-forties, and have not been on HRT that long.

For me, the difference has been remarkable.

I for the mirena alongside oestrogel. The former to help with heavy periods (they started to get heavier although I
wasn’t bad compared to some people I know) and the oestrogel is good because you can initially experiment with the dose that you need to help you.

My biggest was Crushing anxiety (out of nowhere), it’s gone. The odd heart palpitation, gone. No longer waking at 3am unable to get back to sleep, gone. I really didn’t suffer with flushes, but feel better on that front too. Skin is way less itchy and irritations (on my face, in the absence of any other changes), gone.

I also take a red clover supplement (there is good evidence in the medical literature for this) and increase the amount of plant based food in diet (someone mentioned Zoe upthread - they recently did a big study with some great data).

Bear in mind though that red clover contains phyto oestrogens, which are plant oestrogen mimetics, so if you can’t take oestrogen (for whatever reason), this may not Suit you at all.

When you can make objective comparison and see that some symptoms of menopause are starting to negatively affect you.

If you are 45 or over, they don’t need to do blood work to look at hormones, and are advised against it.

If you have many symptoms of peri menopause AND it’s negatively affecting your life, your GP needs to consider this.

I think some people need to remember that symptoms aside, oestrogen supplementation in me on pause has been shown to be beneficial after the menopause in a range of ways (bone health being a prime example).

Don't be scared but DO get your shit together is great advice.

The more women approaching the perimenopause can take a proactive approach to their diet and fitness and wellbeing, the better. I'm so glad all this awareness and publicity hit when I was 45/46 and I started to think properly about it

What else is memory loss in your forties caused by?

Off the top of my head:
-vitamin B deficiency
-fatigue
-early onset dementia
-injury from alcohol abuse or repeated concussion (e.g. in contact sport players)

Interesting you didn't pick on my other examples, high BP and aches/pains, as being possibly caused by things other than menopause?

I am 58 and have found B6 helps my memory somewhat. I have been taking this since January. I have a lot of money angst though just recently so am in a constant state of stress for those reasons. But B6 helped me so I continue to take it.

Aches and pains I found Solgar brand of vit D3 helped no end when I was perimemopausal and Vogel brand Menopause Support is very helpful for menopause fatigue but I had to wait until past 60 days for it to improve. I was eating healthily and I don't drink hardly at all so I just had to persevere. It may work quicker for some. I did feel less neurotic in quite literally 48 hours flat though so that was impressive.

My periods did not stop until age 56 and I had erratic periods for 4 years!

I'm probably in best shape iv been as lisr weight and got fitter to address menopause symptoms. I take hrt, supplements and antidepressants and feel in a good place.
It's all about awareness and tackling symptoms.

What are "flooding* period's? I think I just had one?.

Two days almost immediately extremely heavy and then pretty much nothing?
If so how long do they go on for ?
Prior to this they were getting shorter in length.

I have had the monthly bloated stomach for two months now. Late period, which I am hoping menopause is round the corner. I am sick of feeling fat around the gut, which the extends to feeling it around your hips. It really gets you down. More fatigue but no hot sweats as I had those in my early 40s. I am now 51. Mood swings, however ...

Hot flushes were not pleasant and having gone through menopause I still get them.
I didn’t take hrt and menopause is a natural experience albeit horrendous for some but that doesn’t mean you will suffer. You might find you are fine with it and most people who talk about menopause are those that have a hard time. Very rarely will women who experience an okay menopause initiate posts about it.

I and most of my friends went through the menopause a few years ago. Apart from the odd hot flush, none of us experienced any adverse symptoms.

Me too it sounds terrifying I'm mid 40s so could start for me any time infact I often wonder if it already has as I've started to suffer with joint pains these past few months, terrible anxiety although I have suffered with anxiety for 10 years since the birth of youngest dc. some depression I seriously lack the motivation I used to have I'm Still having regular periods though and no hot flushes yet.

It's daunting, but a lot is treatable. The main problem is that it's a bit of a lottery about what's available in your area and how well informed your GP is. It does sound like a lot won't prescribe soon enough - eg when you have symptoms - due to a mistaken belief that your periods have to have stopped or you must be past a certain age. Having watched Davina's documentaries I plan to push for what's needed when it comes (in my mid 40s, possibly perimenopausal)

Most people are fine, and the good news is that your periods stop. But it has become fashionable to make out that it's a major drama or some kind of illness..... just don't believe everything you see, hear & read.

There is no well documented decline in health in people in their forties

Except for men. Age 30+. Coz you know, men don't have HRT magic pills so they have different rules.

@User112 User112 : what happened to your mother, sister(s) or grandmothers at age 40+ ?

I had a hysterectomy at 52 , terrible bleeding and fibroids. Haven’t looked back and I assume I am now post menopausal( at 59). I would agree with other posters - weight training, Pilates, reducing or just giving up meat and alcohol, good supplements. Check our Delores O’Riordan on hrt- primarily for breast cancer and hrt but also as a welcome antidote to going down the hrt route.
My sleep got sorted out really quickly with magnesium and the - anine vitamins, also curcuma. I have honestly never felt better.

I just used the first one you listed, but can address the other two if need be.

Perimenopause doesn’t cause high BP, it’s a silly example. Also BP is rapidly remedied by diet and alcohol reduction (poor quality versions of which is the most frequent cause of high BP). You also wouldn’t like know you had it tbh.

Why would you mention it in the context of this thread?

Aches and pains? Physical breakdown of tissue with age happens sure, no disputing that. But why the conflation with peri/menopause. It’s not a classic symptom or depleting oestrogen sources at all.

Everything starts to go downhill as you age. I get that. But high cholesterol and stress are not to be conflated with menopause symptoms.

It’s taken years to get Doctors and employers to take women’s age related health changes seriously (medicine is not practiced around maintenance and/or improvement of women’s health at all) so to brush menopause symptoms off as a general decline seen in both sexes is very misguided.

And I am talking about the obvious decline seen, a sharp one in some cases, seen I. Menopausal women. You don’t see that when your BP goes up (hence why it’s called a silent killer) or you have high cholesterol. It’s not comparable.

Every woman is different and those who need HRT absolutely should get it.
Having said that, it is interesting that most women, until Louise Newson and her celeb followers starting speaking out about menopause, had mostly manageable symptoms and dealt with them via diet, exercise, mindfulness, etc.
It seems that recently the number of women claiming to have unmanageable symptoms and needing HRT to function has rocketed and I wonder if that is something in our lives/diets/environments or just increased focus and that younger women are frightened by the horror stories out there.

A friend of mine has found agnus cactus really effective for that. The bloating really improved after a few weeks. She still gets a bit more bloating when she is due on though.

I know this is an old thread but can I ask what you took?