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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to think it's odd to want your child christened when you're not religious

48 replies

Lovetogarden2022 · 02/08/2022 11:10

I have a lot of friends who, in the past couple of years, have had babies. Many of them live abroad, and are using this summer to come back to the UK to get their child christened.
I find it really odd as none of them are religious in the slightest? Myself and my partner probably go to church more than them, and we're both staunch atheists 😂 We just take our children to the local carol service at Christmas.

Far be it for me to question someone else's faith, but I find it really unusual. Especially when they describe themselves as being 'non-religious'.

I don't think it's for school places either - they will all be going to non-denomination schools (I've discussed it with them), and equally it's not like they live in very religious countries. It's also not like their families are in any way 'connected' with the church or religious, so they're not under pressure from them to have their children christened.

Why not have a 'naming day' or a 'celebration' if you wanted an event to celebrate your child?

AIBU in thinking this is odd behaviour? 😅

OP posts:
thunderonlyhappenswhenits · 02/08/2022 11:11

Is it just an excuse for a Piss up? I've seen a few of these happen 😆

Fupoffyagrasshole · 02/08/2022 11:12

Yeah most people do it in Ireland too! We didn’t baptise our child and loads of people think we are odd

i don’t get it tbh

lawandgin · 02/08/2022 11:17

Yanbu. It's weird and hypocritical. I don't subscribe to any form of religion, but I respect that other people do and it feels like a pisstake when people perhaps christenings as a reason for a party. Just hire a hall and call it a party!

DSGR · 02/08/2022 11:19

Agree, it’s weird

MummyInTheNecropolis · 02/08/2022 11:21

I’m an atheist but had my DD baptised to please my grandparents, who are religious. It made them happy and was no skin off my nose, I don’t see what’s so wrong with it.

BeanieTeen · 02/08/2022 11:23

Yeah people just do it for the ‘occasion’ - and excuse for a do - but I think most people are honest about that.
I went to a naming ceremony once, instead of a Christening which was nice. No need to get the church involved if you just want a nice celebration with friends and family for your LO.

girlmom21 · 02/08/2022 11:23

Lots of people do it because of family 'tradition' and I've known quite a few who do it 'just in case'.

Frazzled2207 · 02/08/2022 11:25

agree. I'm a non-practicing Christian but DH is atheist. I would have liked to have the DC christened personally.

But

DH knew that that christening the child meant having to promise to bring the child up in the Christian faith so he rightly refused. I accepted that.

Where I am (greater manchester) everyone does it. In fact lots of totally unreligious friends were surprised I didn't have one. My mother did however throw a 'welcome to the family' party a few months after DS was born. That was totally reasonable and appropriate IMO.

A whole different issue is atheist friends getting their kids christened solely to increase the chances of their kids getting into a certain school.

Frazzled2207 · 02/08/2022 11:25

girlmom21 · 02/08/2022 11:23

Lots of people do it because of family 'tradition' and I've known quite a few who do it 'just in case'.

just in case of what exactly

Original poster
Lovetogarden2022 · 02/08/2022 11:26

lawandgin · 02/08/2022 11:17

Yanbu. It's weird and hypocritical. I don't subscribe to any form of religion, but I respect that other people do and it feels like a pisstake when people perhaps christenings as a reason for a party. Just hire a hall and call it a party!

Exactly! My last child was born in lockdown, so we never had any kind of celebration (we were planning a joint housewarming/naming day thing in the garden but never got round to it).
My partner's brother and sister both did naming days for their children which I think were a lovely idea. They rented the local village hall and invited all the extended family (who otherwise might not have met the little one) and just did a little speech saying thank you for coming and introduced the baby to everyone. But there was no religious element to it - it was just a nice day to look back on

OP posts:
Tangled123 · 02/08/2022 11:26

My daughter was baptised, but my husband and I are from religious families so would have been disowned if she wasn’t lol. I’m not religious myself, and definitely don’t agree with baptising babies, but I allowed it because it’s important to her dad.

girlmom21 · 02/08/2022 11:28

just in case of what exactly

Just in case it makes a difference, I guess.

In case there is a God and it means you get better guidance, or if there are pearly gates when you die it gives you a push in the right direction?

