Maybe I am, MN jury, its over to you!

[MaureenMLove]

I'm having a party next weekend. Special birthday and I decided that for just this one occasion, it would be adult only. Hate doing it, because the children are part of our social circle as much as anyone else, but it also means that there's twice as many people in the house. Had it been August, I would have invited them, but not all in the house in January.

Anyway, invites sent with a nice, jokey note on it, 'Much as I love your dear children, this ones grown up only!' Everyone happy with that, they all fancy a night out without the kids anyway!

DH's brother and SIL failed to reply (that was last weeks AIBU!) so I asked him to contact them. They said, most probably yes, but they'd have to bring the kids with them! I shouted 'Oh FFS!' DH got shitty and moaned that they're his family and he hardly ever sees them, and what was he supposed to say?

Well FFS! I only see these people once in a blue moon and their kids are the littlest. 1yr old and 2 yr old. Great! So I'm not having me nieces or my god children there, who are all old enough to just play in one of the bedrooms, but I gotta put up and shut up about two bloody rug rats, which now changes the whole dynamics of the party! How do I explain to one of my other friends who all week has been saying, 'I'm having real trouble with my baby sitter, but I will find one, because I really want to come!'

Bloody, bloody family! I hope she can't get someone to cover her shift at work, so they can't come frankly!

YANBU. I had a "no kids" party for my 40th, it got quite difficult to stay tough on it with one or two families, but in the end they got sitters. Then a family just turned up with their kids, without even asking, so I ended up in the same situation as you Mo, trying to explain to those I'd said no to. Not sure I can offer any advice that hasn't already been given, just wanted to say how sorry I feel for you on this.

I can't - I'm cross

ditto Hecate (nicely put).

You need to be firm but polite with your dh, and use the angle that all the other guests who have sorted childcare will be most and possibly if they turn up and 2 children are there.

yup. quite simple. your party. your rules. lots of notice given to make arrangements (AND REPLY THE RUDE BAS**RDS). no babysitter = can't come. why doesnt dh's bro come and leave your dsil to hold the fort. don't let them ruin your plans. TELL dh this is non negotiable. ASK dh if he will phone them or should you???? stay horribly calm and pleasant. you are SOOOOOO in the right.

Thankyou Ladette. Thats the point Tyaca. I always have the kids here, christ I've childminded half of them! I always make a fuss of the kids and always make sure they are well catered for. If someones ruddy kids are here, then I offend all my friends who have all made the effort and replied and got babysitters organised.

Well, there'll be jack shit for them to eat here next week. I'm deliberately going to make vodka jelly now and tell them their kids can't have it! There will be no sausage rolls or pizza or bloody childrens chocolate cake (Kbear) There will be only adult food and alcohol - lots of it!

I will broach this subject with DH after dinner, when we are proper friends again. We are OK, but the slightest thing could set it all off again, ykwim!

YANBU.

Get kbear to ring them.

YANBU. Would it inflame things between you and DH if you took over, called SIL and said really, realy sorry. but it's a definitely no kids thing and you've been so unbeelievable insistent with some of the others coming it will just be too embarassing if she comes with the kids? You could even hint that maybe you should postpone it until she can get a babysitter, that'll ram it home.

OUTRAGEOUS!

...... but wait til she's calmed down a bit.....

let me let me let me let me

It just annoys me that people think that they can do what they like and that requests like this don't apply to them without thinking of the hostess.

I personally had tons of kids at my wedding cos that's what I wanted but I totally understand that some people don't want kids there so I get a sitter or I make my excuses and don't go.

But I have heaps of manners and was well dragged up.

Yes, I think maybe Kbear needs a leeetle drinkie to calm down a bit!

It will get sorted, but unfortunately DH seems to have misguided loyality to his family. There are lists and lists of things that they have done, that are just not acceptable, but at the end of the day, he sees them as his flesh and blood. His parents were invited to lunch tomorrow (my actually birthday) but when I invited them back in November, his mum said she might be busy that weekend! DH rarely get a call from them and we never get presents or cards on birthdays. They couldn't give a stuff about their grandchildren either. It just goes on and on.

I hate to ask, but I'm intrigued about the wedding too...

any they are the sort of people that drive 50 miles to visit then stay for half an hour because they have to get home so the baby can nap. WTF?

well, that's all v sad and provoking...., but those are his ishooooos and must not be allowed to spoil YOUR birthday!

If they do come, they won't stay for more than an hour or two I would imagine. I'm just gonna have to explain to everyone who's coming, that its nothing to do with me and I'm very sorry.

I'm about 70% sure they won't come anyway!

I'm sorry I mentioned the wedding. Let's not mention the wedding. No really, forget it....

No way!! Tell dh you can't have rules for everyone else & not them!!

Say one of your v.best friends would be very disappointed if she saw children there after you had told her none were coming.

I hate people like this!! What makes them think that the rules don't apply to them. If I got an invite that said children weren't invited this time, I would fully comply.

If dh's mum is still about, can she tell his brother that the kids are not welcome this time?

what's that about the wedding kbear?

Only being loyal mate.

told you I'm not mentioning the wedding, especially not the exceptionally drunk bridesmaid, especially not her, she was awful.

It's your party, so your rules. If DH wants his brother to come, then that's fine - he comes alone... leaving SIL with her kids. It shouldn't be your problem that they can't organise a babysitter. Sounds as though they may have trouble organising things generally, given that they didn't reply to the invite.

or are just really RUDE.

The wedding! Now then, the quick version is as follows!

Neither of his brothers wanted to be ashers, when asked.

Parents didn't contribute AT ALL.

Two days before wedding, his father asked me to make a birthday cake for his dad, since he would be 75 on the day we got married and it would be nice to have a cake for him too.

Just before the speeches, his father decided it was time to get out of his top hat and tails and put his t-shirt and joggers on.

He then asked dh to come and give him a hand changing the barrel on the beer whilst we were mid first dance! I tolf him to piss off at that point!

Oh yeah! The bridesmaid! She was mashed! Never seen her so bad! Got a cab home didn't you dear! Oh no, that's right, your mum took you home, you just don't remember!

blimey. you are a saint maureen.