To be really scared of menopause

[User112]

In my close extended family, one cousin had awful mental health issues for a few years around menopause time. It settled down after her periods stopped.

Similar situation with another - currently going through shit mental state. Suicidal etc

Another started having tremors in hands around menopause time. It never went away completely, but better now.

All these women are my first cousins (my mom’s sister’s children). Aibu to be really scared of menopause - I’m fast approaching 40

I have older sisters. None of us has had the same experience. So just because wider family members had a certain experience, it doesn't mean you will.
Try and keep as fit, strong and healthy as you can from now. Be alert to signs / symptoms and go straight to GP if you don't feel right.

It’s nothing to do with how you were with periods or pregnancy. I had awful periods but menopause has not been a problem for me. I don’t think you can predict it.

@GoodVibesHere it is completely relevant! Supplements and nutrition have been shown time and time again to have a massive impact on hormones. What we put in our mouths does matter.

Listened to this the other day for a start - podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/the-doctors-kitchen-podcast/id1316938642?i=1000571322830

Also, look up Dr Stacy Simms. Absolutely brilliant researcher who covers menstruation and her new book is all about menopause. Tackling it with food, supplements, understanding what is happening.

i had regular periods 25day cycle until last year. I don’t know if it’s menopause related or stress, my periods have become irregular. Anywhere between 21-45 days.
I’ve always had PMS, quite bad sometimes. Particularly in my teens. Awful nausea in pregnancy too. It all perhaps means I’m quite sensitive to hormonal fluctuations- and it’s getting me worried about what to come.

my gp did a hormone blood test but said it all looks normal. Is it a good idea to get it reviewed by another GP? Definition of “normal” isn’t consistent - is it?

Spatial awareness! I can't seem to walk through a door without hitting the doorframe or handle! The bruising is embarrassing and my poor DH has said he hopes my workmates don't think he is hitting me. Tables as well. It's like I'm iton and they are magnetic. I was/am like that just before a period (they are irregular and often flood now) so it might be a hormone thing right enough. Arghhhh perimenopause grrrrrrr!

I get clumsy before my period too. I drive like a twat - have to be so careful.

HRT has been great.

At what stage would you start HRT?

Try not to be fearful OP, stress may make any symptoms worse. There are lots of things you can do to help yourself. Staying fit and healthy is important and there are lots of herbal supplements that can really help. My mum had a hysterectomy before menopause and went straight onto hrt so no idea if her symptoms were the same as mine.

For me the insomnia was the worst, though I got night swears, hot flushes and brain fog too. Within a week of taking hrt (oestrogel and utrogestan) all symptoms were gone and I was back to normal. I'm still peri but it's now just one of those things rather than all-consuming.

Have you spoken to your cousins about their experiences? Knowledge is power and you may find there were other things exacerbating their menopause.

You can start as soon as you're symptomatic. You may need a blood test depending on age.

You can start as soon as you have symptoms. Under 45 they should do full blood tests just to check there’s nothing else going on that would require different treatment (blood tests for menopause itself are unreliable and shouldn’t be used).

I had awful PMT my whole life, felt great during pregnancy but had PND afterwards.

Had horrible perimenopausal symptoms for 6 years - anxiety, mood swings, flooding periods, rage, brain fog, panic attacks. Took HRT. Got slightly better.

Stopped HRT 6 months before hysterectomy- felt no different. All fine. Had hysterectomy almost a month ago. Everything out, including cervix and ovaries. Feel AMAZING. Am the clearest in my brain than I've been for years. Sleeping worse, but much happier mentally.

I wonder if I had too much oestrogen? Or maybe it was the progesterone (during my cycle) that messed me up?

Anyway. I swear by Menopace vitamins. And ask in Holland & Barrett about their sage, black cohosh, raspberry leaf, etc.

My younger sister is on HRT and has all sorts of menopause symptoms. Meanwhile I am 53 and showing no signs of even being pre-menopausal. It really does seem to be a crapshoot. The most helpful thing seems to be making sure you’re well-informed about what might help if you do get symptoms.