Original poster
Lovetogarden2022 · 02/08/2022 11:28

Frazzled2207 · 02/08/2022 11:25

agree. I'm a non-practicing Christian but DH is atheist. I would have liked to have the DC christened personally.

But

DH knew that that christening the child meant having to promise to bring the child up in the Christian faith so he rightly refused. I accepted that.

Where I am (greater manchester) everyone does it. In fact lots of totally unreligious friends were surprised I didn't have one. My mother did however throw a 'welcome to the family' party a few months after DS was born. That was totally reasonable and appropriate IMO.

A whole different issue is atheist friends getting their kids christened solely to increase the chances of their kids getting into a certain school.

I'm in south manchester and a lot of my family suddenly became staunch catholics to get them into the best schools 😂

OP posts:
Blanketpolicy · 02/08/2022 11:28

You go to church to see the carol service for its entertainment value, and don't understand why others want a christening so they can have an event/party? The two are not exactly worlds apart.

BringMeTea · 02/08/2022 11:28

Attention and gifts mostly.

Tangled123 · 02/08/2022 11:28

Just in case there is a God. It doesn’t seem logical, but it’s hard to shake the ‘but what if I’m wrong?’ feeling if you’ve been around religion your whole life and everyone apart from you believes it.

GoldenOmber · 02/08/2022 11:29

People value tradition, and like the idea of a celebration to welcome the baby, and for some people there probably is a ‘just in case’ sense to it as well.

I am religious and it doesn’t bother me if non-religious parents have their kids christened. I certainly don’t find it offensive at all.

WembleyWay · 02/08/2022 11:31

My background is Irish so it’s normal to baptise your child regardless of what you believe. It’s purely cultural for many people.

picklemewalnuts · 02/08/2022 11:31

As a regular churchgoer, I find it interesting. We always welcome baptism families, as everyone is welcome in church. It's a bit stressful sometimes when they and their guests make it clear they think we're really weird.

If you do go to a social christening, please think about the regulars who are welcoming you in and avoid smirking too obviously!

Simonjt · 02/08/2022 11:32

I think its odd as well, I think most people do it to
get presents/have a party, it must be frustrating for the vicars etc when they know the parents aren’t going to raise their children as christians.

In Sikhism you can’t be ‘baptised’ until at least the teenage years, but even then it is unusual for people to do it before adulthood. It stops more people doing it just for the sake of doing it.

Outlyingtrout · 02/08/2022 11:32

It’s unlikely that you are party to the intimate knowledge of these people’s family relationships (on both sides), family traditions and their personal thoughts and feelings about faith. Faith can be a complex thing and lots of people wrestle with it privately throughout their lives. I do. And I’m absolutely confident that my friends would probably assume that I have no faith at all. Them having described themselves as non-religious could just as easily be a way of shutting down a conversation as anything else. Or maybe they do struggle with it and feel differently at different points in their life.

I find it’s easier not to judge and make assumptions about people’s reasons for doing things. If you don’t want to attend the Christenings then obviously that’s fine.

Sartre · 02/08/2022 11:33

I think it’s for the party and presents tbh, can’t think of any other explanation.

Somatronic · 02/08/2022 11:34

All of my friends and some family members have had christenings for their children but none of them ever go to mass. One friend was even upset that the local priest refused to christen her child because she and her husband don't attend mass. I think that's perfectly reasonable of the priest but the rest of my friend group was appalled. She found another priest in another parish to do it for her.

I'm in Ireland where there can be an issue with schools as the Catholic church are often the patrons of local schools but as far as I know there are no major problems with school places where I'm from (in fact, schools are closing down because there aren't enough children) so I don't think that's even the reason. I think people just like to conform, and so they get married in churches and christen their children despite not even believing in God in most cases because it's what everyone else is doing.

I think it's bonkers, especially given the Catholic church's track record in this country.

MouseShoes · 02/08/2022 11:38

I think it’s odd, but then I also think a church wedding or funeral are odd too if you’re not otherwise a church goer.

iloveyankeecandle · 02/08/2022 11:51

I think it's weird.

I have a friend who is a total atheist. She got asked to be godparent but wasn't Christened herself. They suggested she got christened to be godmother and she said no but wanted to be godmother? So she told them she had been christened to she could be godparent?! Completely missing the point of being godparent!!