Maybe I am, MN jury, its over to you!

[MaureenMLove]

I'm having a party next weekend. Special birthday and I decided that for just this one occasion, it would be adult only. Hate doing it, because the children are part of our social circle as much as anyone else, but it also means that there's twice as many people in the house. Had it been August, I would have invited them, but not all in the house in January.

Anyway, invites sent with a nice, jokey note on it, 'Much as I love your dear children, this ones grown up only!' Everyone happy with that, they all fancy a night out without the kids anyway!

DH's brother and SIL failed to reply (that was last weeks AIBU!) so I asked him to contact them. They said, most probably yes, but they'd have to bring the kids with them! I shouted 'Oh FFS!' DH got shitty and moaned that they're his family and he hardly ever sees them, and what was he supposed to say?

Well FFS! I only see these people once in a blue moon and their kids are the littlest. 1yr old and 2 yr old. Great! So I'm not having me nieces or my god children there, who are all old enough to just play in one of the bedrooms, but I gotta put up and shut up about two bloody rug rats, which now changes the whole dynamics of the party! How do I explain to one of my other friends who all week has been saying, 'I'm having real trouble with my baby sitter, but I will find one, because I really want to come!'

Bloody, bloody family! I hope she can't get someone to cover her shift at work, so they can't come frankly!

That's a bummer!

O M G - that is outrageous. You can't bring kids if someone specifically says "no kids". It's your party - HE will have to tell them sorry, I've told everyone else not to bring their kids so I can't really have yours there.

bloody cheek

won't they just sleep in one of the rooms though?

sorry .. preface that with 'it's outrageous YANBU'

then take a deep breath

and then consider that they will just be asleep in a bedroom

no, they need to get a baby sitter... BUT, a week is not a lot of notice, especially if you don;t have a regular baby sitter or usually use family...i think the no kids rule once in a while is fine

not the point. You don't take them if the hostest has asked you don't bring them, you make excuses and don't come. Mo has a houseful of kids all the time, reasonable to say "no kids" this time.

YANBU. They know its adults only but think they can bring their dcs. Why do they think they are exempt?

hostest with the mostest!!?? HOSTESS!!!

If they can guarantee they will sleep should be fine,but it may be a bit awkward if others have found a babysitter.
Maybe that's your excuse,tell them others would be annoyed if they brought the children.
Agree they are being a bit cheeky and precious about leaving their kids.

YANBU.

Point out to dh that he can invite his brother and sil over any other time that he wants to.

I am livid about this for you mate. Knowing the couple personally too! I think it's a cheek. You know you will have to ring her Mo, DH won't cos DHs are chickens about that sort of thing. You can be nice, pleasant and jolly but impress upon her that really the kids can't come.

I've never had a babysitter for my boy, to be fair. The difference is that I wouldn't go to the party.

It's really rude of them.

what time does the party start? Tell DH to tell BIL that you understand the kids need to come but that you're only allowing them as a special case as they will be in bed anyway?

NOOOOOO EFFFFFING WAY, YOUR PARTY YOUR RULES, NO KIDS, ESPECIALLY TODDLERS THAT MIGHT GET TROD ON BY DRUNKEN KBEARS!!! REALLY CROSS. CAN YOU TELL?

And we do everything with our kids don't we Mo but once night, once in a blue moon, NO kids.

Tell him his family ruining your wedding, they're not going to ruin your 40th party too. I'll effing tell him. I'll tell them actually, what's the number.?

I don;t honestly know why they are bothering. They are a nightmare for routine. They won't sleep in one of the bedrooms, it'll be too noisy for them. They didn't have a weeks notice, I told them about the party on 17th December and sent an invite 3 weeks ago.

DH went off on one, I think he was more embarrassed about his useless flipping family tbh. He said, I see more of your sodding brother than I do of mine and you are getting arsey about my nephews coming! Er, my brother and his family live 1/2 mile away, his live 50 miles away! Not rocket science is it! I have bent over backwards for that family and DH is getting shitty with me!

I will not get wound up by this. I am but a few hours from being 40 and apart from my car falling apart in the very middle of the Dartford Bridge this afternoon, I have had a lovely day!

so cross, can't type, RUINED your wedding...!!!

Maureen, come down here, the wine is at perfect temperature.

Say you're really sorry but you just CAN'T have kids for all the reasons you've explained.

Then invite them WITH KIDS to Sunday lunch the next day.

Everyone happy.

Why aren't they coming tomorrow?

if they have had a month to get childcare then YA definitely not BU

You have the control. You simply need to be firm and straight to the point.

You are not asking their permission, or seeking their approval. The fact is, this occasion is adult only. If they cannot find childcare, they cannot come.

She's working tomorrow, so can't do that. She works nearly every Saturday night apparently. She's a trainee midwife.

I'm running back and forth from the kitchen doing dinner, I'm trying to keep up, bare with me!

Kbear, stop shouting, I can hear you from hear and see the steam coming out of your chimney!

you are the embodiment of diplomacy morning paper . excellent idea... tho maybe not the next day...

YANBU maureen, surely you're offending your other guests if you let these people bring kids. DH has put you in an awful lose/lose position. gggrrrrrrr