Please help- conflict at work

[Forumqueen]

I work in quite a high pressured role for a huge company (been here almost 2 years) and have recently announced I am pregnant. I thought I was being paranoid but my manager has been treating me differently even since the announcement.

just to give some background we have always had quite a good relationship and she’s always given me great feedback. But since announcing my pregnancy she’s nit picking at everything and micromanaging me. Constantly finding fault for things I do. I’ll give a few examples:

was late for one of our catch-ups as I was in a client she was extremely blunt and said I need to communicative better (this was virtual)

didn’t really feel up for going to the work socials and she pulls me to the side accusing me of not wanting to integrate into the team. I ended up going anyway as she basically told me I had no choice.

I was Ill so couldn’t make it to one of the team meetings she again made a big deal of this accusing me of not communicating and telling me that I MUST go…I was extremely Ill from food poinsoning so I could not go. Anyway she keeps bringing up this particular incident as a reason for me having poor communication (I let her know 2 days before)

most recently she ambushed me with a virtual call, including HER manager to give me feedback. Apparently I have had quite a few complaints from other managers and customers about my lack of knowledge.

She also mentioned that I was late once for a customer meeting. I unfortunately had car trouble and was devastated about this (first time in 2 years that I’ve ever been late for a customer ) another complaint was that I was turning up to customer sites unannounced (which isn’t true) I obviously wanted to know where and from exactly who these complaints were coming from but they refused to tell me! I let them both know that I felt ambushed in this call and it we went back and fourth with me basically trying to defend myself against these accusations. (I was actually close to tears it was horrible)

they made it seem as though it was constructive but it wasn’t at all! Especially with regards to my performance which I always get positive feedback on!

It ended with me telling them that I would really like to know where and who the complaints are coming from. I think I have a right to know. My manager said she will set this up. I have a feeling this meeting will never go ahead- or if it does I will find that her report of events is hugely exaggerated.

So basically I guess this isn’t really an AIBU but Would really be interested in people opinions as to whether I have a right to be upset. I would also like some advice on how to approach our next meeting.

Thanks- I called ACAS this morning who were very useful . They said I could take it as far as a tribunal and get a payout for unfair treatment and they would support me. Depending on how she responds to my email I will decide how to progress.

I am still waiting for Hr to get back to me. I won’t lodge an official complaint yet I just want them to be aware of what is going on.

Could anyone advise of a good union to join?

Do you have colleagues who have been late/same issues your manager has with you but haven't been reprimanded for it?

Don’t have the late examples. I do have examples of people not following certain protocol and not being reprimanded whereas I have. ! Is this something I need to highlight?

I would definitely be keeping notes about that, you may be able to use it as evidence of you being treated differently than others and in cases like this i think the more proof you have, even of smaller things, the better.

Thank you @Famousinlove I I’ve drafted my letter to Hr now detailing everything in order.

I actually have reached out to the person I took over this jobs role from- and they have described how they went through a similar thing. Although they weren’t pregnant they felt micro managed and unable to do their job. I have the messages from this person. Is this something I can use as evidence?

I would think you hold on to that.

The most important thing that you do is express your concern over the drastic change of treatment by your manager AFTER she was informed of your pregnancy.

The timeline after the date of your announcement is what's important.

Giving your examples....by date

The excess criticism.
The supposed complaints.....has she got back to you about them?
The bringing her manager in on a meeting onthe basis of the "complaints" by these other mangers.
Then her telling you she will assist you in a tender.

Lay out the timeline very clearly.

Your huge distress at feeling bullied, targeted and harrassed,... ALL because of your announcement of being pregnant.

You are horrified at this treatment.
Ask for the the grievance process within the company.

Talk about your GP supporting.
That your pregnancy has been hugely impacted.
That you are taking very seriously her attempts to damage your career whilst you are pregnant.

Spell it all out to HR.
No ambiguity.

That you believe a concerted effort is being made to manage you out of your job and to damage you professionally......all because of your pregnancy.

Nothing obscure.
Spell it out to HR.

Let them have that to chew on before you go on mat leave.

Have you joined a union?

Use words like your distress, huge anxiety, feeling targeted and vulnerable.

The key thing is to write this with a view that it will be viewed beyond HR and could be part of a grievance and claim.

Always keep in mind when you write something like this how it will read by someone viewing it independently.

You are aiming for wtf was going on in that organisation that this behaviour went on, unchecked, towards a pregnant woman.

Thank you so much @billy1966 I’ve added some extra parts now to my letter, made sure I emphasised my distress. And NO she has not responded about the supposed complaints.

I don’t get the posters who are trying to make you doubt yourself? As you say, you’ve worked there for 2 years without complaint from her and then suddenly she is behaving very differently and micromanaging/ambushing you after your pregnancy announcement. You are right to be suspicious!

In the meantime, back up any verbal discussions with your manager by an email, from you to her and copy in any relevant others
Eg ' To confirm our discussion on/we met on (date) at your request. We discussed (whatever). You stated (a, b, c). I responded with (d, e, f). We agreed x.'
Regarding a union, if you can say what your job is or what general field you work in, you may get appropriate suggestions. A union may not help with an existing issue but it looks to me like there could be problems during or after your maternity leave.
Good luck.

I like the word "ambush", particularly in the context of the complaints that she has repeatedly referenced that have been made against you

These formed the basis of her micromanaging you, .......yet after repeatedly asking for specifics of the complaints, you haven't received any response from her.

Completely unacceptable treatment of an employee, and all happening coincidentally AFTER you announced your pregnancy.

Separately I do think it is a good idea to confirm your conversation with the two managers by email, that it was NOT a performance issue but largely things beyond your control.