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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Woman angry that I touched her belonging by accident

26 replies

Sishirunak · 03/08/2022 06:35

I do some community care work, and there's a lady who I hadn't visited before.
Some of her family were there on my arrival, I think it was her daughter and partner.
My role was to administer her medication, they didn't say where it was but I walked into the kitchen and saw the lady's care file with a bag of medication on top of it.
I picked up the bag to have a look inside and immediately the daughter burst in saying, "Excuse me, that's my medication."
I said that I was so sorry and that I had believed it was her Mum's due to the location.
She had a face like thunder for the rest of my visit, then explained that her Mum's medication would always be kept in the red box behind the file.
And that if I "had taken the time to read it, I'd have seen that it wasn't her Mum's medication."
That's precisely what I was trying to do by taking it out of the bag.
She then said "If you ever see medication left out, it's mine."
Some families do leave it in the paper bag, they don't put it immediately into the locked box or cupboard. As it was right on top of her file then that's why I looked at it.
Did feel embarrassed but I did apologise, what would you have done?

OP posts:
anotherbrewplease · 03/08/2022 06:39

I would ignore the silly cow and not worry what she thought.

maybe she’s addicted to oxycodone and didn’t want you ‘finding out’

chilliesandspices · 03/08/2022 06:42

Yep, ignore. You didn't do anything wrong.

KangarooKenny · 03/08/2022 06:43

Ignore her, she’s rude.

carefullycourageous · 03/08/2022 06:46

Agree, this person may have all.kinds of issues - ignore and move on.

boatahoy · 03/08/2022 06:49

If I'd been in your situation I would have done the same. My DM has carers too so I can picture the scenario and I would never leave anything not related to my DM on top of her care file/folder.

toopicky · 03/08/2022 06:54

I'd ignore it except to just mention it to your office. Based on experience as a home carer, you never know what's going to come back on you and my boss always phoned to discuss stuff like this when I was in the middle of something with another client.

Dinoteeth · 03/08/2022 06:55

It's almost like she set you up to cause a row or check your competence.

Why anyone would leave medication out beside a care folder that wasn't related to the cared for person is beyond me.

Clymene · 03/08/2022 07:01

Roll your eyes inwardly. It was a perfectly normal assumption to make. She was just spoiling for a fight

Lindasllama · 03/08/2022 07:04

Ignore. She sounds like one of the increasing numbers of the professionally offended. Quite a few on MN these days as well sadly.

This personality type is quick to leap to the conclusion that any misdemeanour, mistake or accident is a deliberate and planned attack on themselves by the 'perpetrator' (in this case you)

It's become a very sad world. I can remember a time where the general motto was to think the best of people until such time it's proved otherwise. These days it seems to be the opposite. Believe that everyone is out to get you. Think only of yourself. (

MN specialities such as refusing to answer the door and keeping the joy of a new GC to yourself for weeks whilst you 'bond' spring to mind as the prevailing norm these days.

I am glad that amongst my friends and family we still assume a knock at the door to be a neighbour calling round for a chat and that new babies are a joy to be celebrated beyond the immediate parents and have never encountered this strange type of insular and self absorbed behaviour.

In my family OP - we would have said . 'So sorry - my fault. I should have put that away as actually my medication. ' 'Here's mums' . Never would we be so rude as to speak in anyway other than kindly and respectfully to a professional who had come to our home to help care for our parent.

wednesdaymidweek · 03/08/2022 07:08

I would ignore this but doesn't it say in the care plan where the medication is kept? My Mother's meds are kept in a locked first aid box.

SNWannabe · 03/08/2022 07:11

You’d have had to move her bag anyway as she put it on the file. Silly cow.

SmellyToilet · 03/08/2022 07:14

Ignore the daft cunt. I used to administer medication in the community and as you said it was often left out on the side. It was obvious you would assume it was her mothers meds but it’s not like you would have given her any random shit you found, you would have realised it wasn’t hers had you had chance to look at it properly.