Rebelfit is posting lots about menopause and how we can prepare and help ourselves through it at the moment. They're currently running mission M too, which I'm in and finding really helpful and reassuring. I'm 39, so not there yet, but I already have chronic conditions which I'm working hard to manage, and things get worse around my periods etc, so I want to be as prepared as I can be

I’d get the Balance app from Louise Newson and read up on the menopause. I’d also watch the two Davina programmes and then once armed with knowledge carry on with your life and not worry about it. Once you begin to get symptoms you can see your GP armed with all of this knowledge and get treatment as is appropriate for you.

Please don’t spend time worrying, just arm yourself with knowledge and be aware symptoms vary from woman to woman.

Rebelfit has a podcast with Dr Mary Claire Haver on The Galveston Diet which is very much centered around peri and menopausal healthy foods and support.

Agree that its a complete lottery with menopause. I know its easier said than done but worrying about it will not make it any easier.

FWIW I'm about a year into menopause and HRT has massively relieved most of my symptoms, to the point where I am barely aware of them. Was having hot flushes, sleep issues, anxiety and forgetfulness and its 80% sorted all of this.

The other things which have really helped me are exercising as much as possible and cutting down drastically on alcohol consumption.

It might be an accident but my mum didn't take HRT, didn't exercise and drank and had a miserable menopause.

The best thing about chemo was having no more bad hair days, & (or so I thought) hitting the meno. Mine was absolutely fucking hell! I was a complete raging lunatic. Get help if you think you need it, don’t suffer. I had no idea that there was anything wrong with me, it was everyone else I thought.

I was luck in that it wasn’t too bad for me but My advice is if you fear you will change or have health issues get onto HRT early - and be prepared to take anything and everything given to you.
Ive seen two marriages break up imo due to menopause and the changes it brought to the wife’s psychological state. One became totally cold and dismissive of her husband and they ended up splitting - unfourtunate as they were really well suited before and the other quite mean and not only ended up ending (her choice) her marriage but also falling out with her daughters and to this day they barely have a relationship because of it.

It can really change some women. Honestly in the cause of menopause drugs are your friend.

I’m 57. Had periods until I was around 54. Flooding then very lights ones going on for months. Had a appointment with a gynaecologist, pretty stopped much after that.
had hot flushes , terrible sleep, rage etc etc
this year had enough and went on Kliofem . No more hot flushes and my sleep is soooo much better although I used to waking around 3:00-4:00 and felt shocking.

have had covid for the last two weeks and that’s been knocked on the head , so hope it stays.

I was worried as my mum had breast cancer but my GP was great and helpful.

Take it as it comes -you can't predict your menopause based on symptoms of relatives. I had very few problems and they were mostly minor and transitory. My mum, on the other hand, is 80 and still gets terrible hot flushes.

Not everyone suffers. It’s just huge news at the moment.

I’m post menopause. My periods stopped at 46. Worst symptoms have been hot flushes and night sweats. I’ve always had a very stressful life so probably wouldn’t notice if anxiety got any worse!

its not an easy ride but there is HRT for those that want/need it.

i wouldn’t worry about it yet, you’ll get yourself in a right tizz over something that may not happen.

@User112
And maybe I’m more peri menopausal
than I thought😁 but it wouldn’t hurt to say thank you OP. Lots of people have taken the time to reply and have shared their (very) personal experiences and you’ve not said thanks but have just fired off more questions….

Was having hot flushes, sleep issues, anxiety and forgetfulness and its 80% sorted all of this.

This is what I don't get... I've been having awful brain fog and forgetfulness for the past few years and HRT hasn't touched it. Never had a hot flush or night sweat, but my memory is absolutely screwed.

I'm very peri and HRT has been an absolute godsend so do ask about it. I really don't think there are any family links here - DM says she 'got a bit hot for a week' after surgical meno and no HRT whereas I can recall standing at the back door in a cotton nightie on winter nights!

@DoingJustFine Are you quite sure there's nothing else going on? Have you had all your vitamin/mineral levels checked?