God I don’t miss community work at all.

sonjadog · 03/08/2022 07:19

It sounds like she might have some issues herself. You did nothing wrong. Just shrug and move on.

MichelleScarn · 03/08/2022 07:21

Dinoteeth · 03/08/2022 06:55

It's almost like she set you up to cause a row or check your competence.

Why anyone would leave medication out beside a care folder that wasn't related to the cared for person is beyond me.

Sadly agree with this and the pp who advised flagging it up to.your office.

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 03/08/2022 07:23

How rude is she?! So what you looked at medication to see whose it is. She should have put it away if she didn't want anyone to see it. I echo pp about mentioning it to your work.

Thatsenoughnow · 03/08/2022 07:26

If she left the medication on top of the file how were you supposed to read the file to work out where the medication was without touching it? Daft woman.

Original poster
Sishirunak · 03/08/2022 07:26

Yeah I may ring the office to warn them in case anyone else new goes there!
It does seem odd that she left it right on top of the lady's file

OP posts:
Becky6758 · 03/08/2022 07:30

Told her not to leave her medication on top of someone else’s file and to use her common sense.

itsgettingweird · 03/08/2022 07:32

Well they're very careless aren't they leaving someone else's medication on top of the care file for a different patient.

Do you have an agency or someone who supplies your services to the family?

I'd suggest that they send out a general email to all families reminding them of the importance of keeping medications for patients separate to medications of other household members and to inform carers on arrival when this medication and care files are stored.

tuscanleather · 03/08/2022 07:33

Lindasllama · 03/08/2022 07:04

Ignore. She sounds like one of the increasing numbers of the professionally offended. Quite a few on MN these days as well sadly.

This personality type is quick to leap to the conclusion that any misdemeanour, mistake or accident is a deliberate and planned attack on themselves by the 'perpetrator' (in this case you)

It's become a very sad world. I can remember a time where the general motto was to think the best of people until such time it's proved otherwise. These days it seems to be the opposite. Believe that everyone is out to get you. Think only of yourself. (

MN specialities such as refusing to answer the door and keeping the joy of a new GC to yourself for weeks whilst you 'bond' spring to mind as the prevailing norm these days.

I am glad that amongst my friends and family we still assume a knock at the door to be a neighbour calling round for a chat and that new babies are a joy to be celebrated beyond the immediate parents and have never encountered this strange type of insular and self absorbed behaviour.

In my family OP - we would have said . 'So sorry - my fault. I should have put that away as actually my medication. ' 'Here's mums' . Never would we be so rude as to speak in anyway other than kindly and respectfully to a professional who had come to our home to help care for our parent.

100%

missingeu · 03/08/2022 07:34

I would ring the office and document what happened, in your notes. keep it factual. You did nothing wrong. Document on the ladies care notes where they keep the medication.

Allicando · 03/08/2022 07:48

I also work in the Community and have done for many years. You 100% did the right thing, as a pp said why would anybody leave their medication on top of a care file? It is irresponsible of that person and mistakes could be made, it showed you were doing your job by checking. In 24 years of nursing I have learnt there is nowt so queer as folk.

Society · 03/08/2022 07:53

You 100% need to flag this with your manager OP. You're well within your right to refuse that call if you're going to I verbally abused by family members or if you feel uncomfortable with them being there. And your company should support you. I hope they do. I did care for many years in my 20's, we had one very nasty family member we had to deal with regularly and I wish I had been strong enough to assert those boundaries.

It sounds like she set you up by putting them where she had.

Society · 03/08/2022 07:55

Please document that the daughter said she leaves her own medication lying around in her mothers home. This is a safeguarding issue. What if the mother took the medication accidentally when she was alone or unsupervised by her lovely daughter?

MichelleScarn · 03/08/2022 07:56

Is any of your patients meds controlled drugs or wonder if any of hers are (obvs understand you won't know about the woman's!)
Just the wee cynic in me in case any go 'missing' and need re dispensed and the reason given is 'someone else must have taken them'?....

